This is for anyone who has ever been asked by a family member, a co-worker, your hairdresser, or any random stranger about why you are “still single.”
It’s for anyone who has had to say, “Yes, I am still single.” And then: “Thank you for reminding me.”
This used to be my typical response when I absolutely hated being single. I didn’t like the fact that people were reminding me that I was alone. I didn’t have anyone that I could come home to every night and snuggle up with on the couch.
Every time someone would ask me that question, it felt as if there was a stage light shining on me, letting everyone around me know that I was still very much single. And not only that, but:
- I will forever be alone.
- No one likes me.
- I’m not good enough.
- No one finds me interesting
- No one will take a chance on me.
- I should probably start adopting cats.
These were the typically responses I would give my mother when we would discuss my dating life.
At various points in my life, I have been fortunate to watch some of my best friends, colleagues, and family members find their special person in life. I have been happy for each and every one of them.
Was I jealous that they were finding love and I wasn’t? No. But it sure made me want to find my true love, because I wanted to experience all of the good and bad that relationships bring.
But that’s the problem right there: “…I wanted to find my true love.” I was like a warrior princess on the hunt to find her man. I should have just walked around with a sign on my forehead that read “Desperate for Love.”
Nothing has really changed through all of this, because I’m still single. Except for one very important thing: my attitude towards being single. Five years ago I would have told you that I hated being single. I was outraged and couldn’t seem to get over the fact that no one wanted to be my boyfriend.
Now? I don’t mind being single at all.
So how did I change my attitude and enjoy the idea of being single? Well, it included a lot of tears and long phone calls with my mother. She would reassure me that I wouldn’t be the lonely cat lady for the rest of my life. I don’t know how but mothers somehow always make the most sense, even when you don’t think it’s possible.
But on a serious note, in order for me to be comfortable with being single, I actually had to be alone for a while. That meant no flings or hookups. Nothing.
Not only did I have to actually enjoy my alone time, but I also had to rewire my thinking around what it meant to be single. Being single gives me this incredible sense of freedom. I am allowed to do what I want, travel whenever, hang out with whomever, and focus on me, without feeling as if I am completely selfish.
It’s taken some time for me to be completely okay with being single. But I know I am slowly getting to a point where I don’t have to explain my reasons for why I am still single.
When your life is full of adventure, people tend to stop asking questions about your love life, because they see how full it is with just you in it.
When my friends and I start to discuss relationships and marriage, I always ask them one profound question: did you end up settling for your one true love? Chances are they had not settled one bit. So why should I? When I remind them of this, something changes in them. They realize how fortunate they have been to find their true love.
I know they want what’s best for me when it comes to relationships. And I want the same for me too. But that doesn’t mean I have to settle for just any one. If that means I’m single for a little while longer, then I’m okay with that fact.
I’ve never been one to settle on anything in life, so why should I make an exception for love?
Remember: don’t go looking for just any guy. Take time to appreciate the fact that you are single. Enjoy weekends with friends, solo trips around the world, and spend time with your family. You’ll be so busy that you won’t even have to think about the fact that you are single. Who knows, maybe while you are out enjoying life you’ll meet him – when you least expect it.