This Is How It Feels To Miss You

Alone in this house again tonight. Wondering how life has been without you. There are pictures of you scattered in my room and I pick them up, one by one, until I stop at the last one. I stare closely at your smile, your eyes, your lips, and suddenly I miss them and tonight I swear you hit me so hard again. I want to recall all our memories because I miss you. I miss us.

I miss how you would pull my ear and as I look at my back, wondering for who did that, I would see your face smiling at me.

I miss how clingy you were. I miss how you loved spending your money and time eating each others’ favorite foods and how we used to connect. I often feel disconnected with the people surrounding me, but with you I felt the connection that I longed for.

We shared the same frequency. That’s why when you decided to disconnect with me, and I let my unspoken words spill all over the town.

I miss your laugh; I miss your voice.

Remember that first night we went somewhere? With our friends? You demanded that I sit beside you, and I cautiously agreed. I could barely look at your eyes because my God, you were so perfect and I just wanted to hug you at that moment for being so nice and so good to me. No one has ever done that to me, only you. You made me feel like I was needed and important.

I miss the me I used to be when you were here.

I miss you and it hurts to miss someone who was never yours. Who was never meant to be yours, ever.

So here I am, dwelling in this agony of missing you. Hoping that someday this void, these black holes will stop residing in my chest. Hoping that I’ll stop making best friends with melancholy nights and nostalgia.

I really wanted to stop chasing for the end of this never-ending maze because the more I tried to, the more it aches deeper in my bones. I really wanted to digest all of you in me because that’s the only way I know how to heal.

The pain of missing you is like a medicine to me. It can somehow cure me, but in every medication I take, there’s always a side effects and that side effect is losing you permanently.

It’s always a battle in me to decide whether to cure myself and deal with the side effects or not.

I miss you and it hurts badly to be the one who miss you like this. It’s unfair, but I still miss you because you gave me so much to remember.

And missing you is like a drug, it’s slowly killing me.