When Beyoncé told us that the best place to put shit you don’t want was in a box to the left, little did she know that 11 years later, people would still be pushing unwanted and replaceable things to the left.
Whoever decided that dating apps would feature the option to swipe left when you don’t want something, was definitely irreplaceable. Genius idea.
While I’m not sure how often men swipe left, or what makes them do so besides the obvious unattractiveness factor, I feel it’s my duty to tell the guys out there that girls are swiping left more frequently and the reasons we are doing it are very simple. Women might be complicated in every other sense of the word but when it comes to scoping out your potential, it takes a split second to decide which direction we are swiping and there are very common reasons why.
You can be the hottest guy with the most interesting bio, but there are certain things men post that are an immediate turn off. Your profile, whether you realize it or not, can be filled with instant deal breakers.
Fish, fish, fish
I don’t know how many times women have to ask this question before it stops, but “Wtf is up with the fish pictures?” Why do you do it? I just don’t know, but we want it to stop. While I can understand if it’s your hobby and you are merely showing what you are into, as a woman, I can tell you that seeing you hold up a big fish does absolutely nothing for me especially when it’s bloody with guts hanging out. Hell I’ve even seen dudes holding them up to their lips in a pretend kiss. Seriously gross. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even look through the rest of the pictures or read a damn word. As soon as I see the fish, I’m looking for the others in the sea. Left.
Your job makes no sense
If a girl is interested in a guy at first glance, his career is probably secondary or not even a factor at all. However, we do not want to date a guy who works at “The School of Hard Knock Life”. Because for one, we don’t know what the fuck that means. Are we supposed to be impressed by you pretending to be Jay-Z? If I was in the mood for Jay-Z I’d put on “Big Pimpin”, sit my ass home and not go on a date with you. Guys if you don’t want to list your career, (unless it’s at an orphanage), which is totally fine, please do not pretend you are a bad ass while you are using a phrase that is actually referencing Annie.
Phones in pictures
No doubt I’ve come across some of the hottest bodies while half ass swiping through a dating app. But I can assure you this, if it entails you holding up your phone in a mirror, whether it’s at the gym, in your dirty bathroom or bedroom or in a fancy AF hotel room, once I see that awkward pose and phone in the mirror, it’s a “nope”.
No way am I interested in someone who doesn’t have enough of a social life to have a picture of them out and about with other people that also shows off how good they look. Standing in a mirror like a serial killer is an instant deal breaker, no matter how ripped and fine you are or how good you look in a three-piece suit before a wedding. If you have to take the picture yourself, please just find a way to do it without a mirror. Trust me, I’m not checking out how sick your IPhone or Otter Box cover is.
The last time a quote explained anything about anyone was in our high school yearbooks and even then it sucked. Maybe some girls are into the deeper side of a complete stranger so it’s nice that you took the time to try and find a way to entice a girl by utilizing a vague sentence in quotations that makes no sense. Even better is when you post it as one of your pics, especially your main pic. No, no, no, no. A picture of a quote? For real? If you really have to post a quote, please put it in your bio and make sure it makes sense and isn’t just a bunch of run on sentences. Quotes do not imply effort, especially when you likely took them from a Google search or a Jimmy Buffet or Tupac song.
Photos that have nothing to do with you
Some people are uncomfortable posting a picture of themselves online. We get that, although I’m not sure what makes you comfortable to go out with someone you don’t know from the internet then. Regardless, we are not going out with your dog, no matter how cute it is, so please don’t post it as your picture. I’ve also swiped left to robots, gerbils, paintings, action figures and plates of food. Side note- Richard Gere is the only guy who can get away with gerbils and even that is questionable.
Everyone has something that sparks an interest in them. And on the flip-side, everyone has something that they feel passionate about that describes who they are. All we ask is that you are more self-aware of what or who you look like in what you post.
I’m thankful for the guys out there that have caught my eye for having pictures of themselves that aren’t selfies alone in their bed at night with their tongue half out. And I swipe right to the ones who can show off their personality but also how good they look without a gym picture or a mirror.
Nothing shows us ladies more that you are not going to murder us than a picture of you with other human beings. Remember that. Whether you care about your potential or not, I can assure you that what you do care about is getting laid. So be mindful that there’s likely a group of girls sitting around their single girlfriend’s cell phone analyzing this potential and laughing their asses off at the guys who have none.