The 32 Most Creepy Online Dating Messages You Never Want To Receive
By Mandy Zucker
1. Helluva segue.
2. Keep looking and hopefully you find a clue eventually.
3. Here’s to 6 more years of trial & error.
4. I’ll take ‘WTF Is This Person Thinking?’ for $500, Alex.
5. New levels of creepy & corny being reached with two simple words.
7. “This may sound weird” for understatement of the year.
8. Words are hard.
9. Take 3. Annnd, ACTION! (Credit: Single Girl In Everybody’s Wedding World)
10. Just let me liberate you.
11. Preparing yourself for rejection helps sometimes.
12. Social skills be hella important.
13. Who makes those, Little Debbie or Hostess?
14. Honesty is the best policy, or at least it was until this guy.
15. His word was good for a total of 7 minutes.
16. Bold predicktion.
17. Just thought you should no.
18. Stupid, creepy, rude question; brilliant response.
19. HOW DID THAT LINE NOT WORK? (CREDIT: Single Girl In Everybody’s Wedding World)
20. Because she really wants the D-tails, right?
21. What’s your stereotype?
23. On my way over to murder you! LOL, JK!
24. If only.
25. That’s not how to court, Marshall.
26. Writing is cathartic.
27. So that wasn’t rhetorical then?
28. Want to?
30. Reject me once, retaliate viciously.
31. Unicorn teeth.
32. Mmm, catfish, although the visual of that description really kills an appetite.
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It started with a right swipe, a little green heart. Tinder of course.
Though I acknowledge and appreciate the differences in human experiences, and while your heartbreak is (and always will be) uniquely and completely your own, I must urge you to consider that I have been where you are.
By Devon Oyler
With his hat cocked back, body tilted away from his cane, and right forefinger pointing directly at his audience, Joseph Ducreux commands the attention of those viewing his self-portrait.
I was born in 1990; he was born in 1973. I’m 23; he just turned 40.