Throughout the last few years of my life – which, unquestionably, have been the most informative as to how I understand my sense of self and the world around me – I have largely operated out of fear. The decisions I made, or didn’t make, were rooted in the fear of being unlovable or unsuccessful, of not being liked, of not being capable. It’s a vicious cycle, navigating your world this way.
I didn’t understand why I was attracting situations that made me deeply feel all of the things I feared. What I failed to understand is that the energy I put out into the world is the exact energy I will receive.
In other words, we attract what is within us – our own limitations, our perspectives, our lenses, and our filters all work together to determine our reality. Remember the billions of neurons that are nestled in that beautiful meaning-making machine of yours? Those neurons are firing with so much power, constantly building connections, resulting in your own unique and absolutely captivating web of reality.
We have two options of what to do with this web: we can live our days on autopilot, letting our neurons fire as we go through the motions, riding the waves. Or, we can live our days awake, aware of the creation of thoughts in our minds, getting after the motions, killing the waves – riding them as hard as we ever could.
I was living my life in the former. I had found a blueprint: the decisions I made, the questions I asked, and the actions I took were automated. They were nestled within the web of my reality and I always knew the result. Once you create a blueprint for how you see yourself, every experience you have confirms your perspective. You find yourself responding to situations with, “Classic. This would happen.”
I was so attached to a particular identity, that I sat back and watched my life unfold with pain, disconnectedness, and a lack of control.
I was comfortable living in fear and riding the waves. I was used to the way I responded to things, and I was used to the resulting anxiety and sadness. In a weird way, it was safe. It was comfortable. This was the problem. I didn’t question the motions. I didn’t question anything. I ignored the signal from the universe that I was misaligned – that I wasn’t respecting my values.
I was so certain that the toxic cycle I was in was what was supposed to be happening to me, that I couldn’t step out of myself to question it.
I was confined to the metrics I had chosen to measure myself to, and I was certain they were the only metrics out there. But that’s where I was wrong. If we’re certain, we are confined to a lack of growth. If we’re certain, we don’t listen to the fear or misalignment as a signal – we just let it be. If you are navigating the world in a similar way, if this blueprint is all you know, then I challenge you to be certain. Be comfortable. Operate out of fear. Then, I challenge you to question it all. Erase your blueprint. Destroy your web of reality. Let go of who you think you are, and be uncertain. Uncertainty is where the magic is.