I could give you a laundry list of the various ways in which I am terrible at dating, including but not limited to over-sharing too soon, not sharing enough, forgetting to return text messages, texting too much, seeking out the emotionally unavailable, being emotionally unavailable myself, etc. You get the picture.
That said, there is one element of my otherwise shoddy game that I’d say is pretty much always on point: I never, ever ask a guy out.
Hold onto your hats; I got my reasons.
At their biological core, men are ruled by sexuality. They identify potential mates using their eyes first, while women take a more complicated approach. Although cultural and personality conflicts with this inevitably occur, men are wired to take what they want. Now, I’m not talking rape or dragging girls around by their hair. What I mean is, when a guy wants something or someone, his instincts tell him to GO GET IT. How each man handles that is up to them, as the digital age and first world privilege have whittled many a dude down to a spineless coño, but the basic biology remains. Any woman with some intuition can generally tell if a man wants to get down because most guys don’t even know how to conceal it. Though some of us may wishfully think otherwise or have forgotten how to read the signs, the writing’s usually on the wall – where their eyes go when they’re talking to us, which direction their body is turned and how they respond when we flirt. Speaking of flirting, that’s my end of the bargain. It goes like this: I flirt with a guy (smile a lot/touch him when I’m talking to him/give him more attention than the other men/compliment him/fidget with my appearance in front of him/tease him a bunch/blush a lot) and…that’s it. If he’s into me, he should ask me out. If he’s SUPER into me, he WILL ask me out. If he doesn’t than he’s too much of a puss for my taste anyways. No way in hell I’m doing it because if he’s not totally feelin’ me and I ask him out, he might still say yes. Why? Because I, a reasonably attractive woman, have indicated to him that I’m potentially interested in sex and his instincts will tell him “YES! SEX! DO IT!” which is not the same thing as reciprocal romantic feelings. If I genuinely like the guy, hanging out and possibly becoming intimate isn’t going to satisfy that if he isn’t coming to the table with the same level of interest.
Today, women are taught to think in a way that was previously looked at as strictly masculine. We’re bred to seize opportunities, be independent, make our own way and I am first in line for all that, when it comes to things that I can control. Women, we hold the reins on how we conduct ourselves, our careers, friendships, living situations and lifestyle decisions. We can’t control the heartstrings and desires of the opposite sex. We can’t seize an opportunity that wasn’t already there. And personally, as a self-described Alpha female, that’s one area of my life where I don’t want to be boss. I don’t want to have to hunt a guy down or convince him to take interest in me. It doesn’t matter how hard I’m crushing or how bad I’m wanting, a man’s gonna have to come and get me. It’s just the natural order of things.