September 19, 2016

To The One Who Got Away… And Came Back

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You broke my heart, so I was convinced you’d always be “the one who got away.” To say our end wasn’t painful would be the biggest lie I’ve ever told. We were young and naïve, but I envisioned the rest of my future with you next to me.

When you left, you changed me. You taught me not to be blinded by the idea of love, by the idea of another human.

It took an eternity to forgive myself for the mistakes I made when it came to our relationship. To forgive myself for giving you everything I had and still not getting to be with you in the end. I’ve spent the past two years learning how to let you go–or so I thought.

When you re-appeared in my world, it felt like I saw a ghost.  How could someone I was sure I would never hear from again be back after everything we put each other through? You often hear about how two people need to grow up without each other to finally become two people who can grow together, but is that true for us? I wish I knew.

I can’t say any of this to you, because I promised myself I wouldn’t chase you again. I promised myself I would give you some time to explain yourself, but please understand that there is a limit on how long your window to my life will be open.

The only thing I know with certainty is that I look for the parts of you I loved the most in every single person I meet. If I’m being completely honest, it’s probably the reason why I haven’t ever had a successful relationship with another human being. I’m not over you and a part of me knows I never will be.

My only real question is this: Why are you back when I was certain you would never return?  I am not bitter or angry or even resentful. You will always be the greatest story I have ever written.

Just tell me, are you back to give me closure? Are you back to give me an apology? Are you back because we’re the type of people whose lines needed to separate for a while so that they could cross again when we were both ready? Whatever the reason is, I just need to know.  I need to know, because I still love you. But this isn’t news to anyone, not even you.

It’s nice to know that the “one who got away” can actually come back, but I have no idea what to do now that you’re here. TC mark

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