What You Could Do When You Get Stood Up
I recently got stood up… on the third date. I felt like a piece of garbage. Garbage on top of garbage as some of my friends like to say. I was completely blindsided. I met the guy at a bar. I held out from any tomfoolery that evening and drunkenly threw out that I’d let him take me out. “Because I am a girl of virtue and grace,” Drunk Maggie managed to pull out of her ass. The second date was pizza and Portlandia. Things were looking good. We made plans for a third date. I waited for him to text me when he was ready for the dinner and movie (The Grey) that he had planned. I waited… and waited and I haven’t heard from him since. Damn. I wasn’t as hurt that he didn’t want to go out with me, I was more hurt that I wasn’t worth a quick “hey cant do 2nite” text. Safe to say, I felt like crap.
The city I live in is a pretty small town. I have now seen him twice, not from across the street, but walking past him on the sidewalk. The first time I saw him walking with another guy. I looked baller that day, so I did what all ladies of the 21st century do. I pulled out my phone and pretended I didn’t see him.
The second time I saw him was on my way to the subway as he was out for the run. I didn’t say anything again, because I was shocked I saw him for the second time. Since comedy comes in threes, I’m bound to run into him again. If you’ve ever been stood up and then seen them later, we have a few options on how to approach the stander upper.
1. Tell him/her that he/she missed out.
You are great. Whether it was the first date or the third, you are awesome. Even if they weren’t completely smitten with you, or you with them, you’re a fantastic person because you would never stand anyone up. You’re a positive Patty and he or she is a Negative Nancy.
2. Let them know only a weirdo stands people up.
If they are the kind of person who stands someone up, you want nothing to do with them. Not only is it disrespectful, it’s just a weird thing to do. If they are in the vein of someone who stands people up on a date, they may also be susceptible to the following weirdness: eating bleach, sucking on their ponytail, talking through movies, owning a Zune, liking Jar Jar Binks or biting their toenails.
3. Pull a “mightier than thou.”
Let them know that you hope that no one ever treats them like they treated you. No one deserves that. Everyone deserves respect. I might have thought his enjoyment of scream-o music and hulking backpack were stupid, but I respected his taste and dumb ass backpack. Also, if you can stand at a higher elevation than them, say a chair, stairs, bench or bar, it’ll really drive the point home.
4. Be a crazy person
This is best used when you know for a fact you’ll never see them again. Call them out. Hell hath no fury like anyone scorned. Announce to everyone on the street, subway car or bar that they stood you up. If you have a few friends with you, make sure they blankly stare at the stander upper like they’re about to snap. Call them names like dirtbag, asshole, dickface, or any combination of two syllable insults. Butthead is a classic. You’ll seem like you’re completely out of your mind, but they’ll know you didn’t take kindly to their nonsense.
5. Don’t say anything
Just fantasize about doing all of the former and hope you never run into him or her again.
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Being “rational” and “realistic” is making us lazy. Worse than that: it is making us complacent, and I think it is time people started doing something about it.
The Relentless Commenter is not cute and you do not follow him. He is not a writer or DJ or barista. He is, however, relentless in his commenting.
I guess it’s easy for you.
You want to know how you earn food? You breathe. You live. You deserve calories just by virtue of the fact that you exist. Not for any other reason.