Everything I Never Told You

You think you know me and you’re all smug because you think you have me figured out in your head, but you’re wrong. When I first met you, I was still the person who had established her self-image while in the company of her guy friends. And that person was just one of the bros: super chill and easygoing, cocky and commitment-phobic, determinedly unmaternal, undomestic and ungirly, and she avoided intimacy and feelings like it was her job.

But that’s not truly a person with depth and emotions and passion—that’s a persona. And that’s not to say I was pretending to be something I’m not, because that persona is absolutely a real part of me, but there is a lot more that I never told you. I’ve come to realize that those bits and pieces of me that I used to emphasize are not the whole truth of who I am, and whatever may happen with us next, no matter the consequences, I want to be honest with you.

I’m an artist.

A dreamer.

A passionate believer.

I’m an actor.

My study is people and the human condition. I strive to understand, but I don’t like to believe the bad.

I live in the moment.

I’m impulsive. A little bit of a loose cannon, I do whatever pops into my head.

I try to live wide. I want a big life.

I don’t do things halfheartedly.

I give love freely and easily.

A romantic.

Poetic.

Perhaps occasionally a bit dramatic.

I genuinely don’t understand all the hatred in the world, the racism and terrorism, and I don’t understand how some people don’t feel any empathy for others. We’re all just humans.

I would rather inconvenience myself than inconvenience someone else or make them feel bad or embarrassed.

I trust in people too much sometimes.

I over-empathize sometimes.

In sports, I always feel so bad for the losing team, even if it’s a team I actually hate.

Family stuff on TV and in movies never fails to make me cry, though I never let anyone see.

And animals.

I don’t understand how dead animals don’t make other people feel devastated inside.

One time I thought I hit a bunny with my car and I almost burst into tears.

Everyone who comes into my life is important to me.

I believe that friends are the family you choose for yourself.

I believe in magic.

I hold on to the hope that everything happens for a reason.

I love to look up at the moon and stars—seeing them always makes me happy because I think they’re so beautiful and inspirational and full of hope. Especially when there’s a full moon, it feels like anything is possible and you know it’ll all turn out okay.

I love the rain because it’s like a new beginning.

I love nature and seeing wild animals, even if it’s just squirrels or sparrows. They make me smile because they are of such singular purpose, living freely and innocently, just like children.