18 Seminal Lessons You Learn From Watching Gay Porn!

1. You expertly learn how to masturbate with headphones on and the volume loud enough to get you hot and bothered but low enough so your roommates don’t hear (Pro tip: they know anyway!).

2. You learn that there is no such thing as a black bottom and that all black guys have huge penises. All of them.

3. When people make an amateur video in public — on a plane, at the back of a bus, in a bathroom, in an elevator — somehow no one ever gets caught. How do they do it?

4. You learn how to hate yourself because you will never be as hung or sculpted as the dudes in gay porn. But you should love your body anyway, and search for porn with your own body type!

5. You can be turned on by sex stuff you didn’t even know was a thing. Watch enough of it on porn and it’ll be your newest fetish.

6. Cockyboys will teach you that you should never have sex without an excellent camera filter and a stunning view of Brooklyn.

7. Igor will teach you how to come seven times.

8. Gay porn will teach you that some guys come A LOT, and you never know where it’s going to end up, so just, like, keep your eyes closed lol.

9. If you’re not white you will learn that your ethnicity is a fetish!

10. The “straight” guys are always broke. They never show up just because they want to have sex with a guy. Nope, always broke with a GF at home.

11. That college campuses are overflowing with secret, bro-filled orgies you’re missing out on (which is kind of true).

12. That you will never want to miss your next Amazon Prime delivery again.

13. It’s possible to come without touching yourself, and the first time you see someone else do it you get determined to learn how.

14. Statistically, no penis is smaller than 8 inches.

15. All guys have orgasms, every single time. There’s no such thing as drinking too much and having too many lols and now you’ve got this hot guy in your bed and then oh god now you can’t come. Not a thing that happens to anyone, ever.

16. What’s the point of taking a long road trip without having a little back seat action…that you then film and put on Xtube!

17. Penises slide easily into anuses without any difficulty whatsoever.

18. Whatever you’re into, there is someone else on this earth who is into it, too. And that’s the beauty of porn.