17 Things You Are Not Entitled To
1) Ever uttering the phrase “Do you know who I am?” as a way to get out of something bad you did or to get into someplace fabulous. Here’s looking at you, Reese Witherspoon. If you have to ask if they know who you are, chances are…they don’t.
2) Talking down to someone because you are in a higher position than they are.
3) Taking up the whole table at the coffee shop and having the balls to get mad if somebody asks to sit with you. Child please.
4) Unprotected sex with someone who doesn’t want to do it.
5) Double dip! If you need to dip again get a new chip, Jesus.
6) A response to a message you sent to someone amazing on OKCupid. If they didn’t respond to your second message, do you really think they’re going to be inclined to respond to the 50th??
7) Touching a black person’s hair — with or without asking!!!
8) Real or threatened violence against someone because you don’t agree with their lifestyle. After a group of Dartmouth students targeted an admitted students session to let them know about the rampant homophobia, sexism and misogyny on campus, some idiot commented, “Why do we even admit minorities if they’re just going to whine?” one commenter asked. “Wish I had a shotgun. Would have blown those [expletive] hippies away,” wrote another. But like, who is this royal “WE”? I’m pretty sure the commenter didn’t admit anybody, so.
9) And speaking of college, an “A” in a class. Grade inflation is such a huge thing now, and believe me, people go apeshit when you give them a B. B’s are awesome! But just because you’re paying college tuition doesn’t mean you are absolutely entitled to that A.
10) The seat next to you on public transportation. Sure, people like to put their stuff down on the seat next to them so nobody can sit next to them. But, honey, unless you bought two tickets, I’m sitting down.
11) And for that matter, more than one parking spot at the mall. I went to a mall recently and this Porsche sedan had literally taken up two parking spots. Like, the small dicked-guy parked on the white line so there couldn’t be a car parked on either side of him. REALLY BRO?
12) ANYTHING IN THE REFRIGERATOR THAT BELONGS TO YOUR ROOMMATE.
13) Any act that involves another person’s body without their consent.
14) Leaving a poor tip. You might have to wait tables one day, and Karma is a bitch.
15) Leaving your bodily waste in the toilet in public rest rooms. Flush that shit people!!!
16) Cheating on somebody. Cheating period, at anything.
17) Admission to elite or Ivy League colleges and universities. So can you cut it out with the anti-affirmative action lawsuits and public temper-tantrums, white people?
To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.
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