February 9, 2013

21 Reasons It’s Better To Live Alone

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What is the issue?
Risky Business (25th Anniversary Edition)
Risky Business (25th Anniversary Edition)

1) You’re responsible for doing all the chores, which probably means your place is going to stay a lot cleaner than if you had a roommate. There’s no person who always takes out the trash to depend on!

2) You’re free to walk around as naked as you want, at all times. Even if you’re just running from the bedroom to the shower to grab something real quick.

3) You won’t have to worry about saving the hot water for your roommates. It’s all yours.

4) You get to “host” sex with anyone at any time. No more trying to work around your roommate’s work/class hours to schedule those hook ups. And guess what? When you’re done your sex friend has their own place to go back to!

5) Relatedly, you won’t have to hear your roommates having loud, gross sex with a person you dislike to eternity.

6) You can talk to yourself in peace. I admit — I talk to myself. A lot. It’s how I figure out ideas, it’s how I work through difficult problems. But you cant do this when you live with somebody because they’re going to think you’re bananas. Well good. Maybe then they’ll move out.

7) Nobody is going to eat the food in your refrigerator labeled “DO NOT EAT.”

8) You don’t have to worry about coming home from work to ribald house parties when all you want to do is sleep.

9) Even though you’ll be living by yourself, you’re probably more like to invite people over than you would if you lived with someone.

10) You get to avoid those difficult roommate talks where you feel like you need to confront the other person about what an asshat they are to live with.

11) You are not going to run into any surprise toenail clippings somebody forgot to clean up — unless they’re yours!

12) You can pretend you’re Beyoncé or RuPaul, sashay around your apartment and queen-out to all your favorite dance songs with the music turned all the way up.

13) You can pick up a piece of food off of the floor and eat it without feeling judged or like you have to adhere to the 2 second rule.

14) You get to watch porn in your living room, right on the sofa. Who says masturbation is for the bedroom?

15) You can also enjoy all of that weird porn you like without worrying about keeping the sound all the way down.

16) You don’t have to worry about snuggling with someone if you are just not in the mood to snuggle RIGHT THEN.

17) You’re not going to accidentally run into your roommate when they’ve got the bathroom door open. That’s the worst time to run into anyone — even somebody you’re in love with.

18) No: “Wait…did you just use my face cream? That shit is like…$15 an ounce.”

19) Or: “Listen, I know that I’m like crazy because I need these magazines to be in a stack, and I know you’re like, reading one right now, but if you could just keep them in a stack? That would really make me happy.”

20) Living alone means you’re going to discover more about yourself, your habits, and what you need.

21) It’s going to force you to go out make friends as an adult, which is the hardest time to make friends anyway. TC mark

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