20 Things We Always Forget
1) The name of a person we should really know. When you run into this person they are so excited to see you but you have no clue who they are.
2) Exactly how long bread is supposed to stay in the toaster or on the broiler, if you make it that way.
3) To change the batteries in the remote. How long have those things been in there again? Instead of just getting new batteries, if you’re like me you do one of three things: beat on the remote; press harder on each individual button, like that makes any difference; or take out one of the batteries and put it in again to see if that makes a difference.
4) That you said you would never drink this much again ever again, ever.
5) To say “I love you” — to yourself.
6) To clean the microwave. The microwave is always the last place that gets cleaned, if you even touch it.
7) Why we got back with an ex or why we gave a person who really let us down a second or third or fourth chance.
8) Chargers. One time I forgot my computer charger in a hotel where I was staying and that’s when I learned that Apple charges $75 dollars for a replacement. Lesson learned!
9) To delete the XXX pics on your phone when you’re just trying to show someone a photo of how wonderful the sunset in Puerto Rico was during your vacation.
10) That you just told a person you were “on your way.” It’s been 30 minutes and you haven’t even left yet.
12) Closing salacious Internet tabs before we go out into society. You do that thing where you slowly open your laptop and PRAY you forgot to close the tab from the last questionable movie/GIF you were watching.
13) What your New Year’s resolutions were supposed to be.
14) That awesome, career changing idea we had in the middle of our sleep.
15) To take your socks off during sex. That’s kind of like having sex with your T-shirt on.
16) To do the laundry. You toss socks and bras and underwear and whatnot into the hamper, and you watch it overflow onto the floor and wonder who is going to do it. Maybe you turn your underwear inside out or take a whiff before you put it back on — you know, just to buy yourself some time before you drag yourself to the laundromat.
17) To save money. Even a little bit goes a long way. But saving is hard, because if you can only afford to put away $10 here, $20 there, sometimes it feels like you’re not even saving anything. If you’re like me, that’s when you just say FORGET IT and blow it on something.
18) Why did you come into this store again?
19) Wait how long have these Chinese takeout leftovers been in the refrigerator? Will I die if I eat them?
20) When you go to the grocery store and forget the key ingredient that’s really supposed to make the new recipe you’re trying tonight. Gah!
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Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.