What You Miss About Them After The Break-Up

Jan. 30, 2013
Madisonmadison moore is a staff writer at Thought Catalog. feel free to email him at: madison@thoughtcatalog.com. Follow him ...

When you break up with someone you were with for six weeks or six years there’s suddenly all this wide-open space you have to deal with. It makes you antsy, doesn’t it? The thing is, even if your ex was a total asshole, made you feel like nothing and you are sooo happy to be free of them once and for all, there are still things that you miss about them. But that does not mean you should get back together. It’s like Charlotte said, “It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.”

I think she’s right, not that there’s an expiration date on our emotions. But with every relationship I’ve ever had, which are not that many, after the break up I felt liberated and free, and maybe a little bit pissed off, sure, but it always took time to get over the other person. You have to allow yourself time to heal, time to find yourself again.

Taking the time to find yourself after a break up doesn’t mean we’re not ourselves when we are in relationships. It means that you have to allow enough time for all that sticky relationship residue to go away or lose meaning for you. After a break up you’re constantly reminded of the other person, and that can either hurt you or make you angry when you’re trying to just forget and move on.

Maybe they left a pair of underwear at your place, or that playlist of songs labeled “Hot Sex” he gave you has like 10 of your favorite jams on it. It’s not like you should up and stop listening to them now just because you broke up. He doesn’t own those songs!!

You miss the way he smells — it was a combination of cologne and natural body odor. The first thing I notice about someone I’m with is how they smell, their hair, the cologne they wear and the type of scents they like. When we really like someone we memorize the way they smell, and smell is probably one of the first things that attracts us to someone. That’s why we smell articles of clothing a love has left behind. We’re breathing them in one last time.

You miss the way he danced around the apartment in his boxers, when you cooked dinner together in your underwear and sometimes one of his balls would peek out at the dinner table while you were enjoying a delicious piece of salmon. “Babe, your ball is out,” you’d tell him, and he’d be all, “I guess he’s ready to play.” Whenever you take the subway you miss how you used to hold on to him while he held on to the pole. He would always gently kiss the top of your head and whenever the train hit those bumpy parts, he was always there to make sure you didn’t fall.

You miss your inside jokes, all those things that made you laugh together that nobody else would really understand. You miss being the big or little spoon. You see clothes that remind you of him and you have to pause. You miss the way he puts your hand on his piece as you fall asleep together.

Because you miss him so much you want to call just to hear his voice one more time. You want to send a text message that says “is this what you really want?” You’ll stalk his Facebook page and miss checking-in places together.

But even in those darkest moments where you feel the most alone, you have to remember that you broke up for a reason. Sure, people get back together after a break-up and sometimes end up happier than ever. But every time you miss something about the other person, think about two things you hated. If the things you hated add up to more than the things you liked, it’s time to let go. TC mark

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