January 5, 2013

7 Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist

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1. If He Or She Works For Applause For A Living.

A narcissist was born to be on cam-ur-rah, the cover of magazines, and always expects to be the center of attention. And how could they not, especially when the success of their career depends on exactly how many people love them. If people don’t love the narcissist, they’re out of a paycheck! When you’re dating a performer of any kind it seems like you’re just asking for it to always be about them, never about you. Madonna, bless her biceps, is probably one of the most famous narcissists out there. I bet whenever she gets into an argument with a lover/sex friend she’s always like, “Betch I am worth $650 million dollars. Get the F out of my Medieval castle.”

2. You Always Feel Like You’re The One Chasing Them

When you’re dating a narcissist you forever feel like you’re the one going after them. It seems like they’re just expecting to be loved and desired because they surround themselves with tons of people who love and desire them and maybe there are a lot of people want to be with them. Which means you’re kind of like a pawn, just another person to date for the time being. If it doesn’t work out with you, WHATEVER, because the narcissist will just easily coast to the next relationship.

3. They Never Care About Your Problems.

It’s cliche to say but you know it’s true: a narcissist only cares about themselves. They might pretend to be interested in you but they’re just going through the motions, so don’t even bother giving them your life story or trying to tell them some of your deepest, darkest secrets or other problems. They don’t care! It’s like that episode of 30 Rock where Jenna says, “That’s a nice story, Jack. But I don’t hear my name in it.” Being self-interested can be tolerable, but it’s hard to swallow when the other person obvi doesn’t give a shit about your stuff.

4. They Only Make A Move On You When THEY Are Good And Ready.

Ah, the ballad of who’s going to make the first move. It’s kind of the whole purpose of dating someone because you don’t have to worry about getting rejected when you go in for the kill and get told that they just want to be friends. But when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they almost never make the first move. It’s always up to you, and you know deep down that if you never made a move that you probably would never get to have sex with them. The key is that narcissists do things on their own terms. It’s always about what’s best for them, when they feel like it.

5. You Can’t Depend On Them.

Sometimes we get sick, find ourselves in jail or scooched off on the side of the road with a flat tire. In times like these you need someone to call who you know is going to have your back. Or at least someone who will come rescue you whenever you get in trouble. Probably the number one sign you know you’re dating a narcissist is if you feel that, deep in your heart of hearts, that this particular person would not be there for you if something happened and you needed them there. And isn’t that the backbone of any meaningful relationship — friendship or otherwise?

6. The Only Activities You Do Together Are Ones They Want.

Narcissists can be moody people and that’s why you need to coddle them and cater to their every needs so they don’t have a tantrum out of nowhere in the middle of Bed Bath and Beyond. A narcissist is only interested in things they are directly interested in, which means you have to do what they want to do. You have to watch the movies they want to watch and you basically suppress your entire self so that your narcissistic partner is okay. Gee, doesn’t that seem uneven.

7. They Are Always Treating You To A Wonderful Buffet Of Mixed Signals.

The narcissist puts you in a state of constant emotional sensitivity. When they finally decide to send you a text, your face lights up. When they make plans with you, you get so excited about the future. But they always let you down, don’t they? After making you feel special for once, they’re off and they disappear and you instantaneously drop to the bottom of their list of priorities. Basically they’re forever sending mixed signals — they want you, they don’t want you. They’re hot about you, but then they’re cold about you. Sure they may be hot and AMAZING in bed, but is it worth all the emotional turmoil for one person? TC mark

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