15 Fabulous Reasons It’s Okay To Be Single During The Holidays
1) You get to avoid those first awkward family moments where you realize your boy/girlfriend’s entire family is absolutely bat shit crazy and, holy shit, it’s kind of likely s/he could end up like them.
2) Fewer presents to buy for people you don’t know all that well. When you’re single you’re only responsible for people in your family. But when you’re with someone, it’s kind of rude to not get the lead people in their family something, too. That’s a little presumptuous though, right? Like, who knows whether you’ll even see these people again next year the way this relationship has been going.
3) Fewer ridiculous Facebook family shots, with you tagged in all of them. You don’t really want to be Facebook friend’s with your boyfriend’s Aunt Clotilda all that much. When in doubt, Limited Profile that betch.
4) Quality time with your own family and friends, whom you’ve neglected because work and school has been so stressful.
5) You’re free and clear of ratchet holiday relationship drama. You don’t run the risk of breaking up with someone/having a holiday meltdown. There’s no worse time of year to break up with someone than during the holidays. Better to avoid relationships altogether!
6) There are tons of other cheerful, horny single people where you live who are just waiting to meet you. Ho ho ho!
7) New Years Eve. You do not want to be in a relationship on New Year’s Eve. Added bonus: there will be no one to explain your black out to.
8) You can put off all new dating until January. Dating people in the fall is always hard because everything starts off nicely. The weather is still nice, the semester is just beginning, your collection of autumn scarves is particularly fabulous, and you have someone to play in the leaves with. But it’s all a mirage. Suddenly it gets cold and then the holidays come, and that always ruins everything. However come January everyone wants to cuddle up because it’s cold out, Valentine’s Day is coming, and that’s the one day you do NOT want to be a single.
9) You don’t have to pretend to love any stupid gifts, especially if you feel like you gave your boy/girlfriend a much better gift.
10) You can take advantage of all those sales and get yourself something fabulous! You made it through the year alive without any serious black outs or stints in rehab. That’s worth celebrating, right?
11) No need pretending you’re a fabulous cook. Just order some Indian food or pop open a box of Tostino’s and watch back episodes of your favorite television show.
12) You can go on a vacation somewhere warm.
13) You’re free to go to that Ugly Sweater/XXX Adult Santa party you’ve always wanted to go to.
14) You don’t have to argue over whose family to visit, which always leads to a fight because neither of you wants to visit the other person’s people.
15) You can have holiday sex with an ex. BUT JUST MAKE SURE S/HE KNOWS THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU’RE GETTING BACK TOGETHER.
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It started with a right swipe, a little green heart. Tinder of course.
Though I acknowledge and appreciate the differences in human experiences, and while your heartbreak is (and always will be) uniquely and completely your own, I must urge you to consider that I have been where you are.
With his hat cocked back, body tilted away from his cane, and right forefinger pointing directly at his audience, Joseph Ducreux commands the attention of those viewing his self-portrait.
I was born in 1990; he was born in 1973. I’m 23; he just turned 40.