1. Thou shalt always ASK first.
I always tell people that the best thing about being a gay is that you get to borrow each other’s clothes! I mean, all except for underwear, because that’s just weird. But gay or straight, never assume you have the right to any person’s hard-earned and carefully curated wardrobe. And especially don’t ask to borrow something when you have already taken it off the hanger and are just about to put it in your bag/murse/purse/satchel. Rude.
2. Thou shalt understand that new stuff is off limits.
New clothes are the reason we’re excited to get up in the morning. We just can’t wait to WORK the mess out of a new pair of shoes or a new tank top or pair of jeans. So do not ask if you can borrow something I just got. I guess I don’t mind if you borrow some of the stuff I’ve already featured, but new clothes are off limits. Maybe I’ll think about letting you borrow it after I’ve already debuted it to the public. And even then I don’t know, because sometimes you have to work a new piece on a few different occasions before anybody notices.
3. Thou shalt return things on time.
There’s nothing worse than lending somebody an article of clothing that you’re never going to get back. Oh but you’re going to get it back. See, the friend you lent it to thinks you forgot about it but NO YOU HAVE NOT. Every day that passes with the item unreturned is a day you sit arms crossed, lips pursed out, going “mmmmhmmm.” One time my friend Tina let me borrow this FABULOUS feather caplet, but it took me forever to give it back to her and I felt so bad about it because she was eager to let me work it. I’M SORRY GIRL.
4. Thou shalt not be afraid to say NO.
Nobody has a right to your closet. If they are really in a pinch, feel free to direct them to the closest Forever 21/Wet Seal/Bebe.
5. Thou shalt not ask a lot.
We are happy to let our friends borrow things for a hot date, a job interview, or a night out on the town, especially when we know that their pocketbook is in a pinch. But just, let’s not make it a regular occurrence. My name is not Macy’s, darling.
6. Thou shalt return things clean.
Probably the worst thing you can do if you borrow clothes is to return them dirty — arm pit stains, splashes of wine, whatever. It’s courteous to find out how your friend cleans the piece you borrowed, and you should do everything you can to return it to them in the way you borrowed it. If you return something to them in a messed up condition, well now they are less likely to let you borrow anything ever again.
7. Thou shalt not be afraid to ask for your sh-t back.
If you’ve waited forever and a day for so-in-so to return a piece and you really want to wear it, don’t be afraid to ask for it back. It’s yours!
8. Thou shalt be honest if something gets damaged.
Don’t you hate it when you loan somebody something — anything — and it comes back to you in a questionable state? A state less pristine than it left you in? It’s just a thing, so it’s not worth getting all upset about if it is broken. But you really suck if you return something damaged and you’re dishonest about it, like you try to play it off like you ain’t know you effed it up. “That hole? Wait…that wasn’t there when you loaned it to me?” TROLLOP NO IT WAS NOT!!!
9. Thou shalt never, EVER lend out the good stuff.
And this is why you should never lend out any of the good stuff, those pieces that make you look particularly amaze in your OKCupid profile pic. Those are the pieces that always get broken or never returned until you ask. The Louboutins are always off limits, so don’t ask.
10. Thou shalt let me borrow some of your stuff, too.
It’s not fair to ask a person to borrow their things if you’re not going to open up your closet, too. But I guess if your closet was so hot, you wouldn’t need to be borrowing clothes in the first place, now would you?