A Playlist For People Doing A Striptease
Whenever things are reaching a lull in the bedroom, or maybe if you’re just in the mood for some afterwork relaxation, a nice striptease can save the day. A striptease is all about sensation: what the stripper looks like, what the setting is, and the kind of music played. Music plus the visual of a really hot near-naked person working your lap, hovering over you, breathing down your neck, showing you their body — but no touching! — makes you a hostage to your own sexual desire. It’s all stimulation, no release.
The hardest part about doing a striptease (no puns, people) is choosing the right soundtrack. What songs would get you to rip those pants off, fast? It’s easy to go with something that sounds sultry, like “Darling Nikki” by Prince, a striptease must, or the horny saxophones in Etta James’ “I Just Wanna Make Love to You,” the orgasmic tone of Donna Summer’s disco classic “Love to Love You Baby,” or the whispered hush of Peggy Lee’s “Fever.” Then, of course, there are the more upbeat songs full of sexual innuendos, songs that facilitate the shaking of any body part that moves. You know the ones: hip-hop classics like E.U.’s “Doin Da Butt,” “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot, or “Push It” by Salt-N-Peppa. For the gays, there’s Cazwell’s “Ice Cream Truck,” which I have seen many a twink shake a booty to.
If you want a more abstract approach to your stripping, you can look to certain kinds of dance music. Ladytron’s “Black Cat” has aggressive beats that’ll get you to bend over or you know, whatever, every time they hit. “Love” by Kazaky is another decadent, hard-hitting, upbeat dance song that gets you to pose and to just generally work it out, bitch! And Goldfrapp combines the dance beat with a sultry voice that makes her music perfect for almost any striptease. Basically my clothes are almost already off after thinking about this list.
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Though I acknowledge and appreciate the differences in human experiences, and while your heartbreak is (and always will be) uniquely and completely your own, I must urge you to consider that I have been where you are.
With his hat cocked back, body tilted away from his cane, and right forefinger pointing directly at his audience, Joseph Ducreux commands the attention of those viewing his self-portrait.
I was born in 1990; he was born in 1973. I’m 23; he just turned 40.