April 2, 2013

25 Reasons Kristen Bell Is The World’s Most Adorable Human

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s_bukley / Shutterstock.com
s_bukley / Shutterstock.com

1. Kristen Bell is good friends with Craig Ferguson (America’s favorite endearingly creepy uncle) and regularly goes on his show, just because. She’s not promoting anything; she just wants to hang out with him, so she does. Kristen Bell also accompanied him to France, because that’s what besties do. They take trips to France together. Moral: I need richer friends.

2. Bell also has a longstanding feud with Craig Ferguson’s robot sidekick, because she wanted to be Ferguson’s Andy Richter and Geoff Peterson got the job instead. Their reps denied any hostility between the two.

3. Her dogs are named Lola, Sadie and Mr. Shakes.

4. In school, she somehow worked at TCBY while playing hockey and broke both of her wrists doing so. Bell was also named the most attractive girl in her Senior yearbook. Kristen Bell contains multitudes.

5. She can tell when a sloth is near.

6. Since Veronica Mars was taken away from us in 2008, Bell has been the strongest supporter of getting the movie made, even outright hustling funds from Don Cheadle in Vegas. Bell gambled Cheadle for all of his chips, twice, and then just pocketed the money. When Cheadle asked for his chips back, Bell reminded him that’s not the way gambling works. She kept it.

7. When the VM Kickstarter succeeded, Bell filmed a reaction video with creator Rob Thomas (not the Matchbox Twenty guy) and onscreen dad Enrico Colantoni. She barely sustains her tears as her excitement builds.

8. Also, this was her actual statement from that Kickstarter:

“I am currently the happiest blonde in a hamster ball the world has ever seen…You have banded together like the sassy little honey badgers you are and made this possibility happen. I promise if we hit our goal, we will make the sleuthiest, snarkiest, it’s-all-fun-and-games-‘til-one-of-you-gets-my-foot-up-your-ass movie we possibly can. I promise to give it my all. I promise to work my hardest to give everyone a little bit more Veronica, and I will be oh-so-honored to do so. I only ask for one thing in return. If I ever die, do me a favor. Go on Oprah and tell the world that I loved kittens.”

9. Someone who looks like that is married to someone who looks like this and makes movies like these. Dax Shepard proved himself with Parenthood, but Kristen Bell believed in him first. She knew there was some good in there.

10. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are one of those couples who have decided not to get married until “everyone can.” Usually this kind of annoys me when straight couples cohabitate out of wedlock in solidarity (because if you a) want to get married and b) can, be in solidarity by FUCKING DOING IT), but it’s cute when they do it.

11. They recently named their daughter “Lincoln” because they thought to themselves, “What does every little girl want? To be named after the 16th president!” It also subverts gender expectations, which is always awesome. Note to baby: If you start going by Lin, I’m coming for you. Don’t screw this name up.

12. Before the baby was born, Bell claimed that her dogs were “eavesdropping” on him. They would routinely come up and rest their head against her pregnant belly. It was probably just for a pillow, but her version is cuter.

13. Her thoughts on birthing: “You kind of go brain-dead when you’re pregnant. You’re kind of in a dopamine phase. I’m kind of happy all the time, and dumb.”

14. Like all of America, Kristen Bell is obsessed with Amy Poehler. Bell states that she wants to be a stand-up comedian when she grows up.

15. Bell claims to have dessert after every meal, including breakfast. My question though: What comprises an appropriate breakfast dessert? When all else fails, I usually just pour chocolate syrup in my mouth. Problem solved.

16. She’s been in TV shows as varied as Party Down, Gossip Girl, The Cleveland Show and I without ever showing her face — because she’s the kind of girl who takes no credit. Two of them were cartoons, one was a voiceover job and the other she was actually in, but nobody watched. Being on Party Down is a lot like no one seeing you. It’s your fault it got cancelled, America. Where’s their Kickstarter?

17. Bell jokes that when she’s out with Hayden Panettiere (who she became good friends with after Heroes) no one recognizes her. When she does get recognized, she says it’s because people think she’s Lauren Conrad. See? No credit taken.

18. Kristen Bell has delivered babies with her own bare hands. She had to play midwife when she was doing volunteer work in Latin America.

19. She supported Invisible Children before it was cool — and problematic. Kristen Bell also acted in a play with Liam Neeson before he was all popular and stuff.

20. She still uses coupons when she shops. Her favorite? Bath and Body Works.

21. For someone as ludicrously attractive as she is, Bell claims she never could see herself as being sexy until her mid-20s. Ms. Bell took tomboy roles because she “wasn’t homely enough to play the nerdy girl and not pretty enough to play the pretty girl.” Maxim clearly disagrees, as she’s included on their “We’re Objectifying You 100” list every year. She still claims that dating “makes her want to vomit” because of “nerves.”

22. Kristen Bell is an avowed nerd and huge gamer. Because every guy I know didn’t already want to have sex with her enough, she was one of the voices for the wildly popular Assassin’s Creed. She was also on Heroes, but that’s when it started to get bad. No nerd cred to be found there.

23. Her first acting role was a challenging dual part. She had to transform her mind and body to get into the roles of “Banana” and “A Tree” in the Raggedy Ann and Andy play. She later made her film debut in Pootie Tang — to which there is a very clear through line. I don’t know why acting in Pootie Tang makes me like someone even more, but it does.

24. She can act in films as doubleplusungood as Burlesque, When in Rome, Movie 43 and You Again and be nice about it. However, if I got the chance to work with Cher, Betty White and Sigourney Weaver, I would be nice about it, too. (Apparently Bell is a big Cher fan. Adorable, I know.)

25. She nicknamed her right eye “Wonky.” No further comment. TC mark

Nico Lang

Nico Lang is a correspondent and blogger for WBEZ (Chicago’s local NPR affiliate), the Co-Creator of In Our Words, …

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