Thought Catalog
April 21, 2017

Here’s What You Need To Remember When Timing Isn’t On Your Side

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What is the issue?
Timothy Paul Smith

Ever wondered why your relationship didn’t worked out although it started SO right? He (she) was more than ok, you were into him (her), but something didn’t click. All of a sudden you stopped being interested or it was your partner who didn’t want to be with you anymore. And so it ended. But why did it happened like this?

When I first got my heart broken by what looked like a nice guy, I asked myself what was wrong with me. All of our common friends warned me about him being so sensitive, that I should be extra careful with him. In the end, it was me who got hurt. Naturally I wondered what caused him to be NOT so nice to me, especially when at about the same time he started dating someone else, with whom he is now in a happy relationship. Clearly it was me who was lacking something.

It took me a while to understand that I should not take it personally and it wasn’t until I was put into the position of letting someone go, that I understood that is no one’s fault. The timing was just not right for the two of us.

Don’t be the one to throw the stone.

When a fling or even a serious partnership comes to an end, we tend to look for someone to put the blame on. Sometimes we throw the guilt on the other person, other times we hold ourselves responsible for the split, even a friend can be found guilty for mingling. But what if I told you the enemy is just the timing? There are still some things that you both need to learn before being ready to settle and there is nothing that can be done about it.

The way he treated you, has nothing to do with the way he will treat “the one”.

Believe it or not, but this is the truth. In the years that I was single I used to date a lot of random guys. To some of them I’ve been nice, to others a complete b*tch. And even after all this time I still cannot find a pattern for my behaviour. The same goes for the guys I’ve been in a relationship with, the “nice dork” is the guy treated me like crap, the bad boy with the BMW like a princess, although their behaviour with their ex-s was very different.

You are not guilty for his (her) behaviour.

Even harder to believe, but you are not the one to determine the way he will treat you. We are all going through stuff in our lives, sometimes we are not in the mood for romantic scenarios, other times we are hungry for attention and to this you need to add the other person’s needs. Here comes the complexity of our relationships, we both need to be on the same frequency to be a perfect match.

All failures come with a lesson.

The worst experiences teach us the most valuable lessons, so learn to embrace the experience. If you mistreated someone, identify the characteristics that you didn’t like in him (her) and avoid them in the future. If you really liked someone, but he wasn’t that into you, look to see what made you so attracted to him and look for those in the next date you have. You can learn a lot about yourself only by looking at your romantic history, so take a pen and a paper and start analyzing.

Don’t feel sorry for the other person.

I am not saying not to apologize for what you did wrong, but be careful not to fall in the guilt trap as this will benefit no one. Learn not to repeat the mistake and let it go, the other should also learn not to put himself in that position in the future.

Don’t get desperate because it didn’t worked out for the two of you.

The stars will align for you to meet the perfect person at the right time, there is no need for desperation. In the years that I was single I went through the desperation phase and things only got worst. When I finally understood that I should be focusing on myself and enjoy the alone time, I started to find better and better dates. Panicking will only make your life harder, learn to snap out of it and focus on yourself.

It is indeed hard to find the perfect layout and timing for a relationship, but when the time is right, Mr. or Mrs. Perfect will come along. The best way to spot The One is to first learn what you are searching for. Usually people need to see what they don’t like, just to figure out what they do like, so put yourself out there and enjoy the bumpy ride of the love train, perhaps the next stop will also be the final one. TC mark

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