1. I buy Bath and Bodyworks candles, especially when they’re on sale.
“I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let a Bath and Bodyworks 2 for $25 deal on their 3 wick candles go to waste.”
2. I wrap the towel around my chest and sit cross-legged.
“Grew up with three sisters. Sometimes I still wrap the towel around my chest. I also sit cross-legged a lot.”
3. I pluck my eyebrows.
“Pluck my eyebrows. I get a unibrow if I don’t.”
4. I worry that my butt and thighs aren’t very shapely.
“I worry that my butt and thighs aren’t very shapely.”
5. I like to bake (got a banana bread in the oven right now).
“These things are typically referred to as girly but I honestly don’t care. I like to bake (got a banana bread in the oven right now), I love a good chick flick (crazy, stupid, love is one of my favs) and I have also been known to snuggle up in a blanket and eat ice cream from the tub. So you could say I ooze testosterone.”
6. I take a leak sitting down.
“Take a leak sitting down…sometimes you just need a break.”
7. I only drink what are considered ‘girly drinks.’
“I only drink what are considered ‘girly drinks,’ I guess? Because they taste amazing. No shame in that.”
8. I only use women’s deodorant.
“I only use women’s deodorant, Dove Cucumber Melon specifically.”
9. I get grossed out by bugs.
“Get grossed out by bugs. I put on a brave face for my kids, though.”
10. I thoroughly enjoy the Oscars.
“I thoroughly enjoy the Oscars. I watch the red carpet show, the whole broadcast and follow ups for days after.”
11. I go to a hairdresser instead of a barber to get my hair cut.
“I go to a hairdresser instead of a barber to get my hair cut. My last barber was an old Austrian dude who gave everyone Hitler hair. The dresser, on the other hand, knows how to make my hair short and stylish since I have no fashion sense.”
12. I say ‘I’m fine’ when I’m having a bad day.
“Say ‘I’m fine’ when I’m having a bad day.
Conditioner and hairspray (sometimes).”
13. I like pumpkin spice.
“I like pumpkin spice. Doesn’t really matter what. Latte, coffee, beer, whiskey, loaf, frap, capp, whatever. Love that shit.”
14. I talk to my dog in a super-high-pitched cutesy voice.
“Talk to my dog in a super-high-pitched cutesy voice…but I think most people do that to their dogs anyway.”
15. I sing along to chick music.
“Sing along to Blondie, ABBA, The Bangles, and whole lotta Carpenters as well.”
16. I flat-iron my hair.
“Flat-iron my hair, every morning, then comb a few drops of coconut oil through it.
In the genetic lottery, I’m a theoretical win-win that’s really a loss.
My dad: Thick, dark hair that didn’t begin to turn grey until he was nearly sixty.
My mom: Perfect thick curls that naturally fall the right way.
Me: Jew-fro that just looks awful.”
17. I play with my tits.
“I play with my tits.
Wait, that’s actually kinda manly.”
18. I take great care of my skin.
“Sephora purity facewash, plus microderm, and finish with ‘hope in a jar.’
I haven’t gotten a zit in over two years and it makes my 31-year-old self get carded to see rated R movies.”
19. I tear up during emotion scenes during a movie.
“Tear up during emotion scenes during a movie. Couple of reasons for this: 1. former junkie, used to keep that shit bottled up, now I feel it fully. 2. IDGAF 3. I try to set an example for my daughter of how a man should act: I tell my wife I love her and she’s beautiful multiple times a day (and the kids are around enough to see it frequently), I admit when I’m wrong, I apologize when its appropriate, and I don’t hide/bottle my emotions (basically i try not to be a dick).”
20. I cry and get emotional when I think about my little kids all grown up and moved out.
“Cry and get emotional when I think about my little kids all grown up and moved out.”
21. I dance around my room naked while singing ‘I’m a Barbie Girl’ into my hairbrush.
“I tuck my bits between my legs, and dance around my room naked while singing ‘I’m a Barbie Girl’ into my hairbrush.”
22. I never know where I want to eat.
“I never know where I want to eat.”
23. I sit down when I piss.
“Sit down when I piss and also Korean Dramas. I get into these weird random Korean Drama binge and then next thing I know I’m watching them and singing the damn theme songs.”
24. I run away from spiders.
“Run away from spiders. Fast.”
25. I use ChapStick that is meant for girls.
“Use ChapStick that is meant for girls. One day my lips were really chapped so my friend let me use hers. Next morning I woke up, lips healed. Ever since, I only use girl ChapStick.”
26. I’ve memorized many of Taylor Swift’s songs.
“I’ve memorized many of Taylor Swift’s songs because she makes me feel things…very non-manly things…”
27. I put both the toilet seat and cover down.
“I put both the toilet seat and cover down. I grew up with 4 sisters so the seat is natural at this point, and quite honestly, even though I keep my bathroom clean, I stilI think toilets are kinda gross and don’t want to knock anything in there.”
28. I talk about my feelings to my friends.
“Talk about my feelings to my friends.”
29. I get pedicures and manicures.
“Pedicures and manicures. Not too often, but more often than many girls I know. It just keeps your nails fingers and toes clean.. and shiny.”
30. I recently bought a man-purse.
“I recently bought a man-purse. I’ve always wanted to carry more shit around. I’ve always said, when it’s sociably acceptable, I’m buying one. Well, it’s not really very socially acceptable where I live yet, but idgaf I want it.”
31. I watch tear-jerkers while getting drunk on wine.
“Watching tear-jerkers while getting drunk on wine.”
32. I write poetry.
“Write poetry…I get so much shit for it from my friends too :/”
33. I sing in the shower. Every time.
“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I sing in the shower every time.”
34. I shave my legs.
“I was a competitive cyclist for many years. Still shave my legs 7 years later.”
35. If I see a snake I scream like a little girl.
“If I see a snake I scream like a little girl. I regret nothing.”
36. I make a lot of hand gestures.
“I make a lot of hand gestures. It’s gotten to the point where my friends call me ‘Jack Sparrow’ and every girl I meet thinks I’m gay.”
37. I shave my armpits.
“Shave my armpits. Armpit hair is just gross honestly. Idc if a girl has leg hair or pubes or whatever hair she wants, but armpit hair is just kinda nasty.”
38. I do facemasks.
“IDGAF what anyone says, my face feels amazing after I do a mask #noragrets.”
39. I watch romcoms and eat ice cream with my candles all lit.
“I watch romcoms and eat ice cream with my candles all lit……on my own.”
40. I put toilet paper on my toilet seat, even at home.
“I put toilet paper on my toilet seat, even at home. Personally I believe the toilet seat being cold makes me clench my butthole and makes for a slightly less smooth poop transaction. I also use wet wipes when I poop, and a loofah when I shower.”
41. I fill in my eyebrows with an eyebrow pen.
“I fill in my eyebrows with an eyebrow pen—gf always compliments how well groomed I am (go to the barber to get my hair cut, beard trimmed and they wax/shape your eyebrows). That’s the only ‘makeup’ I use, not sure why there is a double standard with guys using makeup.”