Thought Catalog
February 7, 2017

34 Men Discuss Society’s Insane Double Standards That Favor Women And Hurt Men

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Flickr / Lisa Stevens
Flickr / Lisa Stevens
Found on AskReddit.

1. If women sexually harass us, it’s seen as amusing rather than rapey.

“One night in a bar, this incredibly drunk, incredibly skanky woman started fucking grinding on me while I was just trying to sit and drink a beer. Rubbing her gross vag all over my pant leg, and generally being disgusting and inappropriate. While this was happening, I thought ‘If the roles were reversed, security would be tossing me out the door headfirst.’ Instead, people just laughed.”

Mantaur4HOF


2. If you go anywhere in public with little kids, you’re seen as a predator pedo.

“I’m a 19 y/o male, and I babysit my 3 and 6-year-old girl cousins often. Last time I babysat them, we played tag, then we had to go to the grocery store. The 3-year-old decided that she wants to play tag, and runs away from me, so I chase her down, playfully saying, ‘I’m gonna get ya!’ in a funny voice cuz it gets her to laugh. A mom passes by and grabs my 3-year-old cousin, takes the 6-year-old, and goes to a manager. My aunt had to come down and tell them that I was watching them. That was the worse it’s been, but if I go anywhere in public with little kids, especially girls, I’m seen as a predator pedo.”

Realshoebox


3. If you and a girl both get drunk and have sex, only one can be accused of rape.

“There was the anti-rape poster I saw a while back, where two teens get drunk and hook up. The dude gets busted for rape since she couldn’t give consent. The poster mentions nothing about it being the other way around, as in the girl getting busted for rape since he couldn’t give consent. The poster completely disregards the dude as a possible victim. It even goes as far as shaming the dude saying he ruined his life. Made me sick. All it did was promote male victims to want to hide even more.”

aUsefulTool


4. Men are always the dumb ones on TV.

“That men are always the dumb ones on TV. I grew up with three sisters and my mom, and I’ve always been disregarded as the stupid, out-of-touch male. Then, when I end up being right most of the time, I make a big deal about it and make everything worse, AND IT’S THE TV’S FAULT.”

thisisntevenmyreal


5. Women don’t get blamed for dumping a man; when a man dumps a woman, he’s ‘afraid of commitment.’

“When a woman leaves a relationship she is praised for pursuing her needs, but when man leaves a relationship he is criticized for not being able to commit.”

janxspiritt


6. Female bisexuality is accepted. Male bisexuals? They’re just gay.

“How female bisexuality is more accepted and acknowledged—sometimes even encouraged—than male bisexuality.”

xavierdc


7. Male genital mutilation—totally legal in every country.

“Female genital mutilation: Totally illegal in most countries.
Male genital mutilation: Totally legal in every country.”

Ls2323


8. If a woman gets angry at a man, it’s his fault.

“Man gets angry at a woman, he needs to control himself. Woman gets angry at a man, man needs to learn not to make her angry.”

tensor0910


9. Our society doesn’t believe that women can sexually abuse boys.

“It’s probably way too late for this to get any attention but I am a male victim of sexual abuse.

I was first sexually abused when I was four years old. It was swept under the rug because the 25-year-old that did it to me ‘was going through some things and didn’t know any better.’

Fast-forward to when I’m 9 and I was sexually abused every Friday for over a year and a half. I was told by my abuser that if I let anyone know, it would be my fault and I would get in trouble. One day I finally told, just wanting it to end even if I got in trouble. What happened? Both me (9) and my female abuser (23) were given a stern talking to. That was it. She went on to live her life. I never saw her again.

Every Friday I was locked in a room and bound. I would be left in the dark while I would have her perform oral (attempted since I was 9 and unable of getting an erection). She would pump me full of fluids and when I had to go to the bathroom she’d have me pee on her. At times she would pee into a cup and try to force me to drink it. If I was being more cooperative than usual she would untie my hands and have me touch her. At the end of every, I dunno what to call it—session?—she would tell me that if I told anyone I would be taken from my parents. Even if they didn’t take me from my parents her dad who was a ‘bad man’ would kill my mom and my sisters.

That is until I was 15 and made a Facebook. She found me on there and would leave comments like ‘look who grew up sexy’ and stuff like that. I reached out to the adults in my life and they told me to ignore it, which I did. But they told me I was a guy and I could handle it. It’s not something that keeps me awake at night. But in order to get over it I had to harden myself because ‘I’m a guy and guys can’t get raped.’

On a previous reddit account I went to open up on a victims of sexual abuse page. I wrote out a multi-page post just getting it out there. The only replies I got were about how I was a guy and I didn’t know what it was like to be violated as a woman. I was harassed for weeks by women on there for trying to compare my experience to theirs.”

NonDucor_Duco1


10. Women can beat us up all they want, but if we hit back, we’re monsters.

“I’m a big guy, I shave my head and grow a beard, most people think I’m intimidating.

Truly I’m timid at heart, I know how to box but have always found a way around confrontation.

I had a girlfriend that got crazy violent when she was mad, knives, tazers, guns, frequently got involved. I hit her a lot in self defense (we were together for 3 years it definitely played into my low self esteem, i loved to hate it) and it completely ruined my psyche. I think of myself as a woman beater, as a misogynist now just knowing that I’m capable of it.

Just the idea that I can hit a woman has driven me to some of my darkest depths and even now typing it I dont feel justified in my actions despite the fact I was protecting my own life.

One night she came at me with a tazer from behind she started it early and I had enough time to move, she tripped and stunned herself, screaming in pain, bruised her forehead hitting it against the floor. Neighbors heard and called the cops and she gave a false statement. Of course looking the way I do it didn’t matter what I said, I spent a night in holding before she dropped the charges and got me out. I guess I’m just thankful she “loved” me enough not to let me get charged with that shit.

It’s made me scared about new relationships because I’m afraid someone can just tell a cop whatever they want and I’ll get fucked.

Shit this will probably get buried but it was nice to say it. edit: this post blew up r.i.p. my inbox. appreciate all the support and kind words. pm me if you want to talk peeps.”

agentwashingtn


11. Stay-at-home dads are lazy losers; stay-at-home moms are empowered heroes.

“I’m a stay-at-home father because I’m taking care of my wife and I’s 2 year old son. My wife’s got a career that’s promising advancement and she works sometimes 12 hour days. I often get the ‘Why doesn’t he have a job’ and ‘He’s a deadbeat dad’ routine but if I was a woman I’m sure I’d hear about how mothers work so hard as housewives.

TLDR; Man stays home raises child = Lazy, Woman stays home raises child = Hardworking Hero.”

iAntiHero


12. If you’re a male nurse, people think it’s because you couldn’t become a doctor.

“When a man is a nurse people think and many times say in their face ‘Couldn’t become a doctor, huh?”

MosquitoRevenge


13. If a girl sexually assaults you, you’re supposed to enjoy it.

“I was sexually assaulted by a girl when I was plastered once and kept saying no I don’t want this. Woke up feeling violated and insanely uncomfortable yet when I told people they all told me to suck it up and I should’ve enjoyed getting some action.”

chris94677


14. There are huge gender disparities in criminal sentencing.

“That women who have sex with underage boys aren’t given the same sentences as men who do the same with underage girls.”

Ms-Anthrop


15. If men show feelings, they’re seen as pussies.

“I don’t like how if guys show feelings and emotions they’re some kind of pussy and if a chick does it’s normal. We are all humans and we all have the same emotions that aren’t good to bottle up.”

AbysmalVixen


16. Guys are still expected to be the breadwinner.

“I don’t like that there’s still this idea that guys have to be the ‘breadwinners’ and provide for families. Some guys are cool with being ‘househusbands,’ and women are just as capable of bringing home the money.”

AdmiralRiffRaff


17. If a man who murdered a woman spoke at a ‘Men’s March,’ it’d be national news.

“There was a speaker at the women’s march on Washington named Donna Hylton. She got up on stage and talked about how she had spent 25 years in prison (not mentioning why of course), and the audience cheered.

Turns out, she spent 25 years in prison because in 1985, she and a handful of other people kidnapped a 60-year-old man, tried to ransom him for $435,000, tortured him for three weeks (Hylton personally sodomized him with a metal rod), strangled him, and stuffed his body into a chest to decompose.

I can’t help but wonder how a man with an equivalent record would be received at the same event.”

TheVegetaMonologues


18. Women are allowed to reject guys based on their looks without being seen as ‘shallow.’

“When I turn down chubby women I’m shallow, but I get turned down for being bald and it ‘just her preference.’”

GuruBushHippie


19. If a man cheats, he’s an asshole; if a woman does, it’s the man’s fault.

“I hate the TV portrayal that if a man cheats its cause he’s an asshole and heartless but if a women does its scandalous and its cause her husband must either treat her bad or is just never around.”

MrThunderkat


20. Despite what Hillary Clinton said, men are the primary victims of war.

“That men for some reason have to be soldiers in some countries while woman only can.”

CIaptr4p


21. Divorce laws are lopsidedly in favor of women.

“Divorce law.

Women are entitled to alimony at a MUCH higher percentage, even when she’s the primary bread winner.

The idea that a divorced woman has the right to a standard of living consistent to when you were married is gross. No one is entitled to a standard of living, that’s life. That we can be divorced and I can lose my job but still have to pay to keep you living how we were when we were married and I was employed…it’s insane.”

TedKordBB2


22. Sex toys for girls—normal. Sex toys for guys—weird loser.

“When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he’s called a pervert?”

The_devils_advocate6


23. A guy who plays video games for hours has a problem; a woman who watches Netflix all night doesn’t.

“When I play 3 hours of video games I have a problem. When my wife watches 5 hours of Netflix every night it’s not a problem.
Edit: I agree this is not a gender thing. Sorry about answering the question wrong. There is a double standard with gaming/television watching though.”

fatherping


24. Men are expected to just sit back and let women hit them. If they complain, they’re a pussy; if they hit back, they’re a monster.

“Domestic Violence. I just got out of an abusive relationship two weeks ago and I’m shocked at how hard it was for me to talk about it and get taken seriously with my peers. She was so mean and I’m the exact opposite these days. Only today have I felt validated for everything when I happened upon a counselor on another thread. I feel terrible about myself still and apparently that’s normal. I’m 6’4″ and a professional bouncer/bodyguard but let me tell you. Men can be abused just as easily as women. It was so bad I’m spending my lunch break here and trying to find a support group. The abuse was mental and very physical. Because I’m a large man though no one would take me seriously. It was always my fault, always me to blame. The preconceived general thought is that men are tough and can handle it. If not then I’m made to feel emasculated and told I’m a pussy. The truth is I just don’t believe in harming people I care about. I’m ranting now because I still can’t really talk about it to anyone. It’s a sad and shitty double standard. No one should have to deal with abuse.”

chronolock


25. Part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

“That part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

We hear talk all the time about the gender earnings gap, women’s right to bodily autonomy (via abortions and access to birth control), and other women’s issues, and those are all important things to discuss.

What we don’t hear as often is the fact that 84% of the homeless are men, 92% of workplace fatalities happen to men, 91% of people in prison are men, etc.

We talk about the subtle forms of discrimination in society that result in women choosing to pursue careers which don’t compensate them financially the same way that careers popular with men do—but we never talk about the subtle forms of discrimination that cause men to ruin their lives at a rate nearly an order of magnitude higher than women.”

pWheff


26. When a woman is raped it’s a tragedy; when a man is raped it’s a joke.

“When a woman is raped it’s a tragedy; when a man is raped it’s a joke. When a woman falsely reports a rape, it ruins the man’s life, she gets off scot-free or a tiny jail term.”

TearsInRainUK


27. Men who take selfies are much more likely to be accused of narcissism.

“I have to say that the standard of what is acceptable on social media. If a female Instagram profile is full of 400 attractive selfies, people are not as critical of the narcissistic side of the pictures as much as they would if it were a guy. Not that I would want to post 400 selfies, but constantly posting pictures of yourself in specific poses isn’t a form of modeling or self-love as much as it is an expression of narcissism.”

karateperry


28. There’s no demand for ‘plus size’ male models.

“How we apparently need plus sized models to represent all women’s body types, but the thought of having male models with beer bellies and no rippling muscles/6 packs is disgusting.”

Loco_Boy


29. Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men.

“Women who can’t pay child support go to special homes. Men who can’t pay child support go to prison.

Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men, such as murder, rape, theft, or simple misdemeanors. Sometimes they aren’t punished at all

If a drunk male and a drunk female have sex, the female could charge for rape since she could not consent even though both parties voluntarily intoxicated themselves. This isn’t a common problem but it happens more than it needs to

Female requirements for the military, police, and fire responders are easier. During basic training in the army I saw a dude carrying 2 rucksacks (google it) and a girl walking behind him with nothing on her back.

Male rape victims are ignored or taken less seriously

Sexual harassment in the workspace happens to men and to women, men are just less likely to report it since they’re taken less seriously.

There are female quotas for CEO jobs, which inadvertently puts more qualified men out of a job in the name of gender equality.

Men pay higher auto premiums.

Women in divorce courts are more likely to win custody.

Men who want to teach young children are weird creepy pedophiles.”

PKMNtrainerKing


30. It’s not OK to think a girl is too fat, but it’s OK for her to think guys are too short.

“It’s not OK to think a girl is too fat, but it’s OK for her to think guys are too short.”

OhNoesRain


31. If a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine.

“That if a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine. Fuck that. Guys are humans, not robots. They should be as expressive with their feelings as they want with whoever they want. I’d argue that trying to repress your own vulnerabilities is the real weakness.”

usethehorseluke


32. Women who make rape accusations are automatically believed, even if they’re lying.

“I fucking hate it that a woman can accuse a man of rape, and everyone’s on her side without a doubt, even if she’s lying. Flip it around, and the first thing the guy gets thrown in his face is probably something like ‘You’re supposed to enjoy it,’ or ‘You let a woman take control of you?’ That’s more scarring to the man than it is to the woman—at least people take the woman’s word for it.”

japflack


33. On a sinking ship, it’s ‘women and children first.’

“The biggest double standard to me is ‘saving the women and children first.’ Why does a man’s life suddenly have less value in these sorts of situations?”

Snoz722


34. Pro-choice? Men have absolutely no choice in the matter.

“If an unmarried couple becomes pregnant the woman has 100% of the choice to keep the baby or have an abortion. If the man wants the baby and the woman doesn’t the man is out of luck. If the man doesn’t want the baby and the woman does the man is on the hook for 18 years of child support. Controversial I know, but I’d like to hear thoughts.”

Aaroncre  TC mark