1. I just like, really wanna know what a blowjob feels like.
“I just like, really wanna know what a blowjob feels like.”
2. I just want a penis to put donuts on it.
“I just want a penis to put donuts on it.”
3. Peeing standing up.
“Peeing standing up. Or that you don’t have to even take your pants off.”
4. Not having periods.
“Not having periods. I could really do without that monthly hell.”
5. Not having to shave your legs.
“Not being expected or pressured to shave your legs.”
6. Being hairy as fuck.
“They get to be hairy as fuck and no one cares. Thanks for the Sasquatch genes, dad…”
7. Longer eyelashes.
“Men have longer eyelashes and they don’t even care.”
8. Opening jars.
“I can’t fucking open jars.”
9. No pockets—or even worse, fake pockets.
“I can’t tell you how disappointing it is, as a woman, to find a pair of pants that fit perfectly and make your ass look great and then realize it has no pockets. Or, even worse, fake pockets. It’s just cruel.”
10. Upper body strength.
“Upper body strength.”
11. You can wear the same outfit to work for two days straight.
“No one will ask or care if they wear the same outfit to work for two days straight.”
12. Having a dick.
“Having a dick. It just seems like so much fun to play with! Like, you could just whip it out in your room and start helicoptering it like Tails from Sonic but the other way around.”
13. No bouncing boobs.
“Men can run downstairs—or even just run—without the need of a small country’s worth of cloth, three days’ preparation, and a small winch truck to support the girls. There’s a reason women do the velociraptor arms over their chests when they run. Bouncing’s a bitch.”
14. They can travel alone without having to feel scared.
“That they can travel freely without constantly being on edge because ‘it’s dangerous for a single woman to travel alone.’”
15. Penis envy and no periods.
“Penis envy. Pee standing up?! Blow jobs?! Boxer shorts?! Pure envy. Clothes and hair are easy. Like primping takes a half hour, including shaving. My shower takes a half-hour if I shave. Finding flattering dresses, taming the mop of hair, it’s a process. And lastly, as someone participating in the redpool, thank the lord every day that you don’t bleed once a month. I cried at a commercial yesterday, I ate a whole box of Chips Ahoy and I have a heating pad on my stomach as we speak.”
16. Not having to be paranoid 24/7.
“This probably will sound dramatic to men, but I really envy that they (generally speaking of course) are probably overall less paranoid 24/7.
I truly can only speak for myself, but I think men would be shocked if they felt my fear just walking from my car to my house at night. I’m sure men are scared of things like that too, though, I’m not saying they have it easy.
Or how creepy it can be when a man ‘catcalls’ you in a very disrespectful way, and you wanna stand up for yourself or say something sarcastic back, but you just don’t know what his reaction would be.
Oh and not to mention, the fact that I (and lots of girls) have been getting hit on by older men since age 13/14. Very creepy and confusing feeling for a young girl who hasn’t even really flirted with boys their own age.
I know most men do not have bad intentions, but if by some chance they did? I’d probably have no real chance because I am small. No matter how strong I am, or how prepared I am, there’s 95% chance the man is physically stronger than me.”
17. Being able to state your opinions directly at work.
“In the work world (particularly in my field), being able to state your opinions and ask for things directly without having to agonize over how to do it exactly right so as to ensure you will be heard while not being considered shrill, difficult, or just crazy.”
18. The ability for men to make friends easier.
“I guess the ability for men to make friends easier. Women can be really judgmental and nasty. But usually when you’re a guy and you share similar interests you end up bro-ing it out. Whereas a women befriends someone half the time that friend is bashing them to other people. And honestly I love more guy things than girl things so I get along better with men.”
19. Guys look incredible with almost no prep work.
“I’m most envious of how guys can pop out of bed, spend 8 minutes or so in the bathroom and can be on their way to the car looking their best for the day. Guys look incredible with almost no prep work.”
20. They can just do handshakes and aren’t expected to hug everyone.
“That they can just do handshakes and aren’t expected to hug everyone.”
21. Not having a period.
“There’s pretty much only one thing; not having a period. I hate having to double check plans to make sure they don’t fall on the day I’m likely to start, I hate not knowing the exact day either it’s just guess work and a nasty surprise, I hate being unable to do anything for the day other than lying down doubled up with pain, I hate feeling gross, and I absolutely how it happens every frigging month. I would give so much to not have to suffer with this bullshit.
Also I hate the embarrassing stigma surrounding it. If I’m really in pain and feeling ill, I will never admit why to anyone, I’ll just say I don’t feel good.”
22. Climaxing so easily.
“1) strength 2) climaxing so easily 3 no periods 4) less likely to be abducted and or raped 5) faster metabolism & 6) i swear guys have longer eyelashes what the hell lol.”
23. Having a penis.
“Well, a penis! You can pee literally anywhere, in a bottle, on a tree. The world is your toilet. And I think I’d touch it constantly, in a non-lewd way. Just, huh. This is a rod on my body. I’d helicopter it always. Just whoa. This is a peen.”
24. Men don’t have an expiration date on their looks.
“It must be nice to not have an expiration date on your looks. no matter how well kept up a woman tries to be, she’s still disregarded after a certain age. It’s like you slowly turn invisible. Try harder to keep shit together? You end up Madonna and a laughingstock.”
25. The ability to grow a beard.
“That if you don’t like how your face looks, you can just grow some hair over it.”
26. It’s so easy for guys to orgasm.
“I’m sure this is a cliché answer, but…it seems so easy for guys to orgasm. The trade-off is supposedly that women’s orgasms are more intense—how do we really know? Are there scientific studies? There probably are—but sometimes it’s just really freakin’ frustrating when you want to get off but you can’t figure out what the heck will work.”
27. I want to be strong.
“I want to be strong. I’ve always been a tough girl, and it’s fucking soul-shattering that a guy who is smaller than me is stronger. So…I gave up strength for fucking boobs?! Fuck this.”
28. The ability to pee in a bottle in a moving vehicle in the dark.
“The ability to pee in a bottle.
In a moving vehicle.
In the dark.”
29. Avoiding the hassles of childbirth.
“Men can have biological children without having to carry them around constantly for nine months. And let’s not even speak about the actual birth giving. It’s something I don’t ever want to put myself through, even if children would be a miracle or whatever its unfair that I’d have to sacrifice so much for the child while the father wouldn’t.”
30. Being able to shake your dingle so it dangles around.
“I wish I could do something my SO does. Sometimes when he gets out of the shower he shakes so his dingle dangles around. It always makes me laugh so hard and so enviously at the same time.”