1. ‘Someone finally took an interest in me and made me feel beautiful, so I slept with him.’
“This happened with my last relationship. I was with an emotional (later physical) abuser. He made me think that I was completely insane, and so ugly and awful that no guy would ever want to be with me.
Someone finally took an interest in me and made me feel beautiful, so I slept with him. I didn’t particularly enjoy the experience, but it made me feel better about myself.
My ex found out and made my life a living hell afterwards until I finally left him. I found out he had cheated on me with no less than five women, most of which were coworkers.”
2. ‘I cheated on him to push him away.’
“I had serious depression and PTSD and instead of communicating to my boyfriend that I was scared and needed therapy, I cheated on him to push him away. He didn’t deserve it, definitely one of the good ones. I’m married now and I do believe everything happens for a reason, but I deeply regret hurting a super kind person.”
3. ‘I just wanted attention and I didn’t care who got hurt.’
“I was lonely. My BF and I used to work together so we spent the beginning of our relationship absolutely inseparable. Then I got promoted to another store and I didn’t see him as much. I started hanging out with another manager and one thing led to another. This coworker was also married. But I didn’t care. I like the attention. That’s all it was. My BF was wonderful and I was a horrible human. I just wanted attention and I didn’t care who got hurt.”
4. ‘He was emotionally abusive, constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough, telling me my body was gross.’
“He was emotionally abusive, constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough, telling me my body was gross, watched porn 24/7 (no problem with porn as long as it’s not chosen over me, real live sex), and every time I tried to break up with him he’d threaten to kill himself. He forced me into an engagement in exchange for ‘allowing’ me to join the military. Someone finally showed interest in me, showed me I was worthy of love, and I cheated. Broke up with ‘fiancé’ quickly after and never looked back. I’m now happily married to the guy I cheated on and could never imagine hurting him that way. It would kill me.
I’m married to the man I cheated with, not on. The abusive ex is out of the picture, even though I occasionally still have nightmares.”
5. ‘A lot of the time I didn’t feel wanted.’
“I was in a LDR for a long time and we didn’t really see each other that much. Once a year really. Because of that the sexual side of our relationship wasn’t that great. Both of us were too shy and timid to really do anything about it. And a lot of the time I didn’t feel wanted. So occasionally I would hook up with guys online, didn’t really think much of it.
Then last year I went back to school and met this really great guy who makes me feel wanted. He makes a move on me and I don’t stop him, and we don’t stop for a few months. I don’t really think anything of it, I knew I really liked this guy but I thought I loved my (ex) boyfriend more. But when he came down to visit, I saw him and realized that I didn’t really love him after all, not like I thought I did. So I broke it off.”
6. ‘I had already broken up with him in my mind.’
“I had already broken up with him in my mind. He was abusive and we lived together. I had lined up an apartment but wasn’t able to move in for another month. I craved affection and positive attention and met a nice guy at work. It all just kind of happened.”
7. ‘I was out drinking, someone started kissing me and I found that I couldn’t tell them no.’
“It was a one-night stand. I had very bad issues from past abuse that I hadn’t even begun to realize. I was out drinking, someone started kissing me and I found that I couldn’t tell them no. My mind said ‘all you’re good for is fucking people,’ so that’s what I did. I know that doesn’t make it right and I still hate myself for it.”
8. ‘I was called ugly, disgusting, and he would make me cover my face with objects while we fucked just so he didn’t have to look at me ‘
“I have a lot of remorse for this, even to this day, and there’s really no justifiable reason I made this decision. My current SO knows, I’m very open about this and I never plan on doing this again.
I was in an extremely abusive relationship where my SO degraded me and told me I wasn’t good enough. I was called ugly, disgusting, and he would make me cover my face with objects while we fucked just so he didn’t have to look at me. He’d watch porn during instead. He cheated on me and would say ‘you can’t blame me. You’re disgusting.’ It fucking shattered any self-esteem I had. It shattered my ability to have sex with the lights on. To this day, I can have flashbacks and break down while being intimate.
I had someone who was calling me gorgeous and who listened and touched me in a soft way rather than grabbing me and sticking blankets over my face. I had someone who kissed me rather than cringed at my face.
I had to stop halfway through, because the sheer amount of guilt I felt overcame me.
I did tell my ex I cheated. He didn’t believe me because I ‘was so ugly.’
We’re no longer together. It’s been years since that happened. Still hurts and still feel bad, though.”
9. ‘His repeated infidelity planted a tiny seed of resentment.’
“I am currently cheating on my husband and have been for about seven months. I love my husband; have loved him intensely and whole heartedly since I first met him. However, over the course of our 13-year relationship he has cheated on me multiple times, in different ways and depths of relationships outside our marriage. I have chosen to forgive him, each time for different reasons. Most recently, he had an affair with a woman at his job for almost a year and I caught him, and it tore us apart for many months. During that time, we started marriage counseling and decided to give it another chance, mostly for my daughter’s sake. During our time apart and in counseling, I came to realize that he is an amazing father, a great day to day partner to laugh with, grow with and be with forever. I love him with my whole heart despite his indiscretions.
Our sex life has predominately been bland; despite my very clear and consistent communication of how I would enjoy his contributions to our sex life more, he never seems to absorb it. 13 years of this day in and day out, coupled with his repeated infidelity planted a tiny seed of resentment, and this year while serving on a board of directors for a volunteer organization, I struck up a friendship with one of the other members of the board. He was the opposite of my husband; he was mostly quiet, socially aware, hyper intelligent, extremely thoughtful and caring of others while still able to have a sarcastic, witty and acerbic side. As we got to know each other, we ended up sharing the same outlooks on life as well as obscure tastes in music, film, books etc. Physically, I found him very attractive but intellect/personality wise he was a powerhouse. One night after a meeting I invited him to grab a bite to eat, and after a drink or two I blurted out that I was attracted to him and that I just needed to get it off my chest so I could continue the conversation. He looked truly shocked, and after taking a minute before responding, he admitted that it was reciprocated. What grew from there was a long, drawn-out process (mostly over text) of trying to figure out where to take it from there. Mostly, it was both of us acknowledging that we were in a good spot to try it out. We both had spouses that were incompatible with us sexually, and we both had families that we valued and loved our spouses very much, so there was no fear of one of us falling for the other and making it complicated—the primary relationship for each of us would always be paramount.
We met up a few times and made out (which was amazing) and then agreed to take it to the next level. I should admit honestly—I had been with a lot of guys before I met my husband but this is hands down, the best sex I have ever had—like on a different cosmic plane and it consistently blows my mind every. single. time.
It’s been 7 months of only being able to be together once every few months (our schedules are both insane) and it’s been bumpy trying to figure out the balance or ratio of communication/ friendship/ sex/ family but it’s totally worth it. He has turned out to be a valued friend, a phenomenal lay and just a really nice person to know. I love my husband, I love waking up with him every day and building our life together. I recognize that my husband will most likely cheat on me again at some point, and before I used to let it crush me. Now, I feel differently and I understand where his need comes from. At least now I can die knowing that I have experienced intense pleasure with someone that valued my efforts as much as I valued theirs. I know my affair will have to end at some point, it can’t logically go on forever. But for now, and hopefully for the foreseeable future it can continue. It helps me feel alive, it helps me feel like I’m attractive and intelligent and interesting again. I’m not just a mom or a wife. That is my logic. I truly cherish it, and I just hope every single day that it doesn’t destroy my entire life.”
10. ‘Our sexual chemistry wasn’t in tune. ‘
“Our sexual chemistry wasn’t in tune. He simply was NEVER in the mood. I tried so damn hard—gently giving tips, suggestions etc, but no dice. He just didn’t fuck me. I would buy nice lingerie which he chose, wear it with his response being ‘sexy’ and turning back to the computer. Eventually I met guys who wanted to have sex and I did. We broke up after I realized how much I could get away with. The only think I regret is not ending the relationship sooner.”
11. ‘He rejected all sexual contact and we were only together once a year, no kissing, no hugging.’
“I met my ex at 17…there were a ton of red flags that I chose to ignore. I found out that he had told all of his friends that I tricked him into having a baby and that now my body was disgusting. I watched him ignore the baby and listened to him tell me he didn’t love me or the baby and that I was an awful mother. He rejected all sexual contact and we were only together once a year, no kissing, no hugging. We had been sleeping in different beds for 18 months when a man who was already a part of my life came out and told me that he thought that I deserved to be loved and that my child did too and that he would do anything to protect us from hurt. I cheated. I have zero regrets. I actually felt desired, attractive and valued. He listened to what I said and loved my weirdness. My SO found out (turns out he had been hacking all of my stuff for a long time), became sexually aggressive, and assaulted me. The man who said he would be there for me was. He literally held my hand through one of the darkest times in my life. We’re married now and I finally know what love is.”
12. ‘We both slipped into depression and started drifting apart, and our bedroom became pretty dead.’
“My SO told me he’d been planning to propose a few months previously but changed his mind.
We both slipped into depression and started drifting apart, and our bedroom became pretty dead.
A married friend and I had recently realized how attracted we were to each other. Over the next few months that developed into a connection like no other I have ever felt. This turned into a three-month love affair.
It ended when his wife found a text he’d sent me and not deleted. I came clean to my SO. I lost everything, the married man did not.
Three years later I am still an emotional wreck who doesn’t believe will ever find love again. My ex is in a similar position (we tried to fix things but finally parted ways last month as we can’t seem to move forward together).
The married man and his wife are still together and fine.”
13. ‘I didn’t think he cared about me anymore. ‘
“I didn’t think he cared about me anymore. Things were different before I left for two weeks to Italy anyway. I didn’t think there would be any way for me to contact him, but when I found out a hotel we stayed at had working Internet I was super excited. The keyboard was different and took me forever to type out an email to him saying I missed him and a little about the trip, and he just replied ‘I don’t understand what you wrote’—no I miss you or I love you, just that short sentence. So bad judgment and being mad lead to me cheating…”
14. ‘No hugs. No kisses, no hand holding etc. I was starving.’
“16-year marriage. Every night I would beg him for sex, every night he would make some excuse not to. He would then masturbate to pornography, while I lay in our room trying to figure out why I wasn’t enough. Every 10-12 months he would give in and we would have sex. Other than these times there was no physical touching. No hugs. No kisses, no hand holding etc. I was starving.
After one confrontation, he told me to go find a boyfriend but warned me no one else would want me.
So, I did. It only happened once, but it taught me some really valuable lessons, and gave me the courage to leave this sexually, financially and physically abusive marriage.
It took two years, but I left. I am with a man now who touches me all the time, treats me well and makes me incredibly happy.
Should I have cheated? No. But one partner does not get to totally dictate the couples sex life. I was scared and hurt and broken.”
15. ‘My head went to a dark place and figured he was cheating on me or didn’t love me anymore.’
“I was in a long-distance relationship—he moved for his career, I was supposed to follow once I figured my shit out.
So I hadn’t seen him in 6 months, he rarely wanted to Skype or talk on the phone, he didn’t want to come back to visit me (only me visiting him, he hated the state), I’d always text him first, etc. So I started distancing myself from the relationship, as I felt that’s what he was doing. My head went to a dark place and figured he was cheating on me or didn’t love me anymore. Lack of communication, I guess. I also felt I was becoming a clingy GF and I never wanted to be that girl (even in a long distance).
So I met this guy, we hit it off right away, there was so much mental and physical chemistry. We’d communicate a lot, he always wanted to hang out but I told him no, as I was in a relationship. But I think I hadn’t heard from my BF in week at one point, even after texts sent. So I hung out with the other guy and we ended up hooking up.
Do I regret cheating? Yeah. I broke it off with the BF the next week out of guilt, I never told him. I should’ve ended it well before that point, considering I was falling out of love. I was young and naive. But we both agreed the long distance wasn’t working. Haven’t talked to him since, but I have a feeling he’s doing all right in life.”
16. ‘My SO had cheated on me multiple times, and one night I said ‘fk it’ and went out to get drunk with work mates.’
“My SO had cheated on me multiple times, and one night I said ‘fk it’ and went out to get drunk with work mates. I met a guy that I worked with that treated me like a princess, was attentive and all around sweet. We hit it off. It wasn’t intentional, it just happened. I remember thinking that it was a bad idea and then thought ‘you know what, I deserve happiness too. It’s not all about [my SO].’ I left my SO the next day. Best decision I ever made.”
17. ‘I’d had doubts about our relationship for a long time before we got married, and afterwards, they just grew stronger.’
“I started dating my high-school sweetheart when we were both 16.
We moved in together when we were 19, because that’s what you do when you’ve been in a relationship that long.
We got engaged when we were 20 because that’s what you do when you’ve been together for four years.
We got married at 21 because that’s what you do once you’re engaged for a while.
I’d had doubts about our relationship for a long time before we got married, and afterwards, they just grew stronger. ‘Why am I with this guy who is so different than me in every way—cleanliness, attitude toward finances, politics, acceptance of other cultures, ways of showing affection?’ But I told myself that he was probably the best fit for me, and hey, we already lived together, and our families liked each other, and whatever, too much effort to give up now.
Then I became best friends with my coworker. He complemented me in every way, and treated me so well. One night, I drunkenly texted him and admitted I had a crush on him, and he told me he had a crush on me, too.
We tried to stay friends because neither one of us wanted to ruin my marriage, and I still believed I was in love with my husband. It didn’t work. We flirted for months (occasionally telling ourselves we had to stop, and achieving that for a day or two). We fell in love and couldn’t stand to be apart from each other.
I told myself I was still in love with my husband, but I was also in love with my coworker. Eventually, my will power broke down and I slept with him.
After that, it didn’t take long for my marriage to fall apart. My husband moved 200 miles away for a job, which, of course, made my affair much easier to carry on. My husband and I kept drifting further and further apart, until I finally told him I wanted a divorce after less than six months of marriage.
I’ve never admitted to my ex-husband that I cheated on him, even though he assumes so. I’m actually married to the man I cheated with, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been before.
I’m don’t regret marrying my first husband, because it smashed a lot of my ideals on what a marriage entailed.
I don’t regret getting with my current husband, because I do feel we are very well matched and I love him much more than I ever loved my ex.
I do regret having cheated. I wish I had finished one relationship before starting another. I constantly think of the phrase ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ and it tears me apart because I know I’m capable of doing such an awful thing. But I simply remind myself that everyone fucks up sometimes, and people are capable of changing.”
18. ‘I wasn’t clear what our relationship boundaries were.’
“I wasn’t clear what our relationship boundaries were. He was adamant that we weren’t dating, but we still exchanged ‘I love yous’ and essentially lived together.
He was very new age, had talked about previous open relationships, and generally spoke in vague terms.
We were briefly long distance at the start of our relationship (so not many people knew we were together) and a friend kissed me. I panicked, called my SO and told him, and he responded nonchalantly. If anything, he was irritated and confused that I called him about it. I left the conversation with the impression that he was seeing other people and rather expected I was as well.
So I slept with the friend. And then later found out that my SO considered me his ‘monogamous primary partner,’ which makes me a cheater.
I felt shitty about it for a long time, but in the end, I learned from the experience and Paul was a shite anyway.”
19. ‘I was sad, I was angry, I was being emotionally and physically abused in my relationship.’
“I was sad, I was angry, I was being emotionally and physically abused in my relationship. I wanted comfort. I was in the middle of nowhere and couldn’t really escape. Definitely not my proudest moment, and even though my ex was an abusive bastard, I don’t think he deserved that. 10/10 would never cheat again. Even though there were reasons that some people might deem understandable, in my eyes I still cheated and it was wrong.”
20. ‘I was tired of being treated like crap but had low enough self-esteem to not get out of a bad relationship.’
“I was tired of being treated like crap but had low enough self-esteem to not get out of a bad relationship.
Five years of him cheating on me, us breaking up, only to start a relationship again. Eventually we got engaged, and from the beginning I had reservations about it/him but we were together for so long it almost felt like I had to because that’s what you do after years together.
Throughout the relationship different girls would contact me about how he was cheating on me, or his stories just wouldn’t add up. But being 19-25 and dumb I believed all the bullshit he spit out.
Eventually I realized my worth. Unfortunately, I wasn’t smart enough to break up with him before having sex with someone else. Maybe it was partly a revenge thing, I’m not sure.
Luckily I broke up with him soon after because I found out the niece his sister-in-law had a year before (while we were still dating) was actually his daughter…”
21. ‘Toward the last few months of our relationship where I started to realize how great I am and how awful he was.’
“I’m not ashamed. My ex-SO was so mean and manipulative. Dated him for 2 years. I was making more money in the household and paid for EVERYTHING. Dates, activities, bills, groceries. He never took me out or got me a birthday gift, shit even a Christmas gift. Time spent with him was awful. I don’t know why I stuck around, ‘love.’ He called me names, was emotionally abusive. It got to a point where I just started to sleep on the couch when he fell asleep to avoid him in any way because he would freak out if he knew I didn’t want to be near him. So toward the last few months of our relationship where I started to realize how great I am and how awful he was, someone else offered to take me out on a date. It was the best date I’ve ever been on. It was beautiful and the conversation flowed and he made me feel so good and I fell in love with that guy that night.
I had full intentions of leaving my SO a bit before this but he didn’t know yet, so that was cheating. I ended up dumping my SO the next week and have been dating the other guy ever since. Been almost two years.”
22. ‘I’d tried to break up with him 6 months before I cheated but he sent me pictures/videos of himself crying about how sorry he was.’
“Long-distance relationship for two years. I’d tried to break up with him 6 months before I cheated but he sent me pictures/videos of himself crying about how sorry he was and that my wanting to leave was destroying him. I’d spent several months being emotionally manipulated into participating in incestuous, lesbian fantasies and other things I don’t want to go into (I am female, he was a straight guy who loved pretending to be a lesbian). He told me I could tell him if I didn’t want to do these things. I told him. He would throw a tantrum, cry and scream about how I was disrespecting our love, which made me feel guilty so I just let him do what he wanted and was miserable. He was abusive, controlling, manipulative, wanted to know what I was doing every minute of the day and so on. He had certain pictures I was forced to take for him, also had my address so I was scared of leaving.
Four to five months after I failed to break up with him, I cheated. I’d met another guy online, also long distance. He was sweet, affectionate, and respected me. I told him soon after about the abusive guy. With his support I broke up with the abusive guy, it was messy and I went through a horrible time for months but in the end I blocked him and continued my relationship with the other guy. I’m engaged to the other guy now and we are happy together. Two years and going strong.”
23. ‘I realized just how unhappy I was.’
“My (ex) boyfriend and I were long distance for a majority of our relationship; we were together for about 8 months and 5 of those were long-distance and he knew I would be moving back into the area in the summer. In those 5 months, he cheated on me twice with two different girls. When I ever voiced my concern about them but didn’t know yet, he told I was tiring him out and that he didn’t have to go about his life making sure everything he did was okay by me. I was hurt, thought I was overreacting, and dropped the subject.
Two weeks before I moved back, he told me about the girls and how he didn’t want me to hate him and how he was the worst. I was angry, sad, cried for a week, and then I just felt numb. He kept asking me to give him another chance and that he knew he’d hurt me, but he couldn’t help himself, that that was just the way he operated and he needed someone who was actually there. He also knew my previous ex before him left me for that exact same reason. I told him I forgave him (not sure if I ever did), but that when I was back, he’d have to start all over again. He ended up acting as if everything was normal and I got sucked into it; we had sex the very first night I was home. When I came back, he seemed to care less about me as a person and more about the fact he had someone he could fuck. I always felt like crying after every time we had sex and he didn’t ever seem to care.
I ended up getting close to one of his friends. At first it was simply to complain to someone who knew my boyfriend about the relationship troubles I was having, how I felt like he didn’t care, stuff like that, but my mentality at the time was that things weren’t that bad, that he was happy, and I wasn’t miserable. It eventually became that his friend was my only emotional support I had in this relationship and I realized just how unhappy I was. I tried to break up with my boyfriend but I didn’t try hard enough. I caved when he offered a break instead and that he’d try harder.
I ended up sleeping with his friend two days later because we went on a date and he actually cared. I didn’t feel miserable, I knew he liked me, and it was exciting. I knew it was something I shouldn’t do and it heightened my senses. I never thought about how it would hurt my boyfriend and I deeply regret having done it now, but I also know now that I should’ve taken charge and broken up with him.
That friend, however, is now my boyfriend and we’ve been going strong for over a year. I will never be able to justify cheating on my ex-boyfriend but I can safely say I’ve never been happier and that I would never dream of cheating ever again. He’s given me so much emotional support and more. He helped me when I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and didn’t even know it. And for that, I love him deeply.”
24. ‘I was constantly being accused of cheating, and constantly defending myself and trying to prove my fidelity.’
“I cheated in an LTR once. I was constantly being accused of it, and constantly defending myself and trying to prove my fidelity. When the chance came to cheat, I thought, ‘Well, I’m being punished for nothing. Might as well do something to deserve it.’ Later on, I found out he had been cheating on me, which was one reason that led to our breakup. It was a fucked-up relationship all around.”
25. ‘His inability to trust ANYONE resulted in constant fighting.’
“I was in a long-distance relationship with a boy from my hometown for almost two years. We were together for about 6 non-consecutive months of those (almost) two years. From start to finish of our relationship he’d always had trust issues from previous cheaters. I’d never cheated before and I had most certainly never given him a reason to not trust me in any of the time we were together. Sure the majority of my friends at the time were males, but sometimes it’s harder to get along with girls in high school. (He had dropped out of high school and was three years older than me.) I assured him he never had to worry about any such thing, but this mixed with his inability to trust ANYONE resulted in constant fighting. I was constantly trying. So. Hard.
To make him feel at ease over text messages, phone calls, and FaceTime throughout our entire relationship. I couldn’t hang out with any of my friends, I couldn’t go to any kind of party or even hang out with my family without him needing to be talking to me 24/7. At one point, I went to vacation with family across the country in D.C. and one of my very favorite rappers was in town. My cousin and I made plans to go. I was so excited BC I had never seen a rap concert, especially someone so well known. We saw The Game. When I told him he immediately was upset and wanted me not to go. I cried because I could not understand how all this time when I had been trying to be the best girlfriend I could for him, he still didn’t trust me to go out this one time for my birthday WITH FAMILY. And even when I tried to explain how badly I wanted to. Anyways I ended up going BC fuck all that. I’m the drive home he actually wanted me to send him a photo of the car I was in with my cousin to make sure no boys were with me. It was this kind of BS every time I went out.
Fast-forward five months and I’m a junior in high school, horny as can be you know with all the raging hormones a teenager has. And I’m absolutely. Fed. Up. With the constant manipulative and controlling behavior of every moment of my high school years. These are supposed to be the best times of my life. How could I enjoy them when I can’t even do something as simple as attend a party without having my phone blow up with an angry boyfriend? I’m pissed and I said fuck it. I fucked another guy who had been flirting with me. I think the main reason I cheated was because I was. Really. Really. Horny and I hadn’t had sex in a while, with the ld and all, but I sort of didn’t give a shit about doing it bc of how frustrated I was. My strongest efforts were always being shot down and never appreciated. I was angry. I told him and, of course he flipped but stayed with me ? Two months later I went to a party the night before Valentine’s. Shit is blown out of proportion as I’m leaving the party to my uncle’s house for the night. He is blowing my phone again and again I’m trying to reassure him. He calls, I’m bawling my eyes out, and I say something along the lines of, ‘I’m trying to live out my youth, why is this such a problem?’ He says ‘Fine, go out find yourself but do it single.’ I’ve absolutely had it. I’m not even hurt that we’re over after all we’ve been through anymore. I tell em all right. Good bye. We’re done. The texts and calls keep coming, not surprised. He calls me the next morning, crying, trying to reconcile. I’m having none of it. A few more days of trying to get him off of my case and he’s talking about suicide. He begins harassing me and I have no fucks to be given about him or us at this point. Sorry for the essay and rambling. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone the extent of all this which, I wish I still could. The question has been answered more than enough.
TLDR: long distance bf never trusted me for the two-year duration of ‘us.’ I was fed up and horny so I fucked another guy.”
26. ‘I tried to break up with him multiple times, and he would make me stay by saying he would kill himself if I left.’
“I was 17. My boyfriend was 19 and 20 hours away at tech school for the Air Force. I realized while he was gone that he was an abusive piece of shit. I tried to break up with him multiple times, and he would make me stay by saying he would kill himself if I left. I had a crush on some kid in my grade so I made out with him at a party, and told my boyfriend the next day. He didn’t want to stay with me after that. I was very glad that worked.”
27. ‘I knew I was holding onto something dead and gone. So I let it go.’
“When you try so hard and things still just keep falling apart. My SO and I were engaged when he developed a really serious gambling problem that was beginning to sink us into a world of debt, he lost his job and took high-interest loans to gamble some more, he withdrew and became really depressed and hopeless, but also bitter and spiteful. I tried to stay by his side, I was supportive and patient, but I slowly lost it watching someone I’ve loved for 4.5 years just morph into something completely different who seemed to find me annoying for breathing. I’m sure it was the result of his guilt. I began to tell him I’d have to leave if this didn’t stop, I didn’t want to give an ultimatum but I got accepted into a school and would need to move to study there, there was no way if he continued his addiction it’d be possible for us to do this together…still I hoped and asked him to look up jobs there, or a place to study himself, but he had no interest. I was pretty heartbroken knowing I’d have to move alone, and he just didn’t seem to care. I went to visit my friend in the city who was hosting a party, he had a friend there that he went to school with who I previously thought was an annoying elitist hipster (also thought he was gay). I was a bit drunk at the time when we were left alone on the balcony smoking, so I jokingly hip bumped him and asked him ‘how you doin’) in a dumbass voice.. idk why but somehow that really sparked his interest, and quickly revealed to me he was ‘very’ straight. I was jokingly flirting/mainly being a dumbass and diffusing awkwardness with that move, still we ended up together that night. Woke up beside him to intense morning cuddles and the most pleasant morning of coffee, conversation, and sandwiches. I also glanced over the contents of his apt (decorations, books, gaming rig, consoles etc) which revealed a person I had really misjudged. I broke it off with my fiancé immediately after. Fast forward, this balcony dude is now snoring alongside me as I type, we ended up falling crazy in love and now live together. My ex, he was really jacked up for a time, but we’ve stayed on good terms and he has benefited from his freedom and exploration to a degree. We are really good friends and frequently talk/game together. Cheating wasn’t and really isn’t ok…it’s sad, hurtful, and selfish, and I wonder how one can trust me after knowing this is something I’ve done…then again we are human, we aren’t perfect, we fuck up, but we need to own up to it and do our best to patch up the wounds we create. It was a slap in my face at the time to see that it’d gone that far for me, to just cheat like that, it’s how I knew I was holding onto something dead and gone. So I let it go.”