22. ‘She wanted a break. She told me she blew one of my close friends a few weeks before we went on break.’
“She wanted a break. She told me she blew one of my close friends a few weeks before we went on break. I hung out with them that day. I sat where it happened. Her best friend had feelings for me, I had repressed feelings for her for a few years. We hooked up, we started dating. It was lit. ‘On break’ girl found out from someone else and sent me a text the size of a fucking senior paper about why I’m an asshole.
If ‘on break’ means I can see other people, then totally fair, she blew up in a manner of exquisite hypocrisy. If not, I wasn’t the first to ‘cheat,’ and at least I didn’t do it while there was active dating going on.
All her friends I met during the course of the relationship pretty much decided I was a better friend than her. Everything went better than expected.”
23. ‘Food became more important to her than me or our family.’
“Met my girl when we were in high school. We’re from a small town in the south; typical redneck/married by 18 deal. We both wanted to get out. We dated all through high school, then went to the same state school for college. Our graduating class was around 200 (see: small town); maybe 20 went to college. Maybe.
We dated all through college, I was an engineering major, she was social work/pre law. I pop the question a week before graduation. She says yes, we cry, have a shoestring wedding in August. I get a job near where her law school is.
All is well up until this point. When we met, she was a curvy girl. I’m a typical southern dude, and I like a healthy lady who knows how to eat. She starts law school and starts getting stressed out all the time. She eats more. Ok, no problem. I’m gaining weight from my office job (free snacks are my shit). We both agree we could work out more, so we start going on walks, bike rides, etc. It’s awesome, and it gives us more energy.
Her last year of law school is 2008. (Y’all can see where this is going.) My job isn’t as impacted thank the good lord. But there are no legal jobs. None. After graduation, she’s stuck at home all day looking for work. And when she’s home, she eats and starts gaining more weight. Finally, FINALLY, 9 months after graduation, she finds something; it will even let her use her undergrad work in social work (to some extent).
And…she hates her job. It’s not her fault, they pay her absolute shit because they can (I’m talking barely over the minimum wage for a student who graduated top of her class at a top 50 law school). Her coworkers are horrible. Horrible as in, lose important court documents and then shred the evidence to make them look less incompetent (this happened on a regular basis). She feels she can’t quit (see: 2009 now, and still no legal jobs). So she reacts by eating more. She’s fucking miserable all the time, and has done a complete 180 from the sweet, optimistic, loving girl I knew in college.
At this point, she’s around 5’3, pushing 200. I’m not a small guy either (about 6’0, 250 at this point). We stopped having sex more than once a month or so. She says she feels gross and ugly. I tell her she’s still beautiful to me, and she is.
Well, by some miracle, she gets pregnant towards the end of 2009. I’m excited/scared to be a first time dad at age 27. It seems like I’m getting my old happy girl back. She gains a lot of weight during the pregnancy, but that’s to be expected, right?
We have our son in August of 2010, a week after our anniversary. It’s the best fucking anniversary gift anyone’s ever gotten me. She stays home with him for four months and it’s amazing. She’s happy, son is happy, I’m happy. She goes back to work in January of 2011 and immediately the happiness level drops. She starts overeating again. She comes home late and doesn’t want to do anything besides stare at the TV for a few hours then sleep. I ask her—BEG her actually—to not go back to a place that makes her miserable. The four months off were unpaid, and I can easily support us with my salary. She refuses, says she’s doing important work. OK, I respect that. We stop having sex.
At this point it’s like I’m living with an unhappy roommate. We’re only together for our son’s sake. She’s miserable and I can’t do anything to cheer her up, which tears me up inside. I tried everything: suggesting counseling, prayer, hiring babysitters so she’s not tied to son all the time. Nothing works, and I feel like shit. Meanwhile, she’s gaining more weight. She’s so big now she can’t get down on the floor to play with our son. Food becomes more important to her than me or our family.
Oldest story in the world. I start looking online. At first, I tell myself it’s ‘Just to see what everyone’s talking about.’ And then it’s ‘Not fair that I missed out on the online dating era.’ And then I meet someone. I was only around 28 at this point. I wasn’t prepared to go the rest of my life without sex.
So, yes, I cheated. Long story short, she found out, we got a divorce and share custody of my son 50/50. My now ex seems to be doing much better now, she’s had the surgery and now has a job she likes.”
