1. ‘I was 17 and there was a girl naked on a bed that said ‘come fuck me.’ So I did.’
“I was 17 and there was a girl naked on a bed that said ‘come fuck me.’ So I did. Wasn’t right, but wasn’t thinking, either.
I was house sitting for a family friend and I had a friend over and we were having some beers. He had been talking to his GF while we watched TV. His GF told him ‘Jane’ wanted to hang out with me (she had a crush). I had known her for a while, same school. I thought his GF was cool. The two girls came over. My friend then told me that he and his GF might scram. My GF is out of town. I’m a virgin who had been drinking with alone with another girl. This doesn’t look good. He hands me a condom and says ‘ya might need this.’
This is how I know I’m not thinking. My GF goes to the same school too. We all did. I graduated with 85 people, no way 4 of those 85 people know I lose my virginity to not my GF and the whole school doesn’t hear about it within the week. But I still just say whatever, not thinking anything will happened. He insisted by saying ‘just in case.’
After they left…she goes to the ‘bathroom’ but went to the bedroom. She called me in there and she was not completely naked but had a bra and some panties that made it look like she intended to try to get some. She did say ‘come fuck me’ or something close to that…and that’s kinda where I just ripped off my clothes.”
2. ‘I wanted to feel like garbage and sleeping with people who didn’t care about me did that.’
“I was in bad shape in terms of mental health and I went through bouts of wanting to self-destruct. Basically, I wanted to feel like garbage and sleeping with people who didn’t care about me did that. I did a lot of other self-destructive things as well. You know how they say, ‘I should have been on the back of your mind’ or some crap like that? The truth is, I wasn’t thinking about my SO at all when I did those things, even though I loved them deeply. I just wanted to kill myself without killing myself.”
3. ‘She was cold, distant, and a bit of a bitch.’
“I was with a woman who should have been ‘right’ for me. But she was cold, distant, and a bit of a bitch. She was smart, witty, well-liked and highly thought of by colleagues and friends; but, behind closed doors, she was the opposite. I tried to change her, I even tried changing myself. She had ‘accidentally’ cheated on me earlier in our relationship, and when I met someone who was nice to me and made me feel good about myself…well, I went for it. Cheated on my SO. But, to be fair, I dumped her immediately afterward.”
4. ‘I would flirt and sell myself to other desperate, lonely people.’
“We had very poor communication and were both very insecure (wife and I).
She assumed I was cheating when I wasn’t, facilitated a threesome to control the insecurity and then we flip-flopped for years between open and not, all the while our sex life which had been daily when we were dating dropped to a dead bedroom.
I talked, I begged, I volunteered to do counseling (she would never do mutual counseling) and I did without. I gave up passwords and stopped seeing friends. I went to a couple Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. And I did without. Month in and month out. and we would cycle over the years. Cheat, get caught, make amends, be happy, dead bedroom, cheat. And the problems were always my fault. My timing, my not understanding her meds, or her aches, or her bad days.
I got selfish. I got desperate. I would flirt and sell myself to other desperate, lonely people. Park sex, car sex, elevator machinery closet, bathrooms. Anything to just feel desired. It’s fucked-up.”
5. ‘I had a chance to have sex with a 21-year-old Swedish model.’
“I had a chance to have sex with a 21-year-old Swedish model who was also a really close friend and I thought I’d regret it forever if I didn’t go for it. I broke up with my girlfriend a week later, carried on having sex with the Swede for a couple of months until she went home to Sweden.
6. ‘It was sheer passion. I had been stuck in a dead relationship for far too long.’
“It was sheer passion. I had been stuck in a dead relationship for far too long. I thought I was at fault, tried to change myself, ended up spending an entire year doing things I didn’t want to do. When it became clear that I would not get anything (not even thanks) in return, I knew I would leave that year. I never told my SO because we just didn’t talk. At all. Around the same time I met someone who DID pay attention to me, who did talk to me. When we first kissed, it was fire! I left my SO a month later. It was messy. I mourned the failure of that relationship for a year. But I ended up building something new with the person I cheated with, and many years down the road, we are now happily married!”
7. ‘I cheated because there was someone I found attractive who wanted me and I was horny.’
“I’ve cheated a few times in my long and storied career as a monogamous relations specialist, and although one time I was intoxicated and another time I was mad and yet another time I was in a long-distance relationship, I can honestly say that ‘logic’ never has anything to do with it. I didn’t cheat because I was mad, or because I was drunk or because I had fallen out of love. I cheated because there was someone I found attractive who wanted me and I was horny and as a result my brain put everything else in a little box I had no access to. That’s it, and honestly I think that’s the only thing approaching a viable excuse for cheating. If it’s not working out, break up. if you’re sexually unsatisfied, break up. if you’re mad enough to cheat, break up. if your SO cheated on you, break up. if you’re being abused, break up. There is no excuse for it at that point.”
8. ‘I wanted to fuck every decent-looking girl I met.’
“I shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place as I wanted to fuck every decent-looking girl I met. And if they were up for it, then we went at it. I’m done with all that now.”
9. ‘We had been slowly falling out of love and turning into roommates that occasionally rubbed privates together.’
“We had been slowly falling out of love and turning into roommates that occasionally rubbed privates together. There was a lot of talk about spicing it up in the bedroom but by her own admission, she’s pretty vanilla and didn’t want to wrap her head around the idea of other positions besides missionary and her being on top. I had been training a very attractive and smart woman at work who noticed I was having a hard time one day and I spilled everything out to her at lunch. A few more weeks of shameless flirting between the both of us culminated in an incredible night in a hotel room that currently holds the top preferred customer spot in my spank bank. It felt awful imagining my girlfriend’s face but at that point the path ahead was crystal clear, we broke up the next day and I never told her what happened. The coworker and I continued to date off and on for two years. We never could make a relationship work but fell back on the sex. That whole time was full of lessons I’m still learning.”
10. ‘My GF at the time was really busy and couldn’t be there for me the way I wished.’
“I was in a serious car accident. My GF at the time was really busy and couldn’t be there for me the way I wished. But my ex was. One thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with my ex. Worst decision of my life.”
11. ‘She was constantly accusing me of cheating after I caught her cheating.’
“The reason was because she was constantly accusing me of cheating after I caught her cheating and speaking with her ex behind my back. She would steal my belongings and if I broke up with her she would use that against me to force me to talk to her and eventually get back together because sex…
Just ended a month ago when she caught me on a date with another girl and hit me with her car. So it was kinda worth it. Though my custom made ironwood bear, watch, and ps4 are gone now :(”
12. ‘I was drunk and didn’t stop the advances of another girl.’
“I was drunk and didn’t stop the advances of another girl. I had never been so happy than in my prior relationship. Never felt so loved and loved someone so much. I gave up everything in a split second….”
13. ‘Thinking with my dick.’
“Thinking with my dick. Feels good in the moment then regrets later. Why would I risk so much for such a stupid fleeting feeling? I love my SO. This is way back in my past and I’ve learned a lot and wised up.”
14. ‘Honestly, undiagnosed borderline personality disorder.’
“Honestly, undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. My brain was fucked up, whole bunch of emotions I didn’t understand and a lack of impulse control. What I did was still my fault, I’m not denying that. But after I was diagnosed I went through a lot of self-help therapy books, saw a counselor…and the urge to cheat has never come up in the past 3 years with my current SO.
Mental illness is a bitch. It can influence you to do things that you never thought you would do. Those things are still your actions and your responsibility. But it’s like your brain holding a gun to your head and telling you to do something. And if you don’t have the right coping skills, you don’t know how to say no to your brain.”
15. ‘She was pushing me away slowly while also removing any sexual aspect of our relationship.’
“I cheated on my ex after she became too clingy one summer. We’d just finished our freshman year of college and moved back to our hometown for the 3-month break. She refused to get a summer job, and conveniently decided to ruin every single one of her friendships in our hometown. So, she was left with me and only me to entertain her and fill her time.
A typical day for me that summer looked like this:
Wake up to a text from GF ‘Hey babe good morning I miss you.’ Then I’d go to work and text with GF all day. ‘Ugh I’m so bored when are you off work?’ She’d say. Get off work, go to GF’s house, watch TV with GF til about 11pm. Go home, get text from GF ‘Hey let’s Skype!’ Skype with GF til about 1am, say goodnight. Repeat.
Sometimes she’d even make me call her from my car when I’d leave her house.
I couldn’t do it anymore. She literally wanted constant contact with me during every hour I wasn’t sleeping. Sleep was actually the only reprieve I had from her. She bitched all the time about how bored she was and about how all her friends were assholes and how terrible her summer was going. In my mind, I was thinking ‘well you did this to yourself, you ruined your summer get over it.’
Around this time, my GF also started withholding sex from me. She said she wanted to slow things down, so all we did was make out. I constantly had blue balls and started watching porn WAY more often to remedy the situation. It was a perfect storm. I couldn’t stand to be around her anymore, but I loved her and didn’t know what to do.
A new girl had started at the place I was working that summer. She and I hit it off and we connected on how dissatisfied we were with our current relationships. One thing led to another and we hooked up in the walk in freezer of the restaurant we worked at.
I regret cheating on my ex, for sure. But the reason I did it is because she was pushing me away slowly while also removing any sexual aspect of our relationship.
I should have just ended it and THEN hooked up with the girl from work, but you know…I was 20 and stupid. And horny. And my balls hurt.”
16. ‘I just couldn’t help myself and then justified any guilt by saying she would be more hurt if she found out.’
“I just couldn’t help myself and then justified any guilt by saying ‘she would be more hurt if she found out.’ I think the constant wanting to be out of the relationship but still liking her and being scared to be without her made it easier for me to do what I did rather than break up with her and then sleeping with the girl.
Anyone reading this thinking of cheating, don’t. Just don’t, you will destroy that person. I’m still paying for what I did, going to therapy, on meds for anxiety. But that is nothing to what must be going through her head after being betrayed by the one person she loved and thought she could trust. I have cut contact, she was ready to forgive me but I couldn’t. I couldn’t trust myself right now to not take her for granted, I need to grow up first.
Anyone who has cheated but hasn’t told them, tell them. Please. Sure you might think it is better they don’t know but it will come out eventually, the guilt will be too much, i promise you. And then they are faced with the decision of staying with someone who has lied to them for the past however long, and how many other lies have been hidden? Just tell them.”
17. ‘She didn’t care at all about my concerns. I just gave up and started cheating on her.’
“I had given up on the relationship. We had been together about 2.5 years. Moved 14 hours away together, got 2 dogs together. Rented a house together. But I felt that she had stopped contributing to and participating in the relationship. Wouldn’t hold up any flash cards for me while study for my law school exams. Wouldn’t bring me my laptop power cable that I left at home and needed for class because it was her day off. Wouldn’t take time out of her holidays with her family to go say hi to mine. Wouldn’t help take the dogs to the dog park. Stopped taking care of herself. Stopped writing her own checks for bills, so I would write them, and then she we would argue about her signing them. I was in the process of buying a house for us, signed a contract, put my money down and everything, but she was moving her sister in with us against my objections, and I didn’t have a say in how much my ex or her sister would pay in rent. They wanted to pay more to board and feeding and riding horses than they were willing to contribute in rent. Didn’t care at all about my concerns. I just gave up and started cheating on her.”
18. ‘I was in a terrible relationship where we didn’t get along at all.’
“I was in a terrible relationship where we didn’t get along at all. There were rumors that she was with another guy. I thought ‘fuck you’ and just started hitting it off with some other girl. We broke up just a few weeks later, but the relationship with the other girl lasted three times longer. I’d say it was worth it.”
19. ‘I was in a long-distance relationship for almost a year and it was very problematic.’
“I was in a long-distance relationship for almost a year and it was very problematic…I was about to move again abroad for work and she was also. We knew that it could not work out even though we tried very hard. One night I was getting drunk with one of my friends and I was talking to a girl at the bar and she was into me. I tried to avoid it at the beginning but then the drinks hit me and I said ‘what the hell, let’s go with it.’ She ended up blowing me that night and the next day I broke up with my girlfriend. Next thing I know, I am happy this happened.”
20. ‘I just wanted my ex out of my life but I should have been honest.’
“My ex and I were still living with one another. She wanted one last hurrah and wouldn’t leave it alone. I could have done a lot of things differently and I’m filled with regret, but that ruined the beginning of the best relationship I’ve ever had. It destroyed trust and it’s all my fault. Aside from other issues this was a big error but it has forced me to become better than who I was. I just wanted my ex out of my life but I should have been honest. Lying is a death sentence for relationships.”
21. ‘I met another girl around this same time who I fell in love with almost instantly.’
“My girlfriend and I had been dating for around 3 months when I just started falling out of love with her. The sex was still pretty good, we never fought or anything, I don’t have one specific reason for falling out of love but I did anyway.
Eventually we did have our first argument about something that made me realize that she kind of started taking me for granted. She still loved (still loves) me very much, but she began expecting me to solve all of her problems for her. Eventually started feeling more like a caretaker than a boyfriend because she wanted so much out of me. Not necessarily gold-digging, but when I brought up this issue she didn’t really seem to understand why it would bother me. Kind of was a red flag.
Anyway, I met another girl around this same time who I fell in love with almost instantly, everything about her is intoxicating. I never really believed in love at first sight (still don’t) but I imagine it’s pretty damn close to how I felt, if it’s real. Took me two or three days of talking to her, just platonic, before we started getting a lot closer and it turned into a mini relationship of sorts—no labels, but the communication/feelings/etc. was all there.
I broke up with my girlfriend, but I didn’t tell her that this was the reason why because she was still very much into me and I didn’t want to hurt her more than I had to.
I know it was definitely a dick move but at the time it seemed like the best and easiest way to handle it. I don’t regret it.”
22. ‘She wanted a break. She told me she blew one of my close friends a few weeks before we went on break.’
“She wanted a break. She told me she blew one of my close friends a few weeks before we went on break. I hung out with them that day. I sat where it happened. Her best friend had feelings for me, I had repressed feelings for her for a few years. We hooked up, we started dating. It was lit. ‘On break’ girl found out from someone else and sent me a text the size of a fucking senior paper about why I’m an asshole.
If ‘on break’ means I can see other people, then totally fair, she blew up in a manner of exquisite hypocrisy. If not, I wasn’t the first to ‘cheat,’ and at least I didn’t do it while there was active dating going on.
All her friends I met during the course of the relationship pretty much decided I was a better friend than her. Everything went better than expected.”
23. ‘Food became more important to her than me or our family.’
“Met my girl when we were in high school. We’re from a small town in the south; typical redneck/married by 18 deal. We both wanted to get out. We dated all through high school, then went to the same state school for college. Our graduating class was around 200 (see: small town); maybe 20 went to college. Maybe.
We dated all through college, I was an engineering major, she was social work/pre law. I pop the question a week before graduation. She says yes, we cry, have a shoestring wedding in August. I get a job near where her law school is.
All is well up until this point. When we met, she was a curvy girl. I’m a typical southern dude, and I like a healthy lady who knows how to eat. She starts law school and starts getting stressed out all the time. She eats more. Ok, no problem. I’m gaining weight from my office job (free snacks are my shit). We both agree we could work out more, so we start going on walks, bike rides, etc. It’s awesome, and it gives us more energy.
Her last year of law school is 2008. (Y’all can see where this is going.) My job isn’t as impacted thank the good lord. But there are no legal jobs. None. After graduation, she’s stuck at home all day looking for work. And when she’s home, she eats and starts gaining more weight. Finally, FINALLY, 9 months after graduation, she finds something; it will even let her use her undergrad work in social work (to some extent).
And…she hates her job. It’s not her fault, they pay her absolute shit because they can (I’m talking barely over the minimum wage for a student who graduated top of her class at a top 50 law school). Her coworkers are horrible. Horrible as in, lose important court documents and then shred the evidence to make them look less incompetent (this happened on a regular basis). She feels she can’t quit (see: 2009 now, and still no legal jobs). So she reacts by eating more. She’s fucking miserable all the time, and has done a complete 180 from the sweet, optimistic, loving girl I knew in college.
At this point, she’s around 5’3, pushing 200. I’m not a small guy either (about 6’0, 250 at this point). We stopped having sex more than once a month or so. She says she feels gross and ugly. I tell her she’s still beautiful to me, and she is.
Well, by some miracle, she gets pregnant towards the end of 2009. I’m excited/scared to be a first time dad at age 27. It seems like I’m getting my old happy girl back. She gains a lot of weight during the pregnancy, but that’s to be expected, right?
We have our son in August of 2010, a week after our anniversary. It’s the best fucking anniversary gift anyone’s ever gotten me. She stays home with him for four months and it’s amazing. She’s happy, son is happy, I’m happy. She goes back to work in January of 2011 and immediately the happiness level drops. She starts overeating again. She comes home late and doesn’t want to do anything besides stare at the TV for a few hours then sleep. I ask her—BEG her actually—to not go back to a place that makes her miserable. The four months off were unpaid, and I can easily support us with my salary. She refuses, says she’s doing important work. OK, I respect that. We stop having sex.
At this point it’s like I’m living with an unhappy roommate. We’re only together for our son’s sake. She’s miserable and I can’t do anything to cheer her up, which tears me up inside. I tried everything: suggesting counseling, prayer, hiring babysitters so she’s not tied to son all the time. Nothing works, and I feel like shit. Meanwhile, she’s gaining more weight. She’s so big now she can’t get down on the floor to play with our son. Food becomes more important to her than me or our family.
Oldest story in the world. I start looking online. At first, I tell myself it’s ‘Just to see what everyone’s talking about.’ And then it’s ‘Not fair that I missed out on the online dating era.’ And then I meet someone. I was only around 28 at this point. I wasn’t prepared to go the rest of my life without sex.
So, yes, I cheated. Long story short, she found out, we got a divorce and share custody of my son 50/50. My now ex seems to be doing much better now, she’s had the surgery and now has a job she likes.”
24. ‘I ended up cheating on my girlfriend one night after drinking as a result of some serious trust and self-confidence issues.’
“I was in an abusive relationship prior with a girl who cheated on me multiple times then left me for my best friend, I got in a new relationship and ended up cheating on my girlfriend one night after drinking as a result of some serious trust and self-confidence issues, plus my new girlfriend and I had been fighting, this all happened right around the manifestation of some serious mental health issues and it was a very bad, lonely time. I’m not advocating cheating at all though, because I know firsthand how much it can hurt and mess someone up, but when it happens it almost always isn’t as clear-cut as someone being selfish and/or simply wanting to hurt their SO, just my perspective.”
25. ‘She just doesn’t care to have sex and I’m supposed to just ‘be okay’ with not getting any.’
“It all boils down to sex.
Went from probably 6-7 times a month…to maybe 1 a month. Has gotten as bad a 1 time in 3 months. Sadly this is occurring more frequently.
Every time I leave town I’m looking for a one-night stand. It’s a wham bam, thank you ma’am with no strings. Both of us have fun, and my needs are somewhat satisfied.
My SO has ZERO sex drive. Takes almost all of the incentive to stay in the marriage anyway. I love her, but it’s utter bullshit and unfortunately will likely result in a divorce. We’ve had frank discussions about the lack of sex, but the root issue never gets fixed. She just doesn’t care to have sex and I’m supposed to just ‘be okay’ with not getting any. I can’t even think of the last time we got freaky and did something besides missionary.”
26. ‘After 9 months of being treated like a cheater every time I was an hour late home from work or meeting friends I was drunk on a trip and cheated.’
“A couple of exes ago, madly in love with her and even moved country to be with her. We were in an open relationship before we moved in together, and then I was completely faithful once we lived in the same place. It was only then she became wildly jealous. After 9 months of being treated like a cheater every time I was an hour late home from work or meeting friends I was drunk on a trip and cheated. I felt bad, but I was getting pretty resentful of our day-to-day living, so not too bad. She found out. We lasted 6 more messed up months until we ended it. She is an amazing woman, but turns out we were very different people who could not live together.”
27. ‘I was 18 and was suspicious of her cheating on me. Did it as revenge.’
“I was 18 and was suspicious of her cheating on me. Did it as revenge. Found out a few months later that my suspicions were true. I’m not trying to justify it, but I wasn’t wrong in my suspicions.”