September 17, 2016

50 Dumb Jokes That Are So Bad, They’re Almost Good (Almost)

Report This Article
What is the issue?
@sangriel / Twenty20.com
@sangriel / Twenty20.com
Found on AskReddit.

1.

What do you say when you don’t want to go to yoga?
Namaste at home.

OneGiantNinja


2.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey.

bennyboy82


3.

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

pm_me_anythingg_sfw


4.

Why did the old lady fall into the well?
She didn’t see that well.

AlbinoWitchHunter


5.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.

Doritodinkle


6.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?
Because D shells are too big.

sauerpatchkid


7.

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?
If they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.

Scrappy_Larue


8.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.

Daedex


9.

So a German man is traveling across Europe. Eventually, after a few weeks abroad, he arrives at the Polish border.
The border guard begins to question him:
“Name?”
“Hans Schmidt.”
“Place of birth?”
“Munich.”
“Occupation?”
“Nein, just visiting.”

Kell_of_Stone


10.

Who’s bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?
Mr. Bigger’s baby, because he’s just a little Bigger.

RubyStorm


11.

A man is walking down the street next to a giant wall. On the other side of the wall is an insane asylum. He hears the lunatics on the other side chanting “13! 13! 13!” He finds a small hole in the wall and peeks through to see what they’re doing. Suddenly a lunatic pokes him in the eye and the loonies chant “14! 14! 14!”

sikkil


12.

I keep hearing music coming from the printer. I think the paper is jamming.

ell_yeah


13.

What do you do when you see a space man?
Ya park man.

cokerman


14.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

haterhipper


15.

Have you ever smelled mothballs?
How’d you get their little legs apart?

YankeeinDixie


16.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

universallyamused


17.

How do you titillate an ocelot?
You oscillate its tit a lot.

Blibbobletto


18.

How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.

TagProNoah


19.

The red ship crashed into the blue ship.
The entire crew was marooned

legendary_dick


20.

Did you hear about the midget psychic that escaped from prison? He’s a small medium at large.

MaximusTheGreat


21.

Me: Why couldn’t the T-Rex make the bed?
Other person: ’cause their arms are too tiny!
Me: No, cause they’re extinct, dumbass.

Defbysunrise


22.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
NO, YOU’RE A POO!!!

socc3rdude


23.

Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they can.

lypura


24.

Two sausages are sitting next to each other in a skillet. One turns to the other and says
“Hot enough for ya?”
The other screams,
“OH MY GOD, A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!”

cheddarfire


25.

“Ask me if I’m a tree.”
“Are you a tree?”
“No.”

brandonmfree5


26.

Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a year!

BenDover101


27.

What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

LoCalrissian


28.

Why was gambling banned in South Africa?
Because there were too many cheetahs.

DukeCounter


29.

“Hey look a flock of cows!”
“…Herd of cows”
“Of course I’ve heard of cows! There’s a whole flock of them over there!”

BowieTheMythicalBard


30.

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

MHG73


31.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About halfway.

Manleather


32.

Why did the mayonnaise blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.

KhalessiCrys


33.

What’s green, fuzzy, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table.

rollos10


34.

A hairdresser curls up and dyes; a sculptor make faces and busts.

pseud_o_nym


35.

Why do elephants hide in cherry trees?
Have you ever found an elephant in a cherry tree?

onetwo3four5


36.

What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.

princessolympia


37.

Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley. One was assaulted.

ReusableOrphan


38.

Three old ladies sitting on a park bench.
The first says, “It’s windy isn’t it?”
The second replies, “No, it’s Thursday.”
The third responds, “So am I let’s get a drink.”

Omni314


39.

Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and go “oh shit, a cop”?

thegirlwthemjolnir


40.

What did one strawberry say to the other?
Nothing. Strawberries can’t talk.

quartermoon


41.

What did the fish say when he ran into the cement wall?
Dam.

DarkDaemon


42.

“I like my coffee they way I like my women…
…without a dick”

–fix


43.

There’s a conspiracy theorist, and he devoted his while life to following up on leads. One day he dies, and gets welcomed to heaven, where he goes to find God.

He finds God, and is told he can have any one question answered, so he asks, “Who did 9/11? Was is the CIA, The Saudis? Who was it?” And God replies “none of them. It was Bin Laden.”

The conspiracy theorist goes away and thinks to himself, “this plot goes way higher than I ever imagined.”

beeeel


44.

Why can’t you trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday.

4_tuna


45.

Two blondes walk into a bar; you’d think one of them would’ve seen it.

Ravyn82


46.

How do you organize a space party?
You planet.

lace_y


47.

Time flies like an arrow…fruit flies like a banana.

ehtret


48.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.

idumby


49.

Three potatoes are standing in a line. How do you know which one sleeps around?
The one that raises their hand and says I-da-ho.

detroitlinda


50.

Ham and Eggs walk in to a bar, sit down, and place their orders. Bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

Forfeit32 TC mark

Read This