April 14, 2016

39 Things Women Will Just NEVER Understand About Being A Man

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What is the issue?
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. We always have to make the first move

“Some of us really wouldn’t mind if you made the first move.”

2. How utterly socially alone we are sometimes

“How utterly socially alone we are sometimes. Most women seem to have many friends that they could call on in a second to provide deep emotional support. No guy friend has ever put their arm around me and told me it’s going to be OK. I don’t know any man I could cry to or just be with if I’m feeling down and desperate. Sure we can relate, and we can complain to each other. We can go out for a drink and talk and listen to problems and give solid advice and be there for the other guy. It doesn’t seem the same as the emotional support I see many women have, it’s an incredible gift to be able to let yourself go. Also, if you put an eye-tracking camera on the average dude and reviewed the footage of them walking down the street it would be a sea of breasts and butts. I barely know what my own main road looks like because every time I walk down it I’m looking at the ass of the girl walking in front.”

3. If you’re with kids, people assume you’re a pedophile

“That when I (a white guy) take my (black) nephews out to the park, I get looks from women that are the ‘He is a sexual predator.’ I have had police come up to me twice because women thought I was there planning on stealing someone’s kid even though I was there with my nephews. Another time, I was walking with my nephews and a women came up to me, looked at them and said ‘Do you know this man’ they said yes and she said ‘Are you sure, he didn’t take you or is hurting you is he.’ This is something that I have heard other guys deal with too, not just myself.”

4. Men live in a world where you are constantly unwanted, rejected, and outright feared, just for existing

“Women complain about how they are constantly being objectified and desired by men all the time. Try a world where you are constantly unwanted, rejected, and outright feared, just for existing.”

5. Women constantly attack us, and we’re not allowed to complain

“How helpless we are against the nasty mean looks, jokes, jabs and other subtle ways women attack us with. And on top of that, how society forces us to not complain about it.”

6. As a man you have absolutely no implicit value

“The sort of ‘silent expectation.’ It’s a difficult thing to articulate but it basically boils down to a sense of carrying everyday weight on ones shoulders in the absence of recognition or validation.

As a man you have absolutely no implicit value. With women there is a sense of validation, support, and even celebration surrounding many aspects of your life. Men are not seen as having any sense of valuable identity, beauty, or character. A woman with a career and a college degree is a unique success and glowing individual who is to be celebrated. A man with a career and a degree is only ever “good enough,” to meet the expectation enough that you aren’t ridiculed or seen ostensibly as a failure. Women with high levels of sexual activity may be called slut behind their backs, but they are also celebrated as being empowered. Promiscuous men are called assholes and considered predatory for expressing their sexuality. Many gorgeous men spend their entire lives without ever being complimented once by anyone other than their mother.

Patriarchal structures give men many societal advantages, but from a social psychological standpoint men tend to live lives devoid of positive reinforcement or celebration of the things they do or represent.”

7. The constant absence of romance

“The constant absence of romance for many men. I really think most women fail to realize the effect it has when you have an OKCupid account for like 2 years and never once getting a message. Then on top of that many men frequently try to express that they like a girl and are turned down. Repeatedly. For years and years. Many men can go many years with the certainty that no woman is thinking of them romantically and many even with open disgust. I mean it’s not absolutely terrible because most men I think learn to just dull out how depressing it really is and many of them (myself included) have extremely fulfilling male and male friendships. Even though, the truth is always there and sometimes you think about how shitty it is.”

8. When a little boy falls down, we tell them to stop crying, get up, and go play

“Women have to remember that the stoic stone motioned man that you see has been trained to be like that since the age of five. With a little girl falls down, people give a shit. When a little boy falls down, we tell them to stop crying, get up, and go play. So no amount of psychotherapy, analyzing, and health articles on how important emotions are is going to be able to rework what’s essentially two or three decades of emotional brainwashing. So much of how we bring up men is about forging guys to keep their eye on the prize no matter what. Things hurt? Tough through it. Lose a game? Learn, and then tough through it. Don’t like doing something? It’s character building, tough through it. I get that women want guys to be more emotionally connected or sympathetic. But just remember what you’re working with.”

9. We’re expected to be tough on the outside, but never sensitive on the inside

“Expected to be tough on the outside, but never sensitive on the inside since we’re not actually supposed to show weakness even when it’s called for :(”

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