1. She went off her meds and came at me with a butcher knife.

My then-GF went off her meds and ascended the stairs towards me with a butcher knife in each hand, scraping them along the walls….I locked myself in the bathroom while she pleaded in a baby voice to let her in and eventually she left.

2. Ten minutes after meeting me, she announced to the world that she wanted to marry me.

Within the first 10 minutes of meeting a girl, she told me that she wanted to marry me on Facebook.

3. She gave me a framed picture of herself…on the second date.

She gave me a framed picture of herself…on the second date.

4. During sex she told me she likes my dick so much she wants to cut it off and masturbate with it.

During sex she told me she likes my dick so much she wants to cut it off and masturbate with it.

5. “Sometimes I think about smothering you in my bed so that you’ll stay with me forever.”

To quote a now ex-girlfriend… “Sometimes I think about smothering you in my bed so that you’ll stay with me forever.”

6. 43 missed calls in one hour.

43 missed calls between 3:30am and 4:30am.

7. She pretended to be a cat.

One chick meowed and purred and pretended to be a cat immediately after sex. It wasn’t playful silly stuff, she was dead fucking serious and kept it up for a little while. She would meow when I asked her questions, lick her hands like paws, the whole nine yards. I didn’t see her anymore after that.

8. She thought she was an owl.

I once dated a girl who thought she was an owl. She complained that her “astral wings” were sore one time and I asked her why she said that, and then she admitted that she was an otherkin, and that she was afraid that I would think she was weird if she told me

She was right to be afraid, I will never believe in that bullshit attention cry.

9. She smacked me a few times then started screaming that I hit her.

Hooked up with girl at a bar. Her and I and several other people go back to her place. She brings me into her bedroom and we make out a little. She’s on top of me and starts laughing pretty weird and slaps me, then laughs really hard and slaps me a few more times then starts screaming at the top of her lungs that I hit her. That was fun.

10. Post-coital abortion-photo shocker.

I slept with a girl I met online and after we had sex and were lying there she asked if I’d like to see a photo of her daughter. I said ok and she reached under her pillow and handed me a picture of a bloody, dead, stillborn baby with a pink hat on.

11. “I…can feel myself getting pregnant!”

I’ll make this short, terrifying, and easily read. Me a 22-year-old virgin. Meet a girl on WoW. Meet up after a couple weeks. She suggests we watch a movie. 20 minutes in, asks me “why aren’t we having sex yet” I say “dunno” “take your pants off” “k” she mounts me. Instantly impales herself on my girth. Massive grinding. She cums instantly. I begin regretting the past week. Ask her to stop. She ignores. Ask her to get off me. She ignores. I try pushing her off. She won’t let me up. I can feel myself cumming. She still won’t get off. Unload my first real load into a woman. Unwillingly. It’s insanely large amounts and copious. She still won’t get off me. I’m freaking out. Can’t hit her, can’t fight back, have to take it or be accused of rape. She forces my erupting doodle against/partially into her cervix. Looks at me with insane eyes. “I…can feel myself getting pregnant! My egg loves all your warm sperm.”

Worst day of my life.

12. She wrote her name on everything I owned because she “owned” me.

I went out with a girl who would write her name on everything I owned because she now owned me and all my stuff, and I would think of her all the time.

It was cute at first but when you go to put a pair of boxers on and she’s written her name on the cleaning tag, it starts to get a bit creepy.

13. Crazy fairy girl with boyfriend climbed into my second story bathroom window at 5am to find out why I stopped responding to texts.

There was this girl, we’ll call her Cherry, I was in a dance class with. Very attractive, lots of tattoos, incredibly flirty, but she had a boyfriend so I brushed it off.

Well the story starts when I broke her boyfriend’s ribs (by accident). She starts texting me later saying she thought it was super hot (should’ve been the first clue). We start texting back and forth, it’s getting more aggressive. Then I find out they’re in an open relationship and she has permission from her boyfriend to do whatever with me. Weird, but being a 20-something guy I’m okay with it

So we’re fooling around for a few weeks and it starts becoming clear that something weird is going on. I came home a few times to find Cherry and her boyfriend drunk on my porch writing me weird love notes

Then one night she’s trying to get me to go to her boyfriend’s birthday party. I had other plans so I just said no but she was being very persistent. I go do my thing, ignore her texts, go home and pass out around 1am

I wake up around 5am and there’s someone standing at the foot of my bed. I can see the outline of fairy wings. At first I think I’m hallucinating but then the figure moves a little. Obviously it’s Cherry. She had decided to come see why I had stopped responding and climbed up into my second story bathroom window. wtf possesses someone to do that?!?

I escorted her out of the house, double and triple checked that every door and window was locked, and never talked to her again. Luckily I also moved halfway across the country later that week

14. She liked shoveling food into guys’ mouths until they got fat.

I dated a girl about three years ago who had a thing for fat. Not fat guys, but fat on guys

I was in pretty good shape when we started dating; about 175, visible abs (not quite a six-pack, but pretty good for never working out.) I wasn’t a fitness buff or anything, but I like a lot of outdoor activities, and I don’t really eat fast food. But dating this girl was like having your own personal gourmet chef. She could make a four course meal fit for Julia Child with one hand tied behind her back.

We met at a friend’s party, and I didn’t date her for the food, there were other cool things about her. But man, I still miss that food sometimes.

About four months in, I’m feeling pretty good about this. I’ve put on about twenty pounds, but I don’t really care that much. The relationship is so good, I’m starting to think we could go all the way. It was around this time she let slip how much more attractive she thought I was with the weight, and that she kinda had a fat fetish.

This should have been a big warning sign, but at the time I thought “Hell, why not.” She was still a pretty awesome girl, and I could rock the chubby look.

Over the next five months, though, it started getting really weirdly intense. She started feeding me at basically every opportunity; throughout the day, watching TV, in bed. She even wanted to do it during sex, but I honestly couldn’t handle that. I was starting to get pretty big too, pushing 230. Still didn’t care that much about the weight, but I was getting more and more uncomfortable with the situation.

The final straw was waking up one night to her playing and (I kid you not) making out with my gut.

I was outta the house that night.

Last I heard, she was with some 50-year-old guy built like a sumo wrestler.

15. She drugged and nearly raped me.

I was 17 and at a club a town over with my friends. When we got to the club we met up with some people my friend knew, one of her friends (let’s call her Date Rapist) is a couple of years older than I was and had taken an interest in me. For most of the night we were dancing and hanging out and generally having a good time, all except for Date Rapist who spent most of the night trying to separate me from my friends. After many failed attempts at trying to get me to “walk her to the bathroom” or “go look around” she finally managed to get me to go with her to get a drink. When we got to the bar she ordered two drinks and while I was fumbling around looking for my wallet he slipped something into it. Whatever Date Rapist put into the drink was strong because 5 minutes later I completely blacked out, my friends told me that she had tried to give me a handjob when I was almost unconscious and when one of her friends tried to stop her she attempted to take me back home with her, in the process gripping on my arm so tightly that is started to bleed. After that incident we went back to my friends house however Date Rapist was also meant to stay there that night so my friend had to take me to her room and share a bed with me that night in case Date Rapist tried anything else. When I woke up the evening after my friend told me that Date Rapist had tried to do this to other men before

16. She threatened to commit suicide if I didn’t elope to Vegas with her.

I had a girl who had been diagnosed with BPD, Schizophrenia, and bi-polar disorder borderline stalk me after I told her I wouldn’t date her. I finally thought she’d given up when she started dating a guy and got engaged. NOPE

She called me the night before the wedding telling me that she’d only dated that guy and gotten engaged to him to force me to realize that I loved her. She then told me that I needed to pick her up and elope with her to Vegas. I told her no, she offered me her virginity before we eloped to Vegas (I’m one of those no sex before marriage guys and she supposedly had similar convictions.) I told her no and hung up

Then she sent me a text telling me that she’d taken a bunch of sleeping pills and she wasn’t going to the hospital unless I was the one taking her there on the way to Vegas to elope. I called her roommate and told her to deal with it. Turns out she was lying. So I blocked her number

17. Her emails went from sweet to insane.

I had a girl send me emails for two years. They started off as poetry and love letters, but early in year two they took a turn for the worse. The last one said that she despised me, that I was a piece of shit, and that I should have died overseas (I was in the Army at one point)

It included a graphic and loving description of my death.

18. She showed up at my work multiple times.

Met a girl who was a friend of a friend. She has some severe mental disorders, pretty sure one of them is Asperger’s, but definitely some other stuff going on too.. Completely blind to normal social cues and etiquette, would ignore or forget whatever you told her if she didn’t like it. She decided that she and I were soul mates because we were born in the same year. She got my phone number from a business card I’d carelessly left laying around and started calling for no reason. After two or three calls where she’d blather on about nothing for ten minutes, run out of stuff to say, and start over again until I literally hung up on her, I stopped taking her calls. She changed her phone number four times over six months to trick me into answering. She showed up at my work multiple times. She couldn’t drive, she’d ride the bus. When I told her I was busy with work and want going to talk with her and she have to leave, she’d “miss” the bus and have to come back because the next one wasn’t for another hour. One time she “ran away” from home by hopping on the Greyhound; she texted me at 3 am from a city six hours away asking for money so she could come home, and if no money, could I come and get her?

Now, at no point did I ever lead her on in the slightest. I was polite and civil when I first met her, I was very blunt in telling her we would never be together, and after she ignored all that I started being downright rude. The only way I got her to finally stop harassing me was to ignore her entirely while my friends simultaneously ran interference for a continuous six months or so.

19. She told me that she was planning to kill herself once she found someone stable enough and reliable enough to care for her kids.

A few years back I hung out with some chick that worked in the same mall I did at the time. We had spoken once or twice prior, but this was the first time (and last time, actually) that we had done anything outside of work. Nothing major, just went for a walk on the beach with her son, talked, etc

Then we got back to her apartment, and she pretty much told me that she was planning to kill herself once she found someone stable enough and reliable enough to care for her kids. Then got upset when I did not want to spend the night with them, or date her. Go figure.

20. She always wanted to kiss me while I was shitting.

My ex used to always wanna kiss me when I was having a shit and I’d be sat there mid-drop shouting what the fuck are you doing like?! literally this bathroom must smell from the gorilla fingers I’ve dropped into the ceramic bowl babe? she’d always try and come back with sweet shit like naa I love you babe it’s easy to over look

Wanna know what isn’t easy to overlook? How I’ve been shitting peacefully for 21 years of my life until you came into it and fucked up my private poo time!!!

21. She screamed bloody murder while dreaming.

There was a girl I was romantically interested. She was very nice and amazing in bed. However, she screamed bloody murder in her sleep as she dreamt. I couldn’t do it. It was terrifying. Every night was terrifying.

22. She pretty much tried to rape me.

Had a girl fall in love with me in high school. She was a freshman and I was a junior. I had the same girlfriend all throughout high school, and occasionally we’d get into an argument and “take a break”. Every time this girl got wind of it she tried desperately to get me to go out with her. I made the mistake one time of taking her to homecoming out of pity. I went to drive her home and she was giving me directions to her place, which ended up just taking us to the middle of nowhere. She then started stripping and tried to pretty much rape me. I stopped her and took her home. After that I would occasionally see her spying on me when I was out on dates with my girlfriend. I have no idea how she followed me to some of those places. Last I heard she was in a mental hospital for attempted suicide, and she was pregnant by a 35-year-old man when she was 16.

23. She had her friend punch and jump on her stomach to kill the fetus inside her.

I got a girl pregnant when I was 14 and she had her friend punch and jump on her stomach repeatedly to kill it. She expelled the dead fetus into a toilet some time later. I try not to think about it. Edit: She also carved a heart with our initials into her hip with a razor blade and smeared pen ink on it. She’s now a lesbian stripper.

24. After the first time we slept together, she went into the bathroom and cut herself about dozen times.

After sleeping with a girl for the first time she went to the bathroom to clean herself up, she was in there for a long time

Eventually I went to see what was up, and she had taken apart my razor, taken the blade out, and had cut herself about 10-15 times on her inner thighs

This should have been a lightbulb moment for me to stop things from going any further, instead, I slept with her a couple more times, one time she just meowed like a cat all the way through. Another time she kept calling me daddy

She was the hottest girl I had ever slept with though which is why I let it carry on for a few days, but yeah..

25. She was obsessed with bruises.

First ever girlfriend was a nut. Seemed like a normal, cute, shy and demure young lady. I should have known. She was obsessed with bruises and would use makeup and flower petals to make her skin look bruised, and always wanted me to give her big gnarly hickeys and always gave me big gnarly ones too. She made hair dolls (of her own hair) for her friends, and made a lot of weird art about herself being some kind of tragic heroine beset by madness and oppression. When I finally had had enough of her begging me to tell her I loved her and waxing melancholic all the live long day when I refused to lie, I told her we were through and she just said “…I’m dead.” She then would do things like get drunk with her friends and tell them “let’s get on this bus and see where it goes” then take the bus that went to my house and roam my neighborhood looking for me.