6 Foolproof Steps To Ruining Your Perfect Relationship

1. React out of anger. 

If you’re tired of your relationship, instead of being calm and listening to whatever rubbish he has to say… Blow up. Get mad. Yell and accuse. He’ll probably wonder what he did wrong, then be offended and give him the silent treatment for maybe one week.

2. Shut down spontaneity.

Say a big no-no to that new sex style he wanted to try. Become rigid. Walk, talk, sleep rigid. Close down every idea of trying something new. Make the same boring dish every day, go to the same boring place. Take away the fun. And if he complains, refer back to number one.

3. Overstep every boundary there is.

Look at his phones when he’s sleeping or even grab it when he’s smiling looking at it. Put bugs on his laptop. Go to his office and yell at his sexy secretary and accuse him of sleeping with every hot girl in the office. Disrespect him in front of his friends, family, even boss. If you feel angry, blame him for all the pain in your life. Blame him for your cramps.

4. Stop showing affection.

Stop all the terms of endearment crap. Don’t even let him touch you, and even when he does act like a robot. Make sure there isn’t any excitement in your sex life. Look at number two, that should help.

5. Expect unrealistic things.

Ask him for what he can’t give. He’s a doctor? Tell him to dress a certain way doctors aren’t supposed to. Point out his flaws that he can’t possibly change and talk about them constantly. Ask him to buy you an island when he’s just a mechanic. Whine nonstop even when he pleases you.

6. Intimidate him.

Become domineering and try to manipulate him to do things you want. If you have to cry and not eat for two days, do it. Let him feel he can’t win with you. Buy things and flash at his face. Don’t shut up about that expensive bracelet your best friend’s boyfriend got her. Make him regret he ever met you.