November 21, 2012

6 Classist Characters On The OC, Ranked By How Classist They Are

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1. Caleb Nichol

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Don’t be an asshole.  This is an obvious grand prize winner. Caleb Nichol, the multi-millionaire patriarch of the show, is as hateful and wealthy as abhorrent grandpas can be. This man has an authoritative disdain for Kirsten’s husband that pervades through many seasons of the show, and when Kirsten and Sandy decide to adopt a teenage criminal from CHINO, well, Caleb Nichol’s baby brain nearly explodes with disgust. Chino. Chino. Ch-i-no. Is that even anywhere near Newport Beach? That place with the grainy camera work that almost goes black and white and only features chain link fences and kids in wife beaters on pegs? You mean it’s not near the ocean? Fuck Chino, thinks Caleb Nichol.

2. Julie Cooper

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Ah, the hypocritical Juicy-Couture wearing contradiction. She hails from Riverside, which we all know is God’s synonym for trailer trash, but she marries up and she marries often. As soon as her husband’s money goes, she goes. And who does she hate almost as much as Caleb Nichol does? Ryan Atwood. Chino’s former felon. Heaven forbid there be two poor people in Orange County. No way. There’s only room for one poor-gone-rich, and that’s Julie Cooper, bitches.

3. Summer Roberts

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Don’t favor her because she eventually falls in love with Seth Cohen, who is the show’s most remarkable and redeeming character. Summer hates poor people almost as much as she would hate being poor, which she never is (unless you count her sort of choice-hippie-poverty in Season 4). Do you guys even recall when she realizes Ryan is from Chino after trying to drunkenly slobber on him at Holly’s beach house? She practically throws up on him when she finds out where he’s actually from. And to think she once thought his black cuff bracelet was sexy.

4. Kirsten Cohen

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I know what you guys are thinking. Kirsten let Ryan Atwood into her home! Kirsten is friends with Julie Cooper! No. To respond to your inane idiot thoughts, neither of those statements is actually true. Kirsten practically hides her jewelry when Ryan first comes home with Sandy, AND she refers to him as a convict! Later, in her drunkest alcoholic state, she holds Ryan’s adoption over his head in a sorry slurred threat: “I let you into this home!” No shit, Kiki. And, for the record, Kirsten sort of hates and resents Julie Cooper, because Julie married Kiki’s longtime love, Jimmy. She’s always one of the first to remind Julie that she’s from Riverside. Gross.

5. Luke… (What’s his last name?) Ward

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The only reason Luke doesn’t rank above Kirsten and Summer is because of his wildly dynamic character arc that allies him with Ryan in the middle of season one — mostly to face off against Marissa’s psychopathic creeper, Oliver Trask. However, in the first couple of episodes, Luke is the one who coins the thereafter culturally ubiquitous phrase, “Welcome to the OC, bitch,” after beating up Ryan and Seth on the beach, presumably because Ryan is from Chino.

6. Marissa Cooper

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Just because she hangs out with trailer trash and eventually lives in a trailer does not make Marissa Cooper any less classist. In fact, in some ways, it makes her even more classist. She may not immediately dislike Ryan because he’s from Chino, but that’s mostly because he pretends to be James Dean and he has the potential to pull her away from her douchebag boyfriend in Season 1, Luke. Even as a fallen rich girl who is forced into public school, Marissa collects poor people like they’re her charity work: Ryan. Johnny. Volchek. The list goes on. She even tries to befriend Theresa, and nobody should ever try to do that. TC mark

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