Thought Catalog
February 4, 2014

7 Things About Sex Women In Their 30s Need To Start Talking About

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What is the issue?
Lately, I’ve found myself pouring glasses of wine, and sitting with my girlfriends to talk about things which everyone seems to experience – but no one ever really talks about. That’s the thing about your 30s. Suddenly your list of experiences has doubled and you’re not sure you’re any smarter.

So the other night, somewhere in between the flood of tears, exasperated sighs, and sad smiles, I decided it’s time to talk about those things.

That’s why I’ve compiled a list of those things of which we’ve said. Please help me spread the word.

1. Good girls have dirty thoughts.

I’m just saying this out loud because it’s yet another thing that no one ever seems to want to talk about. But it’s true! For some reason it was cool to talk about it when Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte were doing it, but I wasn’t doing it then. I’m sorry, but we need to stop being embarrassed and being comfortable with voicing our desires and wants. This includes letting out a “Have Mercy!” when John Stamos is cloned in a yogurt commercial.

2. Even good men have dirty thoughts.

Yes ladies, you heard me. This is for all the women out there who always seem so surprised to hear about that “good guy” who flirted with me at the bar. It’s not his fault, he doesn’t know how long I’ve been looking for the one or the dirty thoughts I had when he flashed his smile. Just because they look – doesn’t mean they’ll touch. And no I am not justifying that flirtation, just acknowledging the occasional need for it. It’s like a friend of mine said the other day, “Every guy has to drive the car around, as long as they’re not parking it in anyone else’s driveway– you’re ok.”

Just don’t let him park in your driveway, not while someone is waiting for him at home.

3 Even “good” men and women have affairs.

But with that being said, we can’t forget that even “good boys” and “good girls” have affairs. I use the term loosely, but think of “good” as anyone with some sort of apparent moral standing. Relationships are hard work and like any living thing, they need sustenance in order to live. So when things fall apart, we can’t be quick to judge. We weren’t there and we don’t know what happened. But things do happen and people get hurt. There really isn’t any clear distinction between good and bad. When it comes to love and relationships there’s a sea of gray and we just do our best not to drown. Keep your minds and your hearts open and talk about it.

4. Sex can be awkward and awesome.

It can be a lot of things. But it’s a beautiful thing, and even more beautiful when you can have it with someone you actually care about. Like Salt’N-Peppa said.. let’s talk about it.

5. Conception isn’t easy.

Yes, some women get pregnant really quickly. It’s like all they need is to get close enough to a penis and “poof!” they’re pregnant. But there’s a whole bunch of others who struggle. They are the ones who are ready and plan to have a baby only to realize that when it comes to life, that’s one thing, you can’t always plan. They spend the first few years of their marriage trying to conceive and still have to hear it from their grandchildren-hungry in-laws. Stop asking them. It’ll happen when it happens.

6. Miscarriages are hard.

They are awful and devastating and they happen more frequently than any woman ever says out loud. Please, do yourself and your girlfriends a favor and talk about it. It may be hard at first — and that’s ok — but when you’re ready, please do. And remember, even if a woman is eventually able to conceive, that will never erase the memory of that miscarriage.

7. Dating is exhausting.

I don’t care how many new apps or how many new dating sites pop up – it doesn’t get any easier. I know some married women or women in relationships who get so excited to hear dating stories. Well by this point in our dating lives, we hate sharing them. I hate them even more when I get excited about them because I’m terrified of it not working out and then having to reveal my piece of a broken heart. All we really want are meaningful connections and the express train to get there.

These are only a few of the things which have come up lately. But they’re all important. I say them to you as a way of extending a hug, a listening ear and an open mind. For my friends, I love you all and you have my heart. Thank you for being a friend. TC mark

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