We’re Not Taking The Wrong Photos, We’re Picking The Wrong Partners

It seems as if we are in another social divide, due to the celebrity nudes leak. Half of us are saying we shouldn’t be taking and sharing naked pictures in the first place (or at least not with your face in it or any identifiable clues) and half of us are saying we should do what we want, and that our bodies and privacy should be honored. I think there is a larger, more complex issue with in this, and sorry to that one half of the population, but I’m with Side B on this one, but for a more in-depth reason.

How many times have you dated a guy or girl, dumped them or been dumped, and then dated a carbon copy of that person? We allow ourselves to be treated like shit repeatedly, or go after people who abuse us because
A. We think we deserve it.
B. That’s all we know because we’re not looking for anything else.
C. We think we have a “type.”
D. We’re just stupid?

Now, here is where it gets tricky. Not all “bad guys” or “bad girls” are going to share your nudes with the general public. And vice versa, goody-two shoes could end up sending everyone those photos you sent them late at night! Not everything is black and white. HOWEVER: In order to share your body with another human, whether it is virtual or physical, it is of the upmost importance that you trust that person and value their qualities. And I am saying trust on an extreme level; trust like you have never trusted anyone before. Not that we can see into the future and predict “oh, this person will send a chain email of me touching myself to his /her whole inbox” but, I am simply saying we need to evaluate our partners a little more critically before they gain our full trust.

So what are some things you should be aware of before taking the plunge?

1. Have an open conversation about how you demand these things to stay private. To honor your wishes, they need to be stated loud and clear.

2. Get to know them first! If you met this person on Tinder, or at a bar or wherever, you shouldn’t be sharing intimate things with them because you don’t know where they are coming from/if they have done anything like this before.

3. Question them. Ask if they have ever engaged in this before, what they do with the photos after they’ve seen them, do they delete them? Who they share them with (should be no one obviously). Nothing wrong with a little quiz when the reward could be your hot bod to look at.

4. Any signs of infidelity, or deceit or plain sketchiness (by your own definition), don’t do it. It’s an action that can’t be undone.

5. Before things get too far, perhaps don’t include your face. I personally don’t think that is a necessity but I can see it mitigating the harsh results if you are distrusting of the person in the first place. If someone does go behind your back, at least there will be minimal proof.

I’m not saying Jennifer Lawrence sent these photos to a douchebag. We don’t know that, and hackers are a whole other party to crash. But, this unfortunate event has made light for many people who have been humiliated. I’ve seen tons of cases where others lambast friends and classmates for having naked pictures resurfaced because someone released their private photos. A lot of the time we all weren’t surprised that he or she did it or we “saw it coming.” Red flag.

To trust someone else, you must respect yourself first. We might be able to eliminate some portion of humiliation by sharing things with better people. We are picking the wrong partners, not taking the wrong photos. As for the hackers that are violating people of their privacy? Find something better to do, jerks.