We all want the right guy: i.e. “the one”, our dream guy, our knight in shining armor. We all want the sought after “Tall Dark and Handsome”, spewing with money, generosity, and favorable procreating potential (am I right ladies?). But what if one day you find yourself stuck at the crossroads between two guys who seem like Mr. Right? What do we do then? GPS can’t help you out with this one, girl.
Some of us get the pleasure of having our cake and eating it too, but not all of us are so lucky. I’ve seen it time and time again: You meet said Tall Dark and Handsome and somewhere amid what you think is marriage in the making, “true love”, passion, whatever you want to call it, comes in smacking you in the face, halting you to an abrupt stop. Or maybe it happened the other way around.
It happened in the Wedding Singer, it happened in The Notebook, and it happened in Twilight. All main characters plagued with the decision of having to choose between two seemingly great guys. (If you haven’t seen these movies, what are you even doing with your life?)
It even happened to my best friend, and here it is, happening to me now. This guy, literally, walked right into my life and asked me out on a date. Talk about swoon. Not a lot of guys make a bold move like that nowadays, but it’s an admirable one.
Usually, typical of our generation, it’s all about the game, the chase, etc. But not with this guy. He’s cute, he’s nice, he’s a gentleman, and does everything a girl could want. Forget “Netflix and chill”, he takes me out on real dates, holds my hand, kisses me on the forehead, and texts me every day. He’s got a college degree and a great job. Checks marked all across the board here. We’ll call this guy Mr. Right.
But- there’s someone else lingering in the back of my mind. We’ll call him Mr. Left (lol because he’s not a Mr. Wrong. Yet).
Mr. Left might not always be all check marks across the board, but damn, does he make me feel things. Things I don’t always feel with any other guy. Herein lies my problem. No matter how much I like Mr. Right, and how right he may be for me, I can’t seem to get over Mr. Left.
Of course. As soon as I think something good comes along, this thing called Life sneaks back in reminding me “Hey, I’m here for the party!” and forces me back down to reality. Ugh. Here we go again.
One day, while explaining my dilemma to a close friend he asked me, “What’s the difference between [Mr. Right] and [Mr. Left] if they’re both equally as cute and nice?” That question really got me thinking, why? Why am I more attracted to one over the other despite their many differing, but admirable, qualities? They both possess things that I like. Hence, why this is so hard. But the answer should be obvious. Go for Mr. Right! Duh!
But love’s not that easy.
Just like Julia in The Wedding Singer, Allie in The Notebook and Bella in Twilight, I, too, am left with the burden of a major decision. Go with Mr. Right, who can guarantee a good life and happiness? Or go for the guy that gives me butterflies with every word and every glance? The guy everyone would tell me to say no to.
Is “good” ever enough with love, though? What if it could be “amazing” instead? What’s more important? A generic, predictable and stable life with someone who’s just “okay” or a wild and mysterious life with true, loving passion? I’ll leave that one up to you to decide.
What I do know is this: I don’t want to spend my life asking myself a bunch of “what if’s” and “could’ve, would’ve, should’ves.” I want to live my life passionately, spontaneously, and with no regrets. Hunter Hayes said it right when he said “I don’t want “good” and I don’t want “good enough”, I want “can’t sleep, can’t breathe without your love”.”
Maybe not all will agree with me, but to each their own.
While it would be easy to just say “go with your gut” or “trust your intuition”, sometimes you can’t always decipher what your intuition is telling you. It can be playing tricks on you. We’re only human, our brains aren’t perfectly crafted machines made to know all the answers.
The one you can’t get your mind off of, though, the one that makes your heart go wild, that should be your hint right there. He’s there for a reason. He’s got the X factor: chemistry. The thing you can’t fake.
My friend chose Mr. Right, though. And is she 100% happy with that decision? I’m not so sure I’m convinced. If she is, then I’m still trying to figure out why she keeps wanting to go back to Mr. Left. My point right there- I’m telling ya, there’s got to be a reason.
Heck, maybe you’ll be lucky enough to find all of your desired qualities in a partner merged together and made into one perfect guy**Sheena article. But we all know Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist (maybe we can pretend).
In all seriousness, though, this ideal should be put to rest. This far fetched Mr. Perfect may have existed back when our parents and grandparents were our age, but times have changed. It’s 2016, ideals are changing. As much as I hate to admit, there are no more knights in shining armor. There are no more Lloyd’s serenading you with a boombox outside your bedroom window. But you know what, they’ll be more than enough Mr. Rights and Mr. Lefts to go around.
It’s about finding that person who is imperfectly perfect to you. We’ve all heard this, right? It should be the one who makes you feel whole, makes you laugh, challenges you, loves you fiercely, and gives you that all intensive passion that we need and crave, naturally, as human beings. The one we can embrace with open arms and with no reservations, despite what anyone else has to say about it. Now that’s the person you need to choose.
We need to accept that we may not always find the one who’s been conjured up in our minds or in our dreams. We’re human, not superheros, and not characters from a romantic comedy.
I can guarantee you that not everything will work out the way you planned, or even anticipated, and that’s okay. Because there’s beauty to be found in the unexpected.
If there was one piece of advice I would give to my future child about love is this: “Love is not always going to be easy. But the right love will be worth it.”
In the end, I chose Mr. Left. And with that I am consciously choosing unpredictability, excitement, and chaos. I don’t know what to expect, or what will come out of this. I might find love, or I might get my heart broken. If it doesn’t end up working out then, hey, there’s more where that came from. I’ll let you know how it goes- but for now I’m just busy enjoying the spontaneity of life right where I’m at.