Being a White, Heterosexual, Size 10 Woman in College
By Lily Weiner
When you go out to the dining hall with your group of friends, which is all male and one tiny female, you repress the desire to eat pizza or cake or cheeseburgers and go the healthy way. A salad or sandwich should suffice. The whole time you wish you were eating alone so you wouldn’t have to feel self-conscious about eating a whole plate of fries or actually eating some cake (which you inevitably do after the healthy option because your group sits in the dining hall too long and you can’t resist the temptation).
Find yourself a group of girl friends who eat just as much as you and feel comfortable eating with them, only to realize that you actually gain weight because now you can eat as many French fries, cheeseburgers, and pieces of cake as you desire, instead of respecting a social norm in front of your guy friends.
When you get dressed in front of your roommate always hope she doesn’t accidentally turn around and see those love handles you try so hard to cover up with dresses and layers and big sweatshirts.
Find yourself judging other women (and hating it) on their size, weight and fashion choices. Feel yourself thinking “if I were her size I would be so much more fashionable” and then realizing if you were her size you might not feel such a need to be fashionable. Or seeing someone a few sizes bigger than you and thinking “shit she’s big” only to realize the girl next to you might be thinking the same thing about you.
Search for a guy who likes you despite the fact that you have a few curves. Look at parties, classes and clubs. Find a boy who likes you at a music frat party. Go home with him, become obsessed with him and never see him again.
Make numerous attempts to “get in shape.” Go to the gym, eat salad, and drink lots of water. All of these attempts last for around two weeks and end with a “you know what I don’t care in the fifties my size would have been considered beautiful.” Curse Twiggy for starting current fashion trends. Remember the day you first noticed your curves and wish you started “getting in shape” back then so today you could be as shapeless as the girls you see at parties every weekend.
Give up on dieting. Read lots of blogs that tell you to look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful. Try it. Laugh. Be happy with your friends and your life. Laugh some more.
Meet a drunk guy in your lounge. He recognizes you. He sits behind you in your psych lecture class. You don’t recognize him at all, but you talk to the guy he sits next to sometime. He talks about intrinsic and extrinsic beauty and you’re hooked against your own will. Think he’s into your tiny friend. He’s not. He asks you to go to the library with him and stays up all night talking to you. He finally kisses you while lying next to you in your bed. Stop Searching.