November 21, 2016

5 Surefire Ways To Get Over Him

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 Aki Tolentino
Aki Tolentino

1. Remove his presence from your life.

Delete his phone number. Every single piece of photo you took with him. Every last text, as mundane as what he had for lunch to the sweet nothings of how he loved you to the moon and back. Avoid contacting him at all costs. You can write down a list of reasons why it didn’t work out with him and when the temptation to contact him becomes unbearable, take out the list and remember why you shouldn’t. If he tries to reach out to you, tell him that you need time to process what happened and you can contact him when you are ready. Do not be friends with him right away. Remove everything that he painstakingly made for you—paper roses because he knew you adored flowers and a hundred folded stars just because he wanted to light up your day. If you cannot bring yourself to remove them permanently, put them all out of your sight. Put it in some dark corner or a forgotten spot. Because like how you must forgot them, you must forget him.

2. Don’t try to find closure.

I know all you want to do is to demand an answer and explanation. You are confused and you don’t know what happened and why this happened to you. Understand that no matter what he says or does, it can never appease you. Because the only thing you want is the one thing he cannot give you—his love. It is no use trying to pick apart the past and wanting to pinpoint where you both went wrong or what you did or didn’t do. None of it can help you to get him back or move on. Sometimes we just have to accept the hand that we are dealt. Sometimes there is no closure. The only closure we can have is the one that we give ourselves. Attaining your peace of mind is the most important priority. You shouldn’t resist the pain and instead, slowly let reality sink in and accept that this is happening. Your present moment is always more important than the past. What you seek is the courage to let go and not to relieve the painful past.

3. Show up everyday and make the effort to live life normally.

While it is tempting to stay in bed all day and cry, hide in your room and grieve, think that you are never going to be okay again, it is not going to do you any good. It takes effort and discipline to wake up every morning and go about your daily life. It requires all your concentration and determination to keep a composed face and facade when you feel like death inside. However, it is going to be worth it. Once you get past the initial resistance and go about your life normally, you will eventually see that there is life after this breakup. You may feel like your whole world is falling apart but that is definitely not true. You have a stable job to go to every day, supportive friends who you can always turn to, and your youth with infinite possibilities. You can chase your dreams and turn them into reality. The sky is the limit. This breakup is just a small obstacle you face in your life journey and it doesn’t have to define you. Life goes on and there are better things ahead.

4. Focus on your present moment and fill your life with positive things.

We usually think that the relationship and the person are so much better than they really were when everything ended. Don’t romanticize the relationship and accept why the relationship ended. The fundamental differences. The irreversible damages. The love that eventually faded. Write down your feelings if it helps you to clear your mind. Do other activities to distract yourself so that you don’t spend every waking moment thinking about him and wishing you could go back in time. Attend to your daily routines, meet your friends, and fake it until you make it. Tell yourself that you’re going to be okay. Meditate if it’s your thing. Hit the gym. Watch your favorite movie. Read endlessly. Reinvent your look. Do what you have been putting off forever. Indulge in activities that you love. Spend time with yourself and enjoy your solitude. Avoid dating immediately. Remember what you need is to heal and move on, not a temporary fix that is doomed to come crashing down and worsen the recovery process.

5. Accept that it takes time to get over him.

Moving on does not happen overnight. You don’t wake up magically fine one day. You won’t suddenly lose your feelings for him in an instance. Instead, you will feel awful on most days. You will cry most of the time. You will have more downs than ups. Your recovery is not linear and you will go back and forth. It is a tough period. However, don’t give up. Know that what you are feeling now is completely normal. You just lost someone very precious to you and it will take a while, and maybe even a long time, to move on. Don’t try to think of the future and get terrified of the uncertainty. Instead focus on getting through one day at a time. Acknowledge your small steps and successes. Look back at how far you’ve come and feel empowered that you are getting stronger each day. Don’t beat yourself up over bad days. Slowly but surely, you will be okay. TC mark

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