This Is How I Know I’m Not Over You Yet

It seems to me that 3 months of not hanging out with you has been a very long time. Everything went so quickly — how it began, and how it ended — and it was alarming. We were not even able to have a serious talk about how we wanted it to end. It just did. The love was just not enough. I was not even sure if we really did love each other, or if it was just an infatuation, but mine felt so real. I just woke up one day, not receiving a single text from you, not receiving calls from you asking how I’d been doing. It just came to the point that I wasn’t excited to pick up my phone anymore, or even take a glance at it, because I knew each time it vibrated, it wasn’t you.

This is actually my 14th week of not being with you. I thought I was finally okay. I could finally go on with my life and let the feelings subside for a while, because I knew that what we had wasn’t so “serious” that I could spend too much time contemplating. I knew I moved on, or so I thought.

But I know I’m still not completely over you because as I type these words, what I am listening to right now is one of your favorite songs.

I know I’m still not completely over you because I can still manage to write down all of these words at this time of the night despite all the stress and busy days in school.

I know I’m still not completely over you because I could not pretend how it hurt me when you dropped by just to get something.

I know I’m still not completely over you because I find it awkward now to hang out with you in front of other people without those sweet gestures and corny pick-up lines.

I know I’m still not completely over you because I find it hard to plan things on my own without thinking how they would affect you.

I know I’m still not completely over you because I keep on playing songs that wouldn’t make me feel less lonely.

I know I’m still not completely over you because I still feel the physical pain in my chest every time I hear your name.

I know I’m still not completely over you because it hurts to think how I shed tears reminiscing about us, while you shed none.

I know I’m still not completely over you because I still pray for your happiness even if it means me embracing all the hurt.

You are not perfect, not even halfway, but falling for your game is inevitable. I actually thought I was completely over this, because I know you are. I honestly miss you right now, but missing you doesn’t mean that I want to go back. We’ve had enough. Maybe that’s it. Maybe this is just how things should be.