October 5, 2016

The Part Of Healing No One Talks About

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Imani Clovis
Imani Clovis

I used to think of myself as a superhero. I was so okay with being alone and being independent that I completely and utterly prided myself on how great I was at it. I was almost too okay with being alone, to the point where I dismissed connection only for the sake of my own ego.

I used to think healing was done by oneself just as much as hurting was. I thought that we were the sole providers of our evolution and that all of our success, failure, heartbreak, and wellness was dependent on us and only us.

It wasn’t until I was in a room with people who were grieving the very same thing I had lost that I knew healing was done in the company of other people.

We live in such an individualistic society where no one ever tells us that in order to bounce back from our sadness, we must first live there with others. We may think we are made to completely stitch ourselves back together with our own needle, but in reality- no doctor can do his own surgery just like no professor can take the test he made and learn something new from it. In order to get things done, to evolve to a space of progression and change, we need the assistance of people who are searching for the same things as us. Sometimes in order to be where we need to be we have to admit that we need help getting there, and quite frankly, sometimes people are more qualified than us when it comes to mending certain areas.

We are meant to survive, and we can do it on our own don’t get me wrong. But, the way to survival is an uphill battle that is a hell of a lot more efficient and liberating with the help of other hands.

When we heal with others, we bargain with them. We share different parts of our grief that can only be validated by people who are mourning the same situation as us. We get angry with them, we are in denial with them, and we learn how to accept with them.

Loss is not meant to be a cold room where depression is destined to be at its worse. Grief truly starts when don’t let ourselves be alone in the room; it happens when we decorate the room and we know that trying times deserve the warmth of bodies that fill it.

Healing is held in between the two people offering empathy in the form of a hug. It’s the silent condolence we feel when we look into the eyes of our neighbor. It’s the sad songs that allow you to be exactly how you are in the arms of a stranger.

Healing with others is real, it’s painful, it’s necessary.

All we can really do is know our own strength, know what we can handle and manage it the best we know how to all while being aware that we are not alone, and we simply don’t need to be.

The only way to dismiss the war that leads you to the freedom of loving and letting go is to refuse to show yourself to the people who are battling the same thing.

Know that there is no shame in admitting and being present in the areas of our life that are meant to rely on others. We can find the balance of exemplifying our strengths and our ability to heal at the same time we greet the importance of sharing this process with others that are going through the same thing.

We are not less nor are we weak for sharing our common realities in the form of connection, that is merely where our strength begins. TC mark

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