To The Man Who Ghosted And Left Me A Ghost

We met in an unconventional way, and we only met once, but after you quoted Queen Bey and I discovered that you too were a writer, I wanted to know more about you. What started off as hours of online messages back and forth turned into texts then we graduated to phone calls.

There was something about you that just lit up my heart.

Maybe because for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t about dating or any other ulterior motives; it was just about two people who bonded as friends. I had such a respect for what you did and the kind of person you were. We would talk for hours about our childhood, our likes and dislikes, laugh about our past fashion choices, agree to teach each other skills the other had, and make plans to see each other.

Then slowly, I started comparing the guys I would go on dates with to you. They weren’t as tall, or as funny, or not quite as driven as you were.

Simple “Good mornings” started to include adjectives such as beautiful and handsome. We progressed to having FaceTime dates, which turned into multiple hour Skype sessions. We updated each other through photos of what we were doing throughout the day and I found myself thinking about you more and more. And each thought brought another smile to my face.

I knew I started to fall for you when I didn’t care about what you could give me or what you could do for me but it became more about what I could do for you, how could I help you. I didn’t want to change a single thing about you except for the distance between us. You made me want to become a better person, a person you deserved. You made me realize it isn’t about the material things but about living life.

Two months in we wouldn’t go a day without talking to each other. You worked 12-hour days but still found time for “FaceDates” or phone calls. While training for that marathon you’d still talk on the phone (though I still don’t believe that you can run and have a full conversation, laugh, and NOT be out of breath). You’d say things about how you needed a weekend off from the world but not from me and we’d talk about how I wanted to meet your dog to get her approval, then you’d reassure me that I won her owner over a long time ago.

Phrases like “meant to be” and “wish you were here” were tossed around.

But up until this point we were still only friends. All my girlfriends told me to wait to tell you how I felt until we were in person together, but I knew I just had to know how you felt. I took a leap of faith, telling you how I love talking to you and I that liked you as more than a friend, waited for what seemed like forever, then you responded that you felt the same way!

In that moment nothing could bring me down. I thought this could be it, the distance didn’t matter and nothing mattered as long as you felt the same.

I never thought that the texts would slowly decrease; phone calls to you would be more frequently answered by your voice mail and a day without speaking to each other turned from an exception to the rule.

We were supposed to move forward, not come to a screeching halt.

You told me you fell for me. To hear those words come out of your mouth is something I’ll never forget. Maybe I overhyped our entire story in my head and heart. Maybe you were scared, maybe you didn’t really feel the same but you were too nice of a guy to let me down, maybe you really did just get too busy or maybe something clicked and you no longer wanted me to be the one to catch you.

There are days I wish I never told you I felt that way. Maybe I could have my amazing friend back. There are days that I’m proud of myself for being upfront about my feelings. Though I may never find out why you decided to walk away I’m thankful for the brief part you played in my life.

Thank you for shaking up the idea of the kind of man I thought I wanted. Thank you for showing me what’s really important when it comes to looking for a potential partner in life and most of all, thank you for helping me realize that I will be ok.