Thought Catalog
March 9, 2017

I’m Not Afraid To Love Again

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What is the issue?
God & Man

Sure, loving you was easy; it was effortless and seamless. It was everything I thought love should be and it was everything I wanted. You said all the right things and made me feel the love I still dream about. We danced together in the sunlight, and the moonlight, and every moment in between because we came together like a marionette, strung together, not ever letting go.

But then you left, just like all the others.

You weren’t the first and you certainly won’t be the last. Because this is what I do. I love the ones who never thought they could love like that. I love them more than they had ever felt before.

I love people who need love the most and I love them hard.

And yes, the heartbreak after is always the same disappointment. I blame myself for loving too much and falling too soon. I tell myself I’ll never do it again because the pain is just too much to bear. But then the storms in my heart and the monsters in my head start to fade away. It becomes harder and harder for me to remember the sad ending, how it all fell apart.

Instead I am again infatuated with the beginning, and all the years intertwined together as one. I remember the smile in your eyes when I you said I was the first person you could really trust and the fire in you heart when you saw me in that red dress.

That spark of love you felt was the high I was seeking. Maintaining that love became an addiction.

Every time you came running to me, craving my love, I was there with open arms, ready to give you all the love I had.

And now that you’re gone, and you don’t need my love, I am readying myself to do it all over again. They say time heals all and you’ll love again when you’re ready. But I don’t need time, I don’t need to heal. You didn’t steal my love; you didn’t break my heart. There is no mending to be done, no searching for who I am.

I know who I am and that is someone who loves.

I bring love into the lives of others because I just cannot keep it all for myself. I am both the candle that emits the light of love and also the mirror that reflects it. And love is never wasted; it breathes life into both the ones who receive it and the ones who give it.

So don’t tell me I have to be careful next time, or that I have to take my time. Because without the love I have given, I would not have the peace I have today.

I am at peace knowing my love was deep and my love was genuine. I know that my love made a difference. It gave shelter to someone that had been searching for love for so long. It inspired someone to give love in the same ways I did, like they never had before.

And although that love will no longer be shared with me, it comforts me to know they will be able to love someone more than they ever could before.

So when I love again I will love without fear or hesitation and it will be just as full as the last. It will be the love I have always given, a love that will light my soul and theirs. TC mark

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