You don’t need that boy or girl as much as you think you do. You don’t need to be in a relationship to truly feel fulfilled. You just need yourself and a little faith that someday, you’ll get to where you need to be.
You are pining after someone who has already left, someone who has stomped on your heart and has left you alone. You are pining after someone who has taken advantage of what you have to give. Who has taken advantage of the love that you offered them.
When anxiety takes over, you may not know it. You may not know the seriousness of it. You may not know it has taken ahold of you. You may think it’s silly. You might even listen to those people, when they tell you it’s not a big deal. You might even listen to them, when they tell you it will go away on it’s own.
It comes out from hiding when you least expect it. It’s a ghost that you never invited inside your brain. It’s a skeleton in your closet, that won’t go away no matter how many times you smash it to pieces. It’s a monster under your bed, who comes out to play at the worst possible moments.
It’s telling yourself to breathe. Just breathe. But you don’t know how.
This isn’t the life we deserve at all. We weren’t meant to be so scared of failure. To be so frightened of falling. We weren’t meant to live a life full of unchecked boxes. We weren’t meant to concentrate so much on what we are doing wrong, instead of what we are doing that’s right.
They will love every single part of you. And no matter how terrible you can act towards them, no matter what ugly words come flying out of your mouth, they will still love you. Despite it all.
Only after the destruction, will you be able to start rebuilding your heart back up again.
I’m going to therapy to love myself harder. To treat myself better. To care for myself in ways that no one else can. I’m going to therapy to love parts of myself that I haven’t found compassion for yet. I’m going to come to terms with my mistakes, and to accept me for me. The good and the bad parts.
The kind of love that we deserve is warm. The kind that covers us like a blanket, protecting us from the outside darkness. And we deserve the kind of love that feels like a cabin in the woods, the kind that shelters our heart and makes sure it feels held and wanted. We all deserve the kind of love that feels like a safe haven.