Please, do yourself a favor and try to enjoy this day instead of weeping into your pillowcase for twenty four hours straight. Do yourself a favor and treat this day just like any other day! Because honestly? That’s what it is.
24 – You start really freaking out at this point, wondering if you will ever meet that special someone. Your friends tell you that you just need to be patient, but how can you be patient when your Facebook feed is full of 20 year olds with babies and engagement rings already?
You hold onto friendships and past relationships even if they don’t fulfill you. You hold onto keeping in touch with all your exe’s and ex besties because you don’t want to disapoint them or cause them pain. In reality, you’re making yourself feel worse and are actually causing yourself more and more anguish.
Anxiety doesn’t adapt well to change or to life altering moments. Anxiety doesn’t care if you are excited about moving to another state, or if you finally got an amazing promotion. Anxiety doesn’t care about your accomplishments, because all it does is focus on your failures.
If you were really in love with her? She’d be in your arms right now. You wouldn’t have to explain anything. You wouldn’t have to apologize or try to get her back. You wouldn’t have to have something to miss. You wouldn’t have to have someone to want.
But what I want you to remember most is the moment you turned away. The moment you decided that this wasn’t going to work. The moment you shifted your gaze so you didn’t have to look at me. The moment you saw me crying and said nothing. The moment when everything changed.
She gave you everything. Her heart, her mind, and her body. And you? You didn’t even have the decency to give her even a tiny piece of yourself.
You need to be able to communicate. To not just reply with one word answers or one sentences text messages. You need to be able to always say how you feel when you feel it, instead of hiding it. Over thinkers will try to find meaning in everything that you say and do, so you might as well always tell the truth, even if it’s hard to do.
You make me want to be weak. You make me want to forget my self-worth. To throw away my ideas of what I deserve and to whole heartedly dive into your world. Your world that used to be mine too.
You just gave up. You gave up when I needed you the most. You gave up when I loved you the most. You gave me up and you gave ‘us’ up. And for what? I’ll never know.