I am done.
Done waiting around for someone to show up, when they clearly don’t want to come out of hiding. I am done loving someone with my whole heart, when they clearly, have no idea how to fully love.
I am tired. Tired of all the waiting, tired of all the wanting and longing. And I am so tired of loving so deeply, when everyone around me covers their ears in fear.
I am done shouting ‘I love you’, when everyone else is running away from every heart that wants to be seen. I am done giving and giving and giving, when everyone else just takes, and takes, and takes.
I am a giver. I give too much when I shouldn’t. I give myself to others so openly, without hesitation and without question.
I trust too hard. I trust anyone, without inquiring about anyone’s past. I trust the ‘I love you’s’ when they clearly are false statements. I trust the hugs and the kisses, beckoning me in from the cold. I trust the touches, and the words that string me along until I am too thin to pick myself back up again.
I am done wearing myself down. I am done giving people my all, when I get nothing in return. I am done giving away my whole heart, when all I get back, is my soul torn to shreds.
I am done giving away my love, when all I get in return is the promise of a body.
I am so done getting my heartbroken. I am done feeling lonely just because I don’t have a significant other. I am done breaking my own heart over and over again, until I am just a ghost of my former self.
I am done pretending that I’m ok when I’m not. I am done pretending that I don’t need love, when that’s all I really want. I am done pretending that my body is just a body, and that my heart isn’t meant to feel anything.
I am done getting beat up by others. I am done giving myself away just because someone offers me a safe place to rest my head on.
I am done getting broken. I am done getting torn up, and washed away. I am done letting people walk all over me, without my consent. I am done letting love become something that is invaluable and something that is meant to be quiet.
My god, love is meant to be loud. It is meant to be powerful. It is meant to be meaningful. It is meant to be lived.
So, I am done letting others bring me down when I deserve to be lifted upwards. And I am done loving people who won’t ever ever love me back.
So I will let 2016 go, just like those boys who don’t give a damn about me. I am done letting boys make me feel invisible. And I am done letting my precious heart become a stomping ground for others.