October 13, 2016

The Brutal Truth About Getting ‘Closure’ With An Ex

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What is the issue?
Jenny Woods
Jenny Woods

I don’t believe in ever having final ‘closure’, especially with someone who you have truly grown to love and adore. There’s such thing as goodbyes. There’s such thing as a clean break. But I don’t think anyone can get quite what they need out of ‘closure’.

An ex told me once all he wanted was closure. My friend once told me all she wanted was closure with her ex. At one point in time, all I wanted was to find some sort of closure with my first love. We all want it and crave it. Because we want answers about why it ended. About how it ended. And we want to feel better.

But is ‘closure’ really going to make us all feel better?

To get closure is to finally end the chapter of the partnership. It’s to close the book, and to pull down all the curtains. I understand why we all want it. It makes sense that we all need to try to make sense of it all and to get some sort of answer. But, if the breakup is already said and done, what good is it to rehash the old wounds?

What good will it do to meet up again, just to say goodbye for the second time?

In theory, closure sounds quite lovely. It almost acts as a cure-all for our breakup woes. And we all would do anything to make the hurt stop. We would do anything to make the pain go away.We want it, to finally move on. We want it, so we can finally let go. 

But, I’m afraid closure could make the breakup worse. You are going to have to hear all about why they ended it with you. Or you’re going to have to explain to them why you broke their heart. You’re going to have to see their face again, and feel butterflies, and pretend they don’t exist. You’re going to have to see them look at you in a different way now.

 And then you’re going to go home. And feel yourself crumble all over again.

Closure, while painful, can also be scary. You might have to face someone who despises you for breaking their heart. You might have to listen to them stomp all over you, while you stay frozen in silence. Closure could rehash all the negativity that relationship brought you, and you’re going to wish you never agreed to seeing them in the first place.

I hate to break it to you, but closure isn’t going to magically help you move on. You’ve got to do that on your own. You’ve got to work at it, and let time do it’s thing. Closure isn’t going to give that to you. You are the only one who can make the effort and move on with your life. 

So, don’t fall victim to this idea of getting closure. It’s not going to help you. It’s not going to make anything easier. It’s not going to make the hurt go away. That’s for you to do. And that’s for you work on, by yourself. Not with your exTC mark

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