June 27, 2016

To My Fellow Women, Life Isn’t Just About Finding A Boyfriend

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Gabi E. Mulder
Gabi E. Mulder

To the girls who go on dates after dates, looking for the “one”. For the women who hopelessly wait for the man of their dreams to show up at their door any second, and for the ones who feel miserable about themselves because they don’t have a significant other, life is so much more than a waiting game.

Life is so much more than finding a special someone. Life is about more than just a boy.

The first time I fell in love, I made the mistake of making him my life. Everything that I did, and everything that I thought about, was up to him. Because in my head, I thought that’s how relationships were supposed to be like. I was in love with him, but it wasn’t healthy. Thinking back to that time in my life, it was beautiful, but also very scary. I didn’t realize that I had lost myself in him. And I ultimately cared about him more than I cared about myself.

When it ended and I was left with just myself, I didn’t know how to cope. For so many years of my life, I depended on him and he depended on me. I didn’t know how to be happy with just me. I didn’t know how to live my life to the fullest if it wasn’t with him anymore.

It took a long time for me to love myself without a guy loving me too. It took a lot of months, and years to become whole without another human being by my side. And after I finally healed, and grew up more, I vowed to never do that again. I never wanted to lose myself in someone else again. I never wanted to grow so attached to someone, that without them, I would fall apart.

I am my own whole person without needing anyone else to make me smile. And you are your own person too.

You are allowed to be happy by yourself. You are allowed to live a full life without someone holding your hand every step of the way. After all, you are supposed to love yourself the hardest, not the fantasy in your head about the guy who will sweep you off your feet. 

It’s time to put your big girl shoes on now. It’s time to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are enough. You shine without needing a diamond ring on your finger. You shine without needing to be someone else’s sun. You are your own sun. And that’s how it always should be.

You need to put yourself first. Because at the end of the day, you are going to leave this earth by yourself just like you entered it by yourself.

You need to become your own best friend, your own mentor, your own therapist and your own hero.

Sweet girl, a boy isn’t going to save you. A boy isn’t going to magically make you happy. That’s all up to you. It’s all up to you.

So, please, I hope you know that you can actually take a deep breath by yourself without choking. I hope you know that you can jump without being scared of falling. This is your time to jump and to fly, to live fearlessly, to climb your own mountain, and to go out and live your life instead of waiting by an unopened window.

Open your doors for yourself, break down the locked windows, and jump down the tower you have built for yourself to hide from the world around you. Go outside and actually experience what it’s like to take a walk alone with just your thoughts. Drink coffee at a cafe without asking a friend to go with you. Enjoy yourself, and you will be surprised by what new things and what new people might come into your life.

So, stop waiting, and wishing. And start building up your life to begin again. TC mark

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