Thought Catalog
March 24, 2016

For Everyone Who Has Been Single For So Long They Feel Completely Unlovable

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Yuri Arcurs
Yuri Arcurs

Some nights when I rest my head on my worn down pillow, I think to myself how nice it would be if that pillow were instead a human chest. And some days, when I see couples roaming the streets holding hands so tightly as if they could never let go, I feel a twinge of sadness.

“That used to be me,” I think to myself. How beautiful that was.

And I’m lucky because I have truly loved. That’s something not a lot of people can say at this age with their whole heart. I loved and was loved back and I would never take that back for anything. But now, I don’t have anyone but me. And it took awhile to convince others and myself that this was a good, if not amazing thing.

Right now, hundreds of people are falling in love at this very moment. And hundreds of people are falling out of love. But, hundreds of people right now also feel lonely and scared that they will never get to fall in love again, that they will never find someone to love them back. Hundreds of beautiful souls right now are looking at all the couples roaming the streets and are feeling pathetic. They are feeling lonely. They are feeling unlovable.

But I want you to know you are never going to be unlovable. You are not pathetic. You are not alone. And you are most definitely not a failure. As much as there are couples in this world, there are millions of single individuals just waiting for The One, just waiting to be loved and just waiting to say “I do.”

But here’s the thing, we all need to stop waiting. Stop pacing your room at midnight anxiously wondering when you’re going to meet your soul mate. Stop swiping right on guys who you know aren’t going to give you the kind of love you can give them. Stop questioning your self worth just because you’re single. Stop giving yourself panic attacks because you’re 23 and don’t have a significant other. Stop googling, “When will I meet my husband?!” whenever you’re tipsy. Stop the self-hate. Stop under appreciating yourself.

You have so much time to find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I promise you, you have so much time. And if your friends ever try to set you up with someone, or try to convince you that you have to try online dating, then you can send them on their way. You are freaking awesome just the way you are, and you don’t need a boyfriend or a girlfriend to tell you that. You are just as worthy and smart as the girl next to you making-out with her boyfriend at the bus stop. You are just as beautiful as the girl showing off her diamond ring that rests on her ring finger. You are just as successful as the girl you went to high school with who already has a child.

As soon as we turn eighteen, our goals shift. Instead of just wanting to get good grades, we start to worry about our future. And we usually want our future to involve someone else. Then our anxiety shifts more as we become adults. Society constantly feeds us articles and movies about couples and about a lost girl whose life becomes magical as soon as she gets her prince charming. But the truth is, you don’t need anyone else to make you happy but yourself. This anxiety we all feel is just society and the rest of the world putting ideas into our heads. Your life can be just as magical without a prince charming. Your life can be a fairytale without that happy ending. Right now, is the time to just love yourself. And kick ass.

You don’t need to rest your head on someone’s shoulder to be ok. You don’t need to hold hands with someone to feel complete. You are too young to worry about wedding bells and flower decorations, too young to worry about bridal showers and what age is the “right” age to get married. Now is the time to worry about yourself and take care of only you, because there is a lot more to life than falling in love. And you are going to do much more than just fall in love in your lifetime. Take pride in not needing a horse drawn carriage, or a fairy godmother to help you find your “soul mate”. Take pride in being your own soul mate and needing no one but yourself. TC mark

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