October 14, 2016

Donald Trump Is Basically Regina George, Minus The Whole ‘Smokin’ Hot’ Thing

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What is the issue?
Mean Girls
Mean Girls

If we conducted a countrywide poll in an attempt to answer the question, “How many of you have felt personally victimized by Donald Trump,” the results would be far more poignant than when Ms. Norbury first posed it to the junior class in the North Shore High School gymnasium.

In a nutshell, Regina George is a rich, white, narcissistic queen bee. She bullies others to keep her social status, and the rules of functioning society don’t apply to her. She has two best friends who feed her ego; both of them are also rich white girls. She doesn’t invite lesbians to her pool parties and she does car commercials in Japan.

Cue Donald Trump, Republican presidential nominee, who shares a lot of the same traits as Ms. George. Rich, white, narcissistic, a bully, doesn’t like gay people, and does business overseas, check to the 6th degree.

It is strange to me that a presidential candidate has so many similar qualities to that of a fictional movie character – who may I remind you – is in high school.

For the sake of this article, let’s pretend that North Shore is a small scale America. Now let’s take a closer look.

To sit among the elitist table in the cafeteria, also known as ‘the plastics table,’ there are a few rules you need to follow. They include: wearing pink on Wednesday, only wearing your hair up once a week, not wearing a tank top two days in a row, etc. If anyone breaks these rules- they aren’t allowed to sit at the plastics table. It’s a pretty simple concept.

One day in the middle of the week Regina wears sweat pants, which are specifically only allowed to be worn on Friday. She attempts to sit at the plastics table when Gretchen scolds her. To which Regina responds, “Those rules aren’t real.”

In this place we live called America, there are some rules that us citizens are supposed to uphold, these rules are called laws. One of them is paying your taxes every year. This is Trump’s interpretation of the law.

Donald Trump:

Mean Girls
Mean Girls

The rest of the world:

Essentially, the rules only apply to everyone else in the universe except Regina George (not a real person) and Donald Trump. I don’t remember that in the Constitution, but I may have missed it.

Regina also has this thing called the burn book, where she writes mean things about the people at her school. Trump also has a burn book, although it’s more in the form of mental notes that slip out every time he speaks, but it’s basically the same concept.

He called Rosie O’Donnell a “fat pig.”
Regina prefers, “fat whore.”

See also: Lena Dunham, Arianna Huffington, Rosie O’Donnell again, and Heidi Klum.

Here are some of the other people in his burn book:

  • Alicia Machado, Miss Piggy or Miss Housekeeping
  • Megyn Kelly, A Bimbo With a Heavy Flow
  • Gonzalo Curiel, 2 Mexican 2 Function As a Judge
  • Barack Obama, If You’re American, Why Are You Black?
  • All Females, You Can Just Grab Em’ By the P*ssy

These are just a few of the many entries. To see the full list, click here.

Then you have their loyal sidekicks.

Gretchen Wieners is to Regina George what Mike Pence is to Donald Trump.

They are both just trying to keep their leader happy, meanwhile trying to make fetch happen. In the last debate Trump publically disagreed with his running mate on how to deal with the civil war in Syria. Trump said, “He and I haven’t spoken and I disagree.” AKA, “Stop trying to make fetch happen, it’s not going to happen.”

I have a feeling behind doors, Pence is just trying to wear hoop earrings but Trump isn’t letting him. Listen Pence, there’s only one person around here who is allowed to say things… and it’s Tregina. That is just how narcissists operate, sorry Pence.

The last thing that Regina and Trump have in common is their disregard for the opposite sex. Regina dumped her boyfriend Aaron Samuels for Shane Oman. Then when Cady started to like Aaron, Regina was suddenly interested in Aaron again. The only reason she wanted Aaron was because he was something she could win to assert her dominance over Cady. Essentially, Aaron was an object to Regina, a prize to show that she was superior.

That is essentially how Donald Trump sees women, as objects, not as humans who have the same rights as men.

He was caught on tape saying, “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful… I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

You can grab a pen, you can grab a drink with a friend, but a woman is a human being and something you simply cannot grab. This is a concept we all should have learned in kindergarten.

Since this came out, five women have come forward with sexual assault allegations against Trump. Are they really “just words” if he actually acted upon them?

Now, I’m no screenwriter, but I do believe when creating a character for a film you dramatize things for comedic purposes. Regina George is not a real person – she is a fictionalized version of “the worst person you would ever meet,” which is what makes her character work so well…for a MOVIE.

What is actually scarier than a real life Regina George is that this ‘character’ is literally running for president of the United States.

This is how I picture Donald Trump sitting at home watching the shit show that he has turned this election into:

And this is how America feels:

But, then again, we all now what happens to Regina George…

TC mark

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