10 Things Women Shouldn’t Wear Over 30

When it comes to clothes women don’t have it easy. We have every magazine, tv show, commercial, and YouTube instructional video telling us how to dress for work, how to dress sexy, how to dress for our size. For women over 30 it’s even more complicated. How can someone over 30 years old possibly be sexy, chic, and confident, all without looking like they’re trying too hard? I’m nearly 30 years old myself and the last thing I want is to be that pathetic 30+ woman who thinks she looks like a hot 21 year old at the club. Every day I leave the house I see women over 30 embarrassing themselves in age-inappropriate outfits. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Here are 10 simple items all women over 30 need to stop wearing immediately.

1. A Tampon Every Day By the time you’re 30 you should really know what days you are and aren’t having your period. A tampon everyday just screams immaturity.

2. Bound Feet Maybe in your 20’s it was cute to bind your feet like an 18th century Chinese concubine, but its time to grow up ladies.

3. Fat Suit And FX Makeup Sure it’s comfortable to slap on a giant fat suit and fx makeup to trick strangers, but save it for a lazy Saturday.

4. Freddy Krueger Claw Nothing says “angsty teen” or “desperate 30-something” like a glove of razor sharp claws from “Nightmare on Elm Street”, get over it girl.

5. MRI Machine There are classy ways to show off your body that don’t involve rolling around town in an MRI machine.

6. Another Woman On Top Of Your Shoulders In A Trench Coat If you’re still sporting the “one woman on top of another woman’s shoulders in a trench coat to look like one really tall man” look, and you’re over 30, its time to re-evaluate your life.

7. Lampreys Leave coming home blackout drunk covered in parasitic eels to college students. You’re not host material anymore.

8. Miner’s Helmet This isn’t the prom, women over 30 shouldn’t be shining lights in people’s faces all day.

9. My Virgin Mary Costume From The 3rd Grade First of all, how did you get that? Second of all, you don’t need to wear a child’s costume from her 3rd grade nativity play to look sexy.

10. Beard Of Bees Just because celebs wear beard of bees over 30 doesn’t mean you can pull it off. Stick to the classics.