Thought Catalog
December 20, 2013

I’m Living The Real Fifty Shades

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As part of an ongoing Thought Catalog After Dark series, we will endeavor to bring you the True Sex tales of our readers. In this installment Prudence, a 24-year-old advertising exec and sex blogger, tells us about BDSM and how she developed her online persona. If you would like to share your real experiences, email afterdark@thoughtcatalog.com.
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Shutterstock

Tell us a little about your earliest experiences with sex.

I feel like I was unintentionally exposed to sex very early on. I remember finding my dad’s dirty magazines when I was probably age nine or ten, and they excited me. I became very interested in what porn was. Also, I have older brothers, and sometimes I’d hear funny noises coming from their rooms when their girlfriends were over, and it didn’t take much for me to figure out what was going on. I was very curious about sex, and wanted to see what it was like, and it wasn’t until I was 16 when I finally lost my virginity. I’d been pressuring the guy I was seeing for quite a while already. We had done everything else besides full-on penetration – I practically had to beg for it.

How did your sex life evolve after losing your virginity?

I was a fiend: I literally wanted to have sex all the time. My first boyfriend called me a nymphomaniac because I would always be horny, turned on, and ready to have sex. His sex drive was decent, but it still didn’t match mine. I sexted a lot, stripped for him via webcam, and sent him a lot of dirty photos. I actually started dabbling in choke play and other kinky stuff with him – he randomly placed his hand on my neck once and it made me 100 times wetter instantaneously.

Looking back on it, was that the beginning of the BDSM fetish for you?

I would say so, except I didn’t think it counted as BDSM. I certainly knew it was considered weird by some people. I can’t really explain why I liked being choked during sex. I would ask my boyfriend to put his hand on my neck, and when he didn’t I’d take his hand and put it there anyway.

You sound aggressive sexually, although being choked could be considered an act of submission. Has that power exchange dynamic been a recurring theme in your sexual experiences?

Yeah, I actually signed up to be a professional dominatrix. Getting paid to abuse guys sexually sounded fun to me (I swear I’m a nice girl). But that’s only because I wouldn’t be doing it to sexually pleasure myself – I’d be doing it as a job. I realized that I derive sexual pleasure from being a bottom. The power exchange dynamic has only happened with my first (and only) boyfriend. I don’t like being dominant in bed, because I’m dominant in every other aspect of my life. With every single guy after him, I’ve been the submissive one.

How does one sign up to be a dominatrix?

I was browsing on Craigslist for freelance jobs to supplement my income. I was looking through the ETC section, and I saw an ad looking for a dominatrix. I like doing things that make me uncomfortable, and that was definitely something that would make me uncomfortable.

Is that how you met Mr. Grey?

I met Mr. Grey on Tinder. I started using it because I thought it would be a fun, easy way to meet new guys outside of my social circle. I matched with him and was instantly attracted because he was so blunt and borderline rude. I appreciate people who are upfront with what they want, and he made it perfectly clear he did not want a girlfriend – he just wanted to get laid. It was a little off-putting at first, but I kept talking to him, and eventually we agreed to meet.

How much older than you is he?

About eight years: the oldest I’ve ever been with, it feels nice.

How so – is that because you were looking to be dominated?

I wasn’t necessarily looking to be dominated, especially by someone who I just met. I just thought it was going to be a normal hook up, and I didn’t know he was SO kinky and dominant/aggressive before I met him. I didn’t trust him yet. When we were on our first date he was eerily dark and matter-of-fact. I told him that he seemed a lot nicer in person, and he responded, “Wait until later.” That took me by surprise, but I guess that was the first sign that gave me an idea of what was to come. I couldn’t wait to see what he meant, I was so curious. Once we got back to his place, he definitely showed me who was boss.

What happened at his place?

It was exactly what I was looking for: to be treated like a total slut and manhandled roughly. We basically took all our clothes off within ten minutes of getting there. He was standing with his cock in my face, and I have to admit, it was pretty gorgeous – a beautiful eight inches, at least. Naturally I had to put it in my mouth (I love giving blowjobs). He stopped me though, and ordered me into his room, where he got on top of me, grabbed a fistful of my hair and fucked me really, really hard. He asked me if he could slap me in the face, and I was hesitant, but I agreed. I asked him to do it lightly. He made me say, “I want you to slap me” before he would do it – I guess to make sure I wanted it. After that, he slapped me straight across the face so hard that it throbbed.

It wasn’t until then when I realized how much I loved being slapped around and treated like a whore. It turned me on so much and brought me to a new level of submission that I’d never experienced. He left deep bite marks along my shoulders on both sides. He flipped me over, pinned me down by holding my hands behind my back, and pounded me. It was one of the best fucks I’ve ever had in my life. I kept wanting more. He introduced nipple clamps, riding crops and canes to me. He guided me and instructed me on how to successfully deep throat every inch of him. And I’m excited he’s the first person to use butt plugs on me. Nothing has ever been in there before. I feel like I didn’t realize I wanted to be dominated on this level until I met him.

Some might say that reads like erotic fiction: how would you respond to that assertion?

I’d be flattered. It gives me the feeling that what I wrote doesn’t seem real – whether it’s too crazy, too hot, or whatever – but it is. I’m not sure what the difference between erotic fiction and erotic non-fiction is exactly though. I think whether it happened or not is the only difference, not the style that it is written in. I love writing, and I love reading my own writing. It helps me remember moments better and more vividly. Sex is also a very big part of me, and my sexual encounters are experiences that I never want to forget, so I think the more details I can get in, the better.

What made you start your blog, and how did you develop your online persona?

I started my blog just last month after encouragement from my friends, because I was always the one who had the craziest sex and dating stories. They like living vicariously through my wild experiences. One of my girlfriends said it would be a nice way to document these moments so I could look back when I’m older at what a crazy bitch I was. I’m planning on backtracking and retelling the ridiculous things I’ve had the pleasure (or displeasure) of taking part in. As for how I developed my persona Provocative Prudence, it was the first name I thought of. It felt very natural to me, because I am a very sexual person. I live and breathe sex. But there is also the cautious, reserved part of me keeping me in check. While I love sex, it takes some coaxing and convincing in order to explore realms of sex that I have not had experiences with.

How much of that persona stems from your personal experience, and how much is embellished (if any)?

The whole persona basically stems from my personal experiences. I love being slutty. I love experimenting. I hate how being sexually explorative has a negative connotation. To me, being slutty used to be a bad thing. “Nobody should be that.” But now I’ve flipped it on its head and turned it into a positive thing. I fuck when I want. I fuck whom I want. Some would call that provocative. But is there still a side of me that is cautious? Yes. Compared to my friends, I am (one of) the sluttiest in terms of number of partners as well as what I have done in  (or out of) the bedroom. I still crave more though – there are so many things I have not done because I’m too nervous. Still, I think I am sort of a pioneer among my friends when it comes to unconventional sex, and I am making it my mission to help them explore new sexual horizons.

We greatly appreciate you bringing your insight to this series, Prudence. Where do you see things going with Mr. Grey from here, and when will you be a Board Certified Dominatrix? :)

Thanks for including me in the series! I promised Mr. Grey my anal virginity for New Year’s, so there’s that. But I don’t see him in my future, since we both want different things. He never wants a girlfriend, and I want to be one in the future eventually, if I meet the right person. I think I’ll continue to learn and explore kinky sex with him until I get my fix, and then part ways when I am ready for a steady relationship with someone. As for my dominatrix board exams…I am uncomfortable with CBT (Cock and Ball Torture), which is a requirement, apparently, so I think that’s going to be put on hold for a while until I change my mind. TC mark