I have had a varied and stimulating sex life. The best advice I’ve ever received in the art of lovemaking (and all I’ve ever needed) has been this: “Put her pleasure first.” Needless to say, fulfilling this mantra has kept me in great stead with the ladies. Once a woman has experienced both sides of me – the gentlemanly exterior and the virility smoldering beneath – they usually aren’t bashful about telling me the impression my dick has made. To wit, here are the five best compliments he’s ever received.
1. “It’s so huge it’s, like, killing me.”
The first girl I ever fucked told me this. She was my co-worker at a summer job, and I was determined to finally “get some” – so much so that my big purchases were a box of Magnums and a tube of K-Y jelly (in case of a drive down the “dirt road,” as my buddy put it). After some anxious flirting we finally did the deed, and as I was negotiating a painful erection into her impossibly snug pussy, she let out a long breath and laid the line on me (we both laughed like bastards). Fucking her got increasingly easy over the course of the summer, and she continued to make me laugh with random shit like “I want to throw your underwear out the window.”
2. “I just want you to know, you’re ENORMOUS…”
This came from a girl I knew in college, one of the three biggest cock-teases I’ve ever met (I never fucked the other two). She took a liking to me, and developed a maddening habit of showing up at my apartment unannounced. I never pressed the issue of sex with her, but inevitably we’d make out (she had the most unbelievably soft, wet kisses) and she’d abruptly leave. I turned the tables on her one Saturday, dropping by her place after a depressing night spent drinking Zimas in an Albertson’s parking lot. Her roommates were out, so she suggested we watch a movie on her pullout couch downstairs (still avoiding the bedroom). She lay behind me and, for the first time, snaked her hand inside my sweats. Grabbing me by the base, she gasped and said it. After gauging my length, I invited her to “take it out so you can get a better look,” at which point I expertly slid her pajama bottoms down. She whispered, “Yes,” and her desperate cries echoed throughout that tiny townhome the rest of the night.
3. “I can’t believe all of this is on you!”
My first job out of college, I worked in close proximity to a stunningly gorgeous, slightly older IT professional. She was sarcastic as hell to me, mocking everything from my clothes to the quality of my college experience (I am sorry I never experimented with coke and ecstasy, truly). On a lark, she decided to meet me for drinks one night, where she shocked me by saying I “clean up nice.” Since she commuted from out-of-state, I offered to drop her off at her hotel. She was so tipsy that she asked me upstairs, and wasted no time sidling right up next to me on the bed. Gripping my obvious bulge like a bunch of grapes, she bestowed this gem on me, adding, “There’s so much meat down there, it’s like a snake.” I couldn’t believe how tight she was, and while we showered together afterwards, she playfully hit me for bringing her period on before she could fly home.
4. “I want other girls to experience what I experienced…”
Several years ago, a close friend of mine (who lives a couple states away) had a weekend housewarming. Since I’d be driving up, he asked me to pick up a (platonic) female friend of his on the way. Our conversation on the ride to the party was openly sexual, and the tension overwhelmed her. We slipped into a back bedroom midway through the festivities, and she confessed that she couldn’t stop gazing at the front of my slacks. I asked her if she wanted to see it, and proceeded to pull my dick out – much to her delight. Later that evening, I deliberately slept out on the floor (to allow her to make the first move), and right on cue she came out and tapped me on the shoulder. After some playful shit talking, she whipped out a condom, rolling it down to the base of my shaft before riding me like an expert equestrian. I finished her off doggy style, the shuddering climaxes causing her to fall in a heap onto my buddy’s spare comforter. She called me two days later to tell me she’d been reduced to “drawing a picture of your dick to get across to my friends what it was I had.”
5. “My girlfriend asked me just how long it is…so I said, 11 inches?”
Through a mutual friend, I met an older woman with whom I immediately connected. After some engrossing phone conversation, we decided to meet at my house for wine and appetizers. After gorging ourselves to our hearts’ content, we sat in my living room for a pregnant moment. She broke the silence by asking, “So what do you wanna do now?” I threw my tongue down her throat and we made out vigorously for a long while before bounding onto my bed. Once completely naked, she gently told me it had been a while for her, and I patiently worked her into submission. We saw each other for several months, and she would often speak in amazement about my size, telling me she’d discussed it with her best girlfriend so often that the friend pleaded with her to get to the bottom line. After sharing her guesstimate, I chuckled and said simply, “I think you’re right…”